I will never be able to forget the ringing of the phone late that night,
without knowing what you would say, I could just sense that something wasn't right.
A long pause before my most dreaded of fears became a harsh reality.
Our mother had died just about an hour earlier, my sister was crying now, saying
that she needed me.
Why didn't I listen to myself? How could I have stayed away and not been there to
see you one last time and say our final good byes?
I cursed under my breath, not believing that any of this was real. The sound of the
phone crashing to the floor was almost silent compared to the tears I now cried.
Too many years spent away, living with my life's mistakes, hating the choices that
left me here now.
If only I had come to see her more often, maybe she could have forgiven me...my own
regrets settling deep in the lines above my fretted brow.
I never imagined it would hurt this much...no one can explain this kind of pain...
no more hugs, no late night movies...memories bring the scent of roses and I can
almost feel her soft touch.
Mom's house was sold shortly after the funeral, gone was the only house I ever
considered to be a place of my own.
It's hard to put into words what that felt like, no longer able to go to my room;
there's a new family living there now...making me feel even more all alone.
Mom, I still miss you more than you will ever know. I called you on Mother's
Day, not realizing until a voice said "this number is no longer in service."
Tears stung my eyes...oh, God! It's just not fair to have to let you go!
I know I should be happy for now you are once again with my Dad...but Mom, I'm not
OK with this at all.
You are gone now and it's just so hard because you were the only Mom I ever had.
Author notes
I lost my Mom a little more than 2 years ago and it is still so hard to believe that I can't pick up the phone and hear her voice. I never got to say good bye and I will never forgive myself for being away for too long.
A contest entry
- A LIFE INTERRUPTED...HAS YOURS BEEN? TELL ME ABOUT IT... by sassylilpoet.
1500 points, ended August 3, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Death is part of life, though one of most painful parts for those of us left behind, after losing a loved one. Because we make our plans as if we have another tomorrow, often we give little thought to dying, and it is such a depressing thought as well. I hear the pain in your write, but I think your deepest pain is feeding off of the heavy burden of guilt that you still carry. You know, I've often thought that people who are diagnosed with an incurable disease and are told before hand that they are going to die have an advantage over those who die suddenly, unexpectedly without warning. Because they get the chance to say all of their goodbyes and make ammends, and say I love you's...so, I guess that's why each of us should live each day as if it were our last and do all of those things while we still have the chance. I hope that with time your pain heals and you can release yourself of the guilt. I'm sure that your mother wouldn't want you grieve and feel guilty. She would want you to enjoy your life and be happy, she would understand and forgive you...so, you too should forgive yourself
Thanks for your entry,
Blessings,
Sassy
-
this was very beautiful and emotional...i have tears in my eyes...it's so hard to lose a loved one...as i read this i thought of my grandmother...watching my mom get "the call"...the pain everyone went through...remembering the last time we had seen her...selling her house...and then being thankful that she was finally with my grandfather.
so sorry for your loss...you'll be in my prayers
Adding your comment:
