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Distorted

 

 

Flick the light swiftly

and I'm fixated

Fissures spiking sharp

the grey matter

 

Audible ringing

matters less when

brightness masters

 

Concentration connives,

falters and corrupts

leaving recollection remiss

 

Hallucinations can't heal

medicated mysteries

beyond mind's control

 

Chemicals concocted

in spinal column

cheat bodily truths

 

And breath labors

through burdened minutes

begging opiate relief

 

Every moment misplaced

in a memory of

distorted equilibrium

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

This describes the symptoms I get when I have a severe pain episode and some of the aspects of CRPS (chronic regional pain syndrome)

Lightening flashes in the eyes, hollow ringing in the ears, lack of concentration, the mind’s worst memories playing over until medication distorts it and relieves it with it’s own individual nightmare of hallucinations, and difficulty breathing.

Having CRPS, the body manufactures chemicals in the spinal column that distort pain messages going to the brain so that they are disproportionate to the actual movement or message… almost becomes like the phantom pains someone with a amputated limb might feel.

The last stanza to me is about the time wasted on this condition…

I'm sooo sick of it (17 years is enough!).. but gotta get used to it, for it will always be. Meh, the poem aint great, it was written in 10 minutes, but I don't really care lol And hey, I keep smiling.. you have to! It's not gonna beat me!

Anyone else feelin freakin tired?? lol

Update: newest poem on this:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4523416

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Comments

1 - 53 of 53

  • thejollytinker gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, you're gonna have to let me out of this spiral- folks're gonna want breakfast. And don't sneak in reality with poetry, alliteration, pace, meter, rhythm-it's just bad form. Really, I got sucked right into this one- had to hold a girl's hand as she struggled. Write everything in ten minutes, if they're gonna be that good!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I think.. lol

      Meh, it's a medicated mind.. what can I say

  • notorious silver member
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    Damn. Me is bookmarking.

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 23
      Edit | Reply
      So you like this one huh?

      Think I'm gonna change the font!

      • notorious silver member
        September 23
        Edit | Reply
        It's in my special list
        My list doesn't show up on this page!! Probably 'cause I'm not a gold member??
        Like, I can't edit the background of my list page either.

        Whatcha gonna change the font to??

        • kiwigirljacks gold member
          September 23

          Edit | Reply
          Yah it'll be cause you're not gold

          To this!! I think this font works well when I'm describing this stuff lol

          • notorious silver member
            September 23
            Edit | Reply
            I didn't notice the font change But it looks nice, yeah.

  • plainoljoe
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    the cross I bear is mental and hard to handle sometimes. But to live with constant physical, well, I don't know how I'd handle it. The best way I could would be to think of you and the internal strenghth you have. You are truly an inspiration to me

    Joe


  • crimsondew silver member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    must be really hard..I have felt tired many times, but never like this I confess....You have a great soul, and your endurance no doubt is high...
    and so is your smile...keep 'em coming'


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      August 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hun! I am a stubborn mule! But do get worn down at times... like now.. and then my muse disappears boo! lol

      But I keep


      • crimsondew silver member
        August 12
        Edit | Reply
        Let me tell you a secret...I fear you dont have a muse, you are your muse and will never get lost

  • PrInCeSsOfRoCk
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    yep im feeling tired i know i'd just lose it if i had to cope with what i know you have to so props to you ive got a sore back and a cold that wont go away and im at my wits end so hell, youre a legend! haha


  • Chuck Johnson silver member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    The weight of a burden of life can exceed the benefits of living but then our family and loved ones enter our sight and that makes living worth enduring.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    <

    You humble me hun with your kind thoughts and caring heart, despite it's own hurts... you too embody grace!


  • Wrinkling Mind silver member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    you can really get a sense of what you might experience in this poem. I get a sense of dizziness and disorientation, but still an underlying order. I like the alliteration, I think that's what really kept it all together for me. Another great poem.


