His are the eyes
of a poetry man, and in
them I see so much
love lost, made, thrown
away, eyes almost afraid
to believe that love might
actually be found
and stay
so, I stay
drawn in like the tide
by two beautiful black moons;
he holds my hands in
the dark, begins a sonnet
on my lips, and when
I push my heart against his
I can feel walls crumble -
I am not sure
if they are his
or mine
so, I stay...
Author notes
i can't shake this little feeling (i read the rules)
Challenge: To make the contest host feel something - I hope I succeeded a little bit
In a list
A contest entry
- Inspire Me by shelly webster.
2000 points, ended August 6, 34 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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This was superbly excellent, so, so beautiful it leaves me speechless.
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I definately indeed felt something. I love your flow.. It carried me through the piece. And you elaborated just enough on everything that I didn't feel like I was missing something or I was being overwhelmed with detail. It's mysterious and majestic at the same time.. It feels like he's on the verge of discovering or realizing something completely and spiritually altering.. and that's why he stays. And that was a great way to end it. Not explaining anymore in depth than that, leaving the reader in a sense of wonder.
Thank you for entering.
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And what a lucky poetry man he is...
To have and hold your heart Lane would be like holding gold in the palm of your hand...treasure!
This is beautiful and I do not know if it made the host feel, but it certainly did me...
☼Becky☼
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"and in
them I see so much
love lost, made, thrown
away,"
I loved those lines, and also about the sonnet started on your lips. Everything in this is quite well written, with the metaphores and so on. Simple, but magnificent - as always!
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I love the image you present of gazing into the eyes of a man and the things you see there; it's enough to make you melt and usually does.
You have such a wonderful way of making your words real but still maintaining such a beautifully smooth poetic feel to them...honest poetry.
Best wishes in the contest.
Love Margaret
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I Love this... and boy can I relate to the love lost and love thrown away. Beautiful!
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I'm new and I've only read a handful of poems here so far, but this one really touched me.
Some real talent here.
Antonio
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Antonio, welcome
And thank you for leaving such a nice comment on my poem, Poetry Man. If you want to get familiar with some very good poets right away, then read my favorites list...you won't find better writers anywhere. Love, Lane PS: Oh, and I'll be by to read your work, too
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Left me speechless!!
A real, live poetess... ahh, the true beauty of that! I've said it a thousand times before, and here's one more for good measure... "YOU ARE THE BEST!!". Never am I disappointed, or less than inspired, or not so overwhelmed by your words that I find myself lovingly lost in the sheer beauty of them. "So I stay!"... forever held captive by a truly wonderful person, and her magnificent words. I loved everything about this one!
Always,
Troy
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Troy...you always make me feel good. Thank you so much for this. Love, Lane
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There's a lot to be said for perseverance when so much is riding on it.
Good one Mermaid
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the first "So, I stay" just slaps me in that face with feeling. This write has so much style and character and the line breaks enhance the flow perfectly. "two beautiful black moons". Beautiful. -Jamie
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Jamie, thanks so much for reading. Sometimes, I just like to write sweet love poetry and I don't care if it is mushy or not, you know? Love, Lane
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begins a sonnet
on my lips,
...ahhhh, sigh
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Good stuff.
It's tough to resist checking ownership of those crumbling walls.
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this is a rare fillet pen, so soft and tender it can be cut with a spoon and has that dessert aftertaste of gingered sherbet and fine wine. Heartfelt - inspirational to say the very least.
worthy of a very large tip
Len
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I really like this a lot Lane. It's so...... soft.
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I thought that this was going to be about someone I know, but it isn't, SO for whom ever it is for/about, I
sit here in envy.
Nice visuals Lane.
Joe
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Beautiful.
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great job
I felt your passion the second stanza was beautiful. Thank you for a great read, Boog -
Feelings may be real in the feeling but they are not the event, only the effect. The host of the contest may or may not allow themselves to be part of the event you describe. Their loss if they stay outside. It is never about the walls anyway. It is about the journey to the walls, the way the earth becomes jello and how you mold the clay once the walls have fallen. Be it poetry man or raven woman, the menu for gun powder or the first fusion of atoms to create sun -- what counts is how lovers leave indelible language upon the heart of each other.
Love, Tom B.
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this seems a bit cliche to m
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well, yeah, sometimes I can be guilty of cliche but love has a way of doing that I thank you for at least reading my poem. Love, Lane
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So very nice, some wonderful thoughtful feelings here...PK
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Beautiful!!!
Good luck in the contest, this is a winner!!!
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Ah, what a clever and soulful penning Lane, how could any passionate heart resist?
All the best in the contest,
Love and peace always,
mj.
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You certainly made ~me~ feel something, at least
That first stanza was so sweet (I got a little choked up)...and the imagery of the second (breathtaking)...with repetition to drill it all home...wow.
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"I push my heart against his
I can feel walls crumble -
I am not sure
if they are his
or mine"
This is lovely, what a beautiful moment
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lol at Jeff...careful he'll get all soppy like and look like that puppy left at your gate waiting to be let in
I know how this feels hun, a person who makes you feel and a heart that won't let it go sigh... Love, C
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I have written sonnets most places, why not on lips
Now that is an image for a sonneteer!!!!
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I wish I could.
stay
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