You,
your voice;
it does not enter through my ear
it sounds inside me,
lifting my life
to a surface exposure,
content of my smile
care and desire made known.
You are more.
Your face;
doesn't hide who you are to me
by blinding my eye,
its light comforts me
by meeting me inside
where You truly are.
And You are more,
even before my sensibilities.
Our whole affair is a secret one,
only known in the intimacy of the heart.
In a list
A contest entry
- the path... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended July 22, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE - WRITES WITHOUT TROPHIES ONLY by lindaburns.
1750 points, ended July 28, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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The line that really stood out to me as very powerful was; "You are more.' That made the entire poem for me.
Beautifully said,
~ Wendy
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Priceless
A Brilliant sketching of details into the heart with your views, your outlook, into the depths of a soul & not just the mere shell of a person. Love the spiritual feel of this and how you are able to go beyond the veil with your emotions. Yet they remain with you, not something that needs to be broadcasted. This has a very personable feel about it which gives respect. I don't come on here very much anymore, it's been ages since I penned but, I had to comment on this piece. Just Brilliant!
All the best in the contest
Cheers~
~Joy
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Such a wonderful comment to receive!
Much thanks to you Joy.
Sol
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wooooow!!!!!
beautiful! and amazing.....i loved the feelings put into this! very deeply touching
the light comforts me by meeting me inside...such words that touched my heart.and the use of you are more made me smile and i felt every line!
always xxx
juliet
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Well... thank you so much!
Sol
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I've been spending some time just a little above the concrete recently. This too is there.
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May I say 'that sounds good to me'.
Thank you
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Judge:
The poem was mostly over my head but it sounded deep and sensual(sp?) .
(sp) = I’m not sure I spelled it correctly. Thank you for entering the contest.
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Thank you Linda, that's how I would spell it...
'deep and sensual', I'm very happy with that. Yes what I hold closest to my heart and I love to hear word from.
Sol
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nice write... but there is such a thing ... called
Trush and Lust.... I am living proof....
Your friend in Poetry.... JackReed3.....
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Thank you Jack.
... Yes I agree with you.
It was only the thought that the 'lust' could be taken as indiscriminate rather than only for the one we love. I'm sure you didn't mean it and it wasn't really taken that way. Only that the expression came, it seemed to me, close to words used in common excuses in relationships with less fidelity. Certainly no criticism or insult intended.
Likewise my friend
Sol
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Oh!
I stole your title!
I thought this one was just called 'voice'...now my new write is called 'your voice' too. (I promise, I didn't know 
)
Heeheee, that's quite funny.
I like it.
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you have described the secret relationship..though now it is not secret when you have stated the rout of the path..well done..
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Now this is Beautiful.I loved every line.To love someone in such a way is truly special.A secret to behold in the meeting of two hearts,Sigh!!!!!!
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Only the heart knows the inner secrets...a beautiful write of deep love known only to the few who have the insight into such a depth.
alby
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I really like this, Sol! Nicely penned, and I like how you've drawn You and your together to make the reader understand you're referring to both here...
faith
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Thank you faith
who will always be 'magic' to me!
Hope all's good!
Sol
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Oh my!...this is...so...personal...it brings tears to my eyes and I'm not sure why...beautiful expression of Real intimacy...I hope it wins, but it won't change the Voice you reveal here, Poet...it just....sings...Well done! Blessings to you, Rhonda
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Much thanks Rhonda.
You are like having an angel come to visit.
Sol
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Hello emerald. Let's see...It's been a little bit since I stopped by as I was away on vacation, which was a lot of fun. Your second stanza is my favorite. Though I wonder if the "from" is needed before inside? I think it would read fine without it. I'm not sure how I entirely feel about the use of "you" used throughout so much...I'm not sure if it takes away from your short piece or strengthens it, I'm leaning towards takes away. The last two lines of this piece are perfect, there is something very prophetic about that statement. Your work always makes a sound in the soul, like a little knocking of feet.
;
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Great to have you back!
Glad you had fun
I agree with you about the 'from' and I am also inclined to look at the 'You's again, I only wrote this a little earlier and felt they should go one way or the other... again perhaps your instinct is right.
Thanks and so pleased to have you back.
Sol -
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It's great to be back and read you.
If you do decide to make some changes, I'm sure I'll notice. But if not, hit me with an IM and I'll be sure to check it out. My instincts are sometimes off but I try nonetheless.
You are welcome.
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...speechless...X X
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... yet I still hear you.
X
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lovely
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"Words are the voice of the heart." ~Confucious~
Your heart speaks in hushed whispers and solemn secrets. It is quiet. It is pure and it - is lovely.
e~
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I am moved by your comment...
thank you so much.
Sol
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