You thrilled me,
made me wanna read your mystery.
After your prologue
all I found was
excuses & escape clauses
that tasted of
all those other magazine articles,
embellishments
& bullshit.
How sad I was,
disappointed.
& all those
akimbo cartwheels I performed for you,
for just one more chapter;
how, after taking you through all my hidden places
I questioned my poise,
wondering,
should I lose a little more weight?
Have I rotted in my core?
Is that the problem?
Petty perverted heresies
that had to be excised,
exorcised,
sent back to nothing.
So sad,
how I disappointed myself.
Maybe someday,
& maybe not,
I'll read one of your short stories.
But no more novels.
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 36 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
is this clever and slightly condescending, or just plain bitter?
Comments
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This is clever, I like it a lot… however I do feel it gets a little too bitter towards the middle with all of your petty questions. Actually, the question part was my least favorite; I don’t think I really liked the bit about you disappointing yourself either. I’m wondering if the ending would be more effective if you removed the “& maybe not” part. Oh, and what about changing the of in the second stanza a like? This is cool, thanks for entering.
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It's cleverly condescending with a splash of bitter for flavor. Nicely done.
"Petty perverted heresies
that had to be excised," <--- Particularly good.
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