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks!! I do a lot of alliteration now, but I'm still fairly new to it! Glad you enjoyed it


  • stavykm gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply

    Gee I'm So Sorry

    This is such a powerful poem. Your notes are very informative of this disease. My heart is just breaking for you. Nothing much worse then hurting so badly. As you know my son died from pain meds., oxicotten and he had a lot of painful injuries from motocross. I saw him suffer so much, taking care of him so many of times. It always broke my heart that I couldn't fix it. I feel that way about you, I wish I could fix it.
    As for the poem it is excellent. You are one heck of a poetess.
    Love You
    In My Prayers
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you sis! I'm sorry if this touched a tender place in you! You are always so complimentary on my poems.. I appreciate it! Hope you are doing ok hun.. I know this time is tough for you!


      Love you!

  • mysticstorm gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Sis, I am so sorry you have to live with this...being a chronic pain sufferer myself and dealing with it and insomnia I do know how bad it it...some days you are down so long you feel like you have lost part of your life...Blessings to you dear soul...maybe some day they will find better ways to help us all...
    Love to you!
    Very intense and insightful write...


  • Valley Girl silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Wow hun! Your poem really gives us all an insight to what you must endure. I still can't even imagine what you must go through every day. You are a very strong woman and I hope by writing this poem it helped you even in the tiniest ways. (hugs) ♥

  • chiefmac
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    What a disabilitating syndrome to have pain rule your life. I offer hope and prayers that you will be relieved of this pain. Life is to short and painful without this condition to be amplified by this condition. My heartfelt wishes for you and others. the reader is able to grasp the painful times described and offer a caring view.


  • Carolina Moon silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Sis how well I can relate to your words..it took a long time to come to terms with having to live with chronic, debilitating pain..though some days, it feels more than I can take, as I am sure you know all about that. My heart goes out to anyone that has to endure such agony. I am however, yet thankful and blessed as it could always be worse..well, there again, chronic pain? It's not easy. Like you, it depresses me to have to rely on narcotics just to make it through our day. But alas, we are strong, hehe and this too, we shall survive!!
    May you see more good days than bad my dear friend.
    & love ya,
    Linda


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      We are both strong indeed!

      And I hope you see more good than bad too hun. Thought of you and others when writing this!

      Love you!


      • Carolina Moon silver member
        July 20
        Edit | Reply
        Yep! We might be slowed down a bit, but watch out world, we ain't done yet

  • Amera gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    First of all I am so sorry to learn that you have this problem. With this poem you have composed a wonderful blend of the physical with the metaphysical. With a poem like this I can’t help but add my two cents as medicine is my love. Complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), also called reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome, is a chronic pain condition in which high levels of nerve impulses are sent to an affected site. Doctors believe that CRPS occurs as a result of dysfunction in the central or peripheral nervous systems. CRPS/RSDS has readily identifiable signs and symptoms and is treatable if recognized early; however, the syndrome may become disabling if unrecognized. The American Association of Hand Surgery proposed changing the name to sympathetic maintained pain syndrome. A consensus expert panel recommended a change to complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS). However, although many clinicians still use the term RSDS, the terms currently in favor are complex regional pain syndrome I (the equivalent of RSD) and complex regional pain syndrome II, also known as causalgia. TENS has been used for treatment but the only real therapy as of late is, heat and cold therapy.
    Sorry to ramble on, the poem is fantastic.

    Love,
    Amera♥


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Amera! Yes, that's exactly it! Mine comes from injuries sustained in a car accident 17 years ago and subsequent surgeries, last one being a hip replacement, I have damage to my SI joint and also arthritis in my lower spine, my other hip is deteriorating to due to the uneven gait and weight placement.

      TENS I have found is great! So is Morphine Sorry.. I do try to laugh about it...

