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The Recovery Position.

Curled body,
fist-like, punctuating
the eye glances in each corner of the room
that doesn't contain you.

Well the world warned you each day
that death happens
like
cups of tea in the morning
and second-hand smoke in the afternoon.

I painted, she wrote.
You wore top hats and balanced double shots
with triple shifts at work.

What did we expect?
Not this.

Author notes

RIP-sanity is the name I go by. I am currently a bit uninspired but I hope you enjoyed this anyway.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • evidently
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    What I don't like first, since it's quick: I'm not sure about 'the eye glances in each corner of the room/that doesn't contain you.' I mean it's not bad - quite good, even - but it doesn't have the clear-water quality that the rest of the poem has; it's more contrived.

    But I love 'Well the world warned you each day'. Followed by 'that death happens', which could have been cliche, but it isn't, because your imagery is exactly right. And the symmetry running throughout the whole poem (in the morning/in the afternoon; double shots/triple shifts, etc.) is wonderful. And the first two lines, and the last two, and the title...

    It's honestly near-perfect.

    • RIP-sanity
      August 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks much, I really appreciate critique, I don't get much constructive stuff and I'm always glad when I do. I understand what you're saying about that line. Thanks again.

  • lively banter
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    Ouch. This is pretty awesome. Great emotion and word choices, very active voice here. Great stuff. I would like the last stanza fleshed out more that follows more in line with the rest of the poem, it’s just telly and not much there unlike everything else. It could become a very impactful ending. Thanks for entering, this was good.

  • Dienush Greeters member
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so well written and has quite an impact I really should get my lazy ass back to reading your work

    • RIP-sanity
      July 23
      Edit | Reply
      Indeed I must start reading yours again as well. I abandoned allpoetry for a while.. Thanks for the comment, I will be perusing your stuff again soon.

  • obsidianrose843
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME!

    I happened onto another of your poems while browsing a contest, and I decided to read more. This poem is literally made of awesomeness. I'm cheered up, quite a bit, since I've just been sitting around all night.

    So consider yourself productive, you've imrpoved someone's night by being a great writer.

1 - 7 of 7