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no missed calls

bottle caps
on the tracks
remind me

too many stairs,
tag-fucked hall

staring at the screen,
no missed calls

its late
but im waiting

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Ephiphany gold member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    this is deep coming from a youngster gr8t lyrics, I can feel you in this for real. Gr8t job and good luck.

    e


  • Mallig gold member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this, there was a lot of "reality" packed into these few words, much yearning in those last lines. Great job!


  • secberm
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    Now see this? This is your stank here. I like this lil sis... Lemme break this down for a few folks.

    "...too many stairs,
    tag-fucked hall..."

    What'chu know 'bout the projects? Lemme find out! These two lines has multiple meanings, don't they?

    "...staring at the screen,
    no missed calls..."

    Who cannot relate to this? Besides me, of course, cause I'm a pimp.

    I like the whole piece, lil sis. (Now you got me talking like Rev. Jesse Jackson in the 80's) The flow-osity of your poetry-metrics has the astound-ations of all astound-osity. LOL

    Thanks for entering and good luck. One.

    Dez

    Oh, since you 16, you better watch your mouth around this grown man.

1 - 5 of 5