you had raspberry
colored cheeks
and melancholic
hazelnut eyes.
the closings of
tv shows and
the silence
that comes after
filled my heart
and bit my skin.
sandy hair brushed
my face and swept
me out of daydreams.
i opened my baby-blues
and blushed.
simple.
that's the way i
intended it to be.
'can you hear it?'
i asked, wondering if
you can hear the hum
of my mind. records playing
backwards and the vision
of you remaining precious.
you couldn't hear it or course.
no one does.
Author notes
i love how you used to smile.
the way the skin around your eyes would crinkle.
it's sick.
i can't stop myself.
someone make me stop.
In a list
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Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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I just came back to this and read it again after a bit of an absence. This. Is. Fantastic.
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really?
thank you. [: it honestly means so much coming from you.
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Very good.
I love your display of the colours. When people use metaphor to personify colours, that just wins me over! Hahah.
you had raspberry
colored cheeks
and melancholic
hazelnut eyes.
Love the imagery in here. So exquisite and intriguing! Great job and congrats on making the spotlight!
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aw thanks!
C:
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This is very good. The author notes continue the poem, or form a footnote to the main poem, rather than notes. There are plenty of poems about poets' loves on AP; very few of them play around with language and images the way this does.
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i always seemed to put things in the author notes like that.
it's always the stuff that i can never put in a poem.
so really, in all of my poems, the author notes are basically the rawest parts.
thank you for the comment!
C:
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Tingles, all over, stunning.
The sensual build up to a sort of mock naivety sends shivers down my spine. Never have I read something so simple, yet so beautiful. I want to experience the passion you've felt, I know it went wrong, but it is better to have loved an lost than never to have loved at all. You capture the essence of the scenario with a diligence and poise I've only before encountered in the works of poetic greats such as Auden. -
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C:
oh wow.
this comment means a lot to me.
i'm really glad you liked it!
thank you so much!
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It was a great poem
i hope it takes a turn for the best for you
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thank you! ^^
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All pain fades with time. Luck.
that was a wonderful poem, though.
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i'm not sure if this will,
but i really appriciate your comment! C:
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Yeah, makes us all mad. Choice is what it is, even when the people we would kill for don't see the depth.
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exactly.
thank you! C:
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beautiful poem! i loved the imagery!
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C: thank you!
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amaaaaazing.
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=] thank you so much!
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=]
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=]
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Incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible incredible. And powerful. Great job.
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thank you so much! C:
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wow...
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thank you so much! Really! C:
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Bang! Powerful. I'm not crazy about "closings" of TV shows. Is there another noun (gerund) you could use here? "bit" my skin? Is there a more powerful verb you could use here? *gnawed *knifed *gouged
Definately some potential for brilliance on this one, just feel it needs some tweaking. You write with such passion.
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simple.
that's the way i
intended it to be.
loved those lines.
you always expect things in a relationship to be simple but than it turns complicated. it always does.
always.
♥
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makes me think of cheese cake.
:[ i am sorry i hav to be so fat xD
your a great poet i am totally jealous.
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XD
now that i think about it, it does remind me of cheesecake.
i'm fat to, don't worry.
aw, don't be jealous!
i'm jealous of you!
....
-is off to eat cake-
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...It made me cry....
I'm sitting here honestly crying my eyes out, and I can't stop it.
It was everything that happened today...and this just hit me.
I was up for a good cry anyway...so no worries.
great write.
staygold.
jenn
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what happend?!
please tell me!
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Make you stop? But this is so very cute of you. Even though I'm sorry if you're going through this. That second stanza is so cute and natural flowing, it felt as if I'd always known it. This whole poem is so soft and beautiful, the sadness is just an undertone, but one that really speaks loud. "the vision of you remaining precious" - and how precious that is. This is true beauty. Thanks for sharing
~Diana
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