Vibrant, meaty flesh licks flesh,
like carcasses that were never fresh,
as vultures of the ground pursue
the painful squawking of
her innocently homicidal heart.
-and you-
The hunt-the stalk-the track-and trail-
the nerves-the height- the scent-is stale.
scour inattentive thought,
and poach the egg you could have bought.
Scavenge-avenge-revenge-who
would slice the knife up into you;
your heart pa-pumping rhythmically,
may skip - like me -
and miss a beat.
Tragically.
A contest entry
- Macabre Medicines! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended August 24, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You Freakin' Rock
That was powerful. For real. As much as I don't like making stylistic suggestions to other poets, the lines:
Scavenge-avenge-revenge-who
would slice the knife up into you;
would sound better if they went:
Scavenge-avenge-revenge-who
would slice the knife up in you;
It just seems to have a better ring to it. But that's just me. The poem is still fantastic.
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thanks!! I'm really glad you like it, means a lot.
thanks again
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Your rhyme in this is spectacular, I do so love this,
Your form you have written in it most could not pull it off but you did and it turned out so very wel, written amazingly and in detail, i love it so much,
all my love best of luck in the contest,
kitty xxx -
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thanks I'm so glad you like it! Really awesome contest by the way *thumbsup*
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