My world is thirty-four sea shells,
Thirty-four perfect sea shells.
“Je t’aime toujours”
I hear you say,
Distant, far away,
It’s just your voice,
It’s just my phone,
Who are you anyway?
My gaze wanders,
And with it my mind,
Coming to rest on a plastic cup
With thirty-four perfect sea shells.
You said you would do anything to see that smile on my face,
But is that just because you like my smile?
Or would it be the same if I smiled while you were away?
Why are the shells unblemished?
Is it because you only take perfection?
Or is perfection all you give?
I look in the mirror and wonder what you see,
Wonder why you care,
If you care.
Those thirty-four perfect sea shells that are my life,
What do they mean?
Author notes
If something happens it's going to hurt to look at a sea shell for a long time. That's why I hate emotional attachments.
"je t'aime toujours" means "I love you always"
grapefruite
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i like this one, this poem is soothing to me in a way
nice job putting the french word in there -
It reminds me of the summer time.
Nice use of the French phrase.
I like the questioning. -
Be careful with repetition and questions in poetry. Those two things are bringing down the poem. Also the say/away/anyway half rhyme bit doesn’t help the flow either. I think I’d like to see more of an explanation about the seashells, not a literal one of course. But I want to see the significance of the seashells, and of course why 34 instead of reading seashells over and over again. Wow, maybe you don’t know what the seashells mean yourself, hence the last line. I think questions in poetry is a sign that the writer has his or her idea of what he or she wants to say but just can’t get the words out quite yet.
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Thank you so much for being honest. It means so much more than just saying "great write" and moving on.
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I love this. very emotional...
why 34???
I especially like...
You said you would do anything to see that smile on my face,
But is that just because you like my smile?
Or would it be the same if I smiled while you were away?...
this is one of my new favorites
make sure you don't go to FL if something bad happens(lots of shells)
talk to ya later
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