I hate the way she looks at you the secrets that you share,
I might as well just disappear it's obvious you don't care,
we used to love our silent walks, I'd watch you endlessly,
a wall has come between us both, you never talk to me.
Remember all those special games our secrets no one knew?
Now everything is tasting sour you sip another brew,
so much of life we stored away, on me you'd always lean,
now I must be content to watch my rival primp and preen.
Bold plans and schemes a 'never world' where people weren't allowed,
you've taken on a different guise pretentious, pompous, proud,
a wall your callous heart has built and one I’ll never climb,
too many obstacles have grown, I’m running out of time.
I kept my promise through the years about those 'other' things,
since I no longer have your love I could start pulling strings.
Author notes
The Wall
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 6 The Wall - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 1, 34 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Upgrade Your Green Trophy by paw-writer.
850 points, ended August 3, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Your poem matches the picture perfectly and the imagery used is amazing. Great job and thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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Delicious and of your very best!
Meter is superb, and the rhyming (only abcb here, I'd love to have seen it aba
is accurate and harmonious.
You know we look forward to reading all your entries and hope to see them in every round
Well done again Bumpy
Jeff and Sue
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My favourite line of this poem was
"Now everything is tasting sour
You sip another brew"
It's very creative and full of imagery and I can use my senses to interpret the rest of the poem.
The rythem of the poem is very constant so no parts through it sound awkward.
And I enjoy reading rhyme!
Good job!
Keep it up!
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