Time’s crust grows heavy over the
twenty four of our months –
and nothing has changed -
same size me
still
waiting
for you.
No summer passion, no
moments of connection
with you –
still dreaming
still praying
one day
the hours will unlock themselves,
form the figure that
is an us of one – but
when?
Author notes
Sassykitty wrote this about the Man
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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guilty of penning a great verse
the hours will unlock themselves
a intriguing reference of "time stands still' -
great
even sassier on third read
just one of those works that give a new outlookeach time
and
hey, a great way to start the day with your poem -
terrific
"is an us of one"
so near
a play on words
but
so much meaning
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I like this. It’s written well and it’s fairly interesting. The presentation of the poem however bugs me. I think it would read better as multiple stanzas, the line breaks right now seem a little awkward to me. I think the word “you” is used too closely together causing a little disturbance with the flow too. I also think the phrase “an us of one” is pretty awkward, I’d suggest rethinking how you could word that in a less odd way. This is a good poem, thanks for entering.
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This was great! Reminds me of one my recent relationships, which I despise yet still keep dear. I like the description at the start with the use of a metaphor 'Time’s crust' - this is indeed rather quite a wonderful description. I admire the journey of the poem and how it concludes - lovely. Great work!! Keep it up!!
~Emily~ xx
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Wow very thought provoking!
Wow this gripped me for sure, and helpd me captivated during and since reading, this is like reading Ludwig Wittgensteine (Tractatus Logico Philosophicus) same power hitting statements, great work love it and very teasing to the enchanted mind.
Great work and hey you really should be in print.
Bravo well done love it!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Oh, I know this feeling all too well. Great job, best wishes in the contest!
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There were some nice phrases in here that definetly made this stand out, like "Time's crust." Couldn't find any errors, but I thought it conveyed the feeling of waiting and wondering, "if not now, when?" nice write.
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