My state of mind 2008

ok, i went thru my anger part, and yea i was pretty mad at men in general at that moment, but now its a whole different story.

One day  they will all see

what they have been missing

i try to make them see that i am more than just an attitude

attitude....more than what they have been seeing

i wanna let go of the past, but the past wont let me go

so how do i conquer my past

hmmm...i dont know..wait...i face my present and look to my future

cus the last thing i wanna do is put my past towards my revenge

i still wonder what could have been, and i wonder how it would have been

nice i suppose...maybe...

i hold on to things of him that make me smile... i hold on to memories of the rest of them that make me happy

but then i wonder ...with such gud memories , how could they not see what i had to offer

blindness is not the answer, but confusion gets thru half, and anger concludes it

but i dont wanna be angry, cus thats not the way i wanna be

i put my heart into him too deep and its still there...slightly....but im able to lift it a little each day

i have my relapses when i look at him, and then...i wanna cry

cus it shuld be me that he and they hold on to

it shuld be me that he and they call to when problems arise

it shuld be me that they all kiss just because

it shuld be....

it shuld....

it....

i shuld be the one that lets all this be buried in the past and left there to decompose and rot, cus thats where it needs to be

because it ruining my whole exsistance, my mind cant handle it nemore

i have created a whole ball of confusion and hate towards love that i shuldnt have

at 21

not saying that i hated love just disgusted at it for that moment

i have loved before, but my prom date let it fall to pieces

i dont hate him for it , i thank him for still being there

even tho he didnt know that half the shit i did, or the reason why he saw my attitude so much is because ...well...

i was mad ok, mad that he tore my heart into little itty bitty pieces, and left them there to be picked up by the hoover

i still feel the pain dammit...evey time i see or hear about another person in his life it

makes me cringe, and angry all over again, and i hate the fact that i always let myself get to that point ALL THE DAMN TIME

WAIT....wait...wait

see!!!!

i relapsed again

thats what im talking about

im struggling with it all, i dont know what to do with myself

and ms.leytha is not helping the situation at all

she yells to damn much!!!!

i shuld tell him everything , but i cant

cus he wont hear it...and i know he wont

u know y

lets just say...self indulgence is a BITCH!!!!

u cant listen to no one else when u only hear yourself now!!!

i wanna confinde in my friends to tell them my whole story

but i dont want them to think im crazy

or even more crazy

but for now i deal with it all on my own , like i have been doin all along

except now i let all of myspace hear my pain

i hope yall understand if not well



u just dont