Pink four walls to cradle me
and I’m tired of holding it in.
So many years…
it has been so long
and still here I am
alone to tend to my wounded heart.
I turn to the only person that has shown me true and unconditional love…
The only person that has been there shining me with support
and told me how she will never leave me alone…
Me!
Ha!
They think that they are so sly,
talking behind my back.
Smiling to my face,
repeating my business like if it was theirs.
Judging me with facts that they guessed
and things that they have fabricated to make it all make sense.
They don’t know though.
Of how much I know,
that I know it all
and to their game I have caught on.
I have gone through so much more
than these stupid whispers.
I have suffered so much more
than these stupid stares.
No I won’t let them suck me in…not this time.
I entered this world with a cruel disease!
That shown itself in my baby face
making it weird and odd, red and hairy.
My legs it torture with painful stains and trapped angry fluids.
It attached itself to me and didn’t let go.
Bringing with it friends that I wasn’t fund of…
Humiliation and self hatred.
I was raised with rejection wrapped in a badly affection.
and to all I was taught to pretend
that I was all ok, that I was normal!
Years passed and I didn’t know it’s name
Years passed and I cried and cried in my bed
quiet and in the dead of night!
Just recently I was told of it’s horrible name,
and to all that are listening I say:
I was born with Lymphedema!
If I was another I would be a miserable girl.
If I was you I wouldn’t be alive.
I could be a weak person.
I could hold a grudge when I look in my mirror.
But since I am me I fight it all.
I fight for the inner me!
In self hatred I don’t swim in anymore.
To humiliation I laugh for it doesn’t have a hold on me anymore.
Since I am me I embrace it all and make it a part of me.
I could be left alone to tend to a wounded heart and hurt soul.
It’s ok! For one day I will find another that will mend with me.
That will click with me, that will love me for me.
I carry it all on my shoulders and with great pride
for it made me strong, it made me a fighter.
Look at me good and see what I hold.
Stay for more than 5 minutes and I’ll show you how it’s done.
In the ugly I search for beauty.
In depression I search for strength.
In Gabriela Estevez I search for me!
I won’t stop until you see her as I see her
I won’t stop until you feel her as I feel her.
Saturday July 27, 2008
Silver trophy winner
Adding your comment:
...I did my research and learned something. Your write shows how beautiful you are inside and out. Those who have judged, or shunned you because of your appearance also have an illness called Ignorance. They also lack the beauty that you possess. Thank you for this most beautiful write and may you always be blessed.
