Please leave that light on.
I'd do the same.
We'll stay up late
and play that game.
I'll love you forever,
even when the light goes out.
Just wait for me,
don't sit there and pout.
I'll be there for you
know matter what,
to heal your bruse,
and that little cut.
Just leave a light on,
but only for me.
Just don't let go
of my heart and
just wait,
you'll see.
A contest entry
- "Leave A Light on for Me" - A prompt by TwilightAngel026.
525 points, ended July 20, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me your honest opinion
Comments
-
In my opinion I would combine the 3 lines:
"Just don't let go
of my heart and
just wait,"
into:
"Just don't let go of my heart and just wait,"
I felt that breaking it into 3 lines corrupted the flow of the poem. I think you really did it for the sake of consistency since most of the lines are rather short, but I would pick flow over consistency any day. This is just my opinion, mind you.
and also, 'bruse' is spelled incorrectly. It's supposed to be 'bruised'. Other than those things I think the poem is great. It shows sincere emotion. Great write. -
An interesting write, with a few spelling errors, but all in all, a good piece. Thanks for entering!
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