      I really appreciate your comment hun!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Aww hunni, I can so relate, tho I don't suffer with CRPS I do suffer constant chronic pain (same thing really!) due to collapsing dics and nerve damage. The mind can play terrible tricks on you when your at your lowest ebb. Should pass you some of my meds tho...I tend to go completely blank after Not ideal but a welcomed relief at times. Its not something we ever grow used to, I'd say we tend to adapt, reluctantly. The poem is excellent, one of your best yet IMO, I really felt every word, was like a nodding dog while reading And so going in my HOF Superbly penned hunni


  • Lucy. gold member
    July 20
    Edit | Reply

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply

    Oh you... gives you a big hug I would say more but I don't know what else to say just take care of yourself the best that you can get plenty of rest much love

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    oh auntie jacks *sends big hugs to you* i love you lots =[ dont forget that

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I won't sweetie! Love you lots too! I'm doing ok.. just something I wanted to write about


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Jackie, you know my feelings and you have my heart felt sympathy, for me it's only 15 years with mine, but I do know what it's like.

    Take care...
    Love
    Sue


  • The Unknown Poet1
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    exhausted!


  • SweetXDestiny silver member
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    aunte
    i hate to read that your suffering
    i love you

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I'm ok sweetie! I'm tough

      Just a bit tired.. and wanted to get that write out describing how it is.. at it's worst.. but I'm ok right now.

      Love you lots

  • Ravensdark
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Tis a painful write on multiple levels. It describes the physical pain, the emotional pain that comes with the physical and the mental pain induced by chemical solace. Your imagery is fanastic it really paints eiree and surreal pictures. I admire the truth and honesty with which you have written. Great poem.


  • rbruce gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Firstly, my sympathies are with you. I am an amputee and know full well the effects of phantom pain. Its Ok now but it took a lot of years to go away. You are stuck with yours, and I can imagine the frustrations of living with it all the time knowing it won't end. I can only send HUGS, lots of them. Best wishes

    Bob


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    A deeply pensive piece dear that touched my soul, and I've felt pain like that before.


    Love and peace always,
    mj.


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I'm sorry you've felt it my friend!

      Kinda just wrote itself in like 10 minutes... lol


  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply

    Oh Jacks

    Sweetie,
    I am so sorry that you suffer from CRPS. I won't say I understand. However, after 11 surgeries and dealing daily with depression, I do understand cronic pain. Your write makes me feel your pains my sweet friend. Writing is often a good release when all else fails. I'm still in a lot of pain but decided to start writing a little again.

    If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here or close by. You can also email me at david92061@yahoo.com if you would like to chat outside of AP.

    Take care
    Many blessings

    David


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my friend!
      Just feeling sick and tired of it.. ya know? I know you do!
      s to you!!

  • notorious silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    I assume I'm allowed to read now!!

    WOW--I felt like I had a pain disorder when I read this...it's so vivid (and physically, not to mention) descriptive. I feel bad for you--go have some Diet Coke!!

    "and I'm fixated"
    This could refer to so much more.

    "Fissures spiking sharp
    the grey matter"
    Oh man, I can imagine like...a brain monitor thing. Crazy.

    "matters less when brightness masters"
    I love that!! It makes me think of ignoring a phone call...also makes me think of migraines, and of course, everything you wrote about in your AN.

    "leaving recollection remiss"
    Ahh, amnesia!! That's terrible. =[ Well, that's what it makes me think of. Every symptom up there is one that would have me writing invitations to pity parties...LoL.

    "Hallucinations can't heal"
    Of course not!! LoL, very blunt

    "medicated mysteries
    beyond minds control"
    An apostrophe to make it --> mind's
    Otherwise, how vivid and to-life here...If your mind can't control your thoughts & drugs don't help, what do you do? <--plot for the next thriller

    "through burdened minutes
    begging opiate relief"
    Oh good, you found another excellent place to incorporate 'opiate' (:
    Although..ouch.

    "distorted equilibrium"
    Great phrase (but the meaning--oh my).

    This is what I mean when I say poems complaining or describing something negative are easier to write!! This is really good. (:


  • Cannonsfire silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Oh SIL, makes me wanna hug you but now I am afraid I'd break you lol...it can be all too hard sometimes and no one ever gets better, it just goes on and on

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