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Heartbroken



My princess knelt to seek my hand
And I, the fool, bade her proceed.
Before I'd time to understand
She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

     She rose unknown from out the lake,

     How could I know she came to feed,

     Before I found my grave mistake,

     She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

The fruit she sought was ripe and firm,

The product of the finest seed.
No mercy for this hapless worm,
She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

      My princess knelt to seek my hand,
      She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

 

Her beauty holds me in its thrall,

The victim of a gruesome deed.

To bring about my tragic fall

She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.
     She trapped me with the power of night,

     To satisfy her lust and greed.

     No witness to the dreadful sight,

     She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.
A shadow of the man I was,

A warning that all fools should heed,

I've lost my soul and all because

She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

     Her beauty holds me in its thrall,

     She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

 
Each day I watch her evil grow
I have to follow every lead
No way to act on what I know
She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.
     I yearn to find a sweet release
     To find a way I can be freed
     The torture of my life must cease
     She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.
I may not die, she owns my life
She's tied me to the basest creed
I took this harpy as my wife
She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.
     Each day I watch her evil grow
     She plucked my heart and watched it bleed.

 

Author notes

A Kyrielle sonnet is not (in my mind, others don't agree with me!) strictly a sonnet but perhaps a fourteen line poem in iambic tetrameter rhymed either AabB ccbB ddbB AB or AbaB cbcB dbdB AB where the capital letters represent not just the rhyme but a repeated line.

This is a triple Kyrielle sonnet rhymed AbaB cbcB dbdB AB EbeB fbfB gbgB EB HbhB ibIB jbjB HB

The picture is
"Forbidden" by manips-of-artist2

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 47     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Nikkisixxx
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is probably one of the best poems I have read in a long time. The words you use are amazing, and even in your rhyming you don't seem at all to be trying. Amazing, thank you!

  • CitrineSunrise
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    I love this form of poetry and especially the way you have made it your own. You are an expert at rhyming and form and just reading your work is a lesson learned. The progression of emotion from first to last is well executed, and the tragedy of an unhappy marriage to a beautiful woman is timeless. Excellent as always. Peace, Liz


  • krystal balllll
    September 20
    Edit | Reply
    geeez have enough comments? This is really good.


  • georgie
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!! this tis incredible... one of ur best pieces if not the best. would love to read more along this line and i can see why you won the gold... it was well deserved... stunning,
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx

  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, so deserving of the trophies! That picture is lovely, and as I've said many a time, I admire people who can write well in form, yourself included

    The kyrielle-sonnet is my new favourite form, and who better to write one than the master of form-poetry? I'm so happy I clicked! Imagery was aplenty, and seeing this dark side of you was a lovely change; what a welcome breath of fresh air!

    I attempted my first form-poem in ages the other day, and it was - you guessed it- a double kyrielle-sonnet... a romantic one! I thought, "oh, wow; Jeff would be proud of me", since I know we've had the free-verse versus form discussion many times in our respective tenures on AP Yours was much better than my attempt, of course

    All the best,
    Laura


  • Tirrell
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    congrats on its two trophies, this is a fine triple kyrille sonnet, and is most enchanting. What beautiful imagery you have woven and made this such a delightful read.--Robert


  • dame de la riviere silver member
    September 11

    Edit | Reply

    Delightfully Impressive

    This is my second time reading this powm...I was so stunned the last time that I didn't knwo what to say. You are very skilled and have written a fantastic poem. , Dannie


    • cricketjeff gold member
      September 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you for the kind comments, it is a poem I was very pleased with.

  • Kissmysock
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely loved this form you chose. I've never heard of it before, but I'm glad I came and discovered it

    This may be due to the chosen image, but when I read it I didn't picture it as a 'heart' but as an apple, and of this woman biting into it and consuming it over time, leaving only a hollowed core.

    Magnificent poem! =)


  • whispersoftly
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good write, im a fan of form poetry, this is beautifully done! poetry like this makes me wish i hadnt stayed away so long c

  • Manoj Sanyal
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem indeed..
    Best wishes.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    August 31

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo! Standing in applause!

    Wow Jeff. I am not at all surprised to see trophies adorning this beauty. Not only in words but in artistic presentation, this poem holds true to Kyrielle Sonnet in the richest of its form.

    Anchor lines lilt and carry the poem without being obvious. They are strong and incorporated beautifully without being an encumbrance.

    OH I just enjoyed this so much. Thank you for sharing this gem. Wonderful poetry, as it was meant to be written, meant to be read. Ahhhhhhhh. ~Pamela

    *** pulls out a a gold trophy from her closet - hands it over ***


    • cricketjeff gold member
      August 31

      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you, I don't usually enjoy repeating line forms, but here I found a good line, it started just as two sonnets, but I think the third added quite a bit. I am really very surprised how well it worked with one line appearing quite that often, that excellent poets and critics such as you have enjoyed it means a lot to me

  • xXDarkChildXx
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what lovely imagiry there is here. I love the way you wrote the poem. You compared yourself to a apple, great lovely analogy. And ho wit bleeds, oh, what images I get. Lovely job indeed, congrats on the trophy, and luck on the next contest.


  • Venus25
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    Very wonderful Mr Cricket!


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    You should have won....

  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    August 19

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely poem!!! And the form was kinda new to me but it was really done so well!!!
    This picture makes me think of Snow White yet she is not the good girl that we all know in this poem.
    I've bookmarked this!!!

    VERY WELL DONE!!!

    Keep well
    Becks

  • Eusebius
    August 18

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Ah, this is most wonderful and wonderous, haunting and so very excellent! It brought to mind the spell cast by Keats in "La Belle Dame Sans Merci". Just a terrific poem! Bravo!!!

  • celadia
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    If this is silver, I'd love to see gold, this was pro, man. Every time I read one of your poems I wonder why you aren't publishing books of poetry, really you're that good. No lies. Just a fantastic fantasy and it made me feel the tragedy of this man's life.

    • cricketjeff gold member
      August 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you, you are far too kind. I was very pleased with this poem, Sue Cardwell provoked me into adding the third stanza and I am so pleased she did.
      If you ever find a publisher who shares your opinion of my poetry, please let me know!

  • Eternal Pain
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    love it!! Nice talent you got there

  • piccola gold member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    #1 thank you for adding to the author notes and obeying a rule that probably seems asinine. #2 it is a beautiful write and thank you for entering.

  • a dozenglassroses
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing piece of poetry. You truely have master rhyme and meter. I just started trying it out.
    The truth in your poem is well written as well. Your poetry is amazing keep writing.
    MJ


  • sidewinder silver member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    you do something here that I have no skill at... and that is form poetry... and you are quite skilled as I see.
    and now what I see as the essence of this piece...
    thy words scream within crimson flow as the darkness smiles with in the abyss.
    Bill

  • luvdrkchocolate
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have penned in here. I'm glad that I stumbled onto this one because I love form poetry. And even before I got to the author notes I could tell it was in some kind of form. I thought it might be some kind of villianelle but it wasn't. Either way it had good pace and meter. You did a good job of expressing yourself here.

  • Allan Emery silver member
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad.


  • malmadre gold member
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Bloody good! for some reason the meter comes shining through for me in this one..I might get a better understanding of meter after all..maybe some day.
    This is a darker one for you, I hope it's not true to life

    . Rewarded 4

1 - 30 of 47     1 2  next >  (show all)