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the men of the trees

you could call us the men of the trees

 

while your great-grandfather Adam walked in the garden

his god gave us the  immense forest

 

where we could watch each rubescent dawn burst

from an incandescent east and fade to blue

 

and congregate in our howling treetops as they swayed

with life and carmine flowers bloodied by rain

 

we could not hear the serpent instigate the gardener’s revolt

the latter evasive in his girdled leaves

 

thrust from his domicile like fire drives the deer

descendent into the hard fields and long day’s pastures

 

to repent at leisure in the consequent suffering of a carnal world

and to lament the justice he saw his god dispense

 

you are the great-grandson of the apple-eater and his mate

and conjure from your borrowed wisdom such a notion

 

evolution was the fruit of your larcenous tree

by which we should be juveniles of the same secretive mother

 

but oh you are too haughty in your imagined rationality

to admit to such an instinctive second-cousin

 

and you conceal the common pattern that creates us a relation

and instead distance us with a facile epithet – prosimian

 

so chisel our name upon the last log you haul from the forest

and if it is arcane or lost to your memory

 

you could call us the men of the trees

 

 

Author notes

"The clandestine evolution in the mother's shadow."
~W.H. Auden

Free verse, selecting from this word bank:

facile, evolution, prosimian, carnal, carmine, secretive, chisel, instinctive, domicile, evasive, relation, instigate, congregate, immense, dispense, juvenile, rubescent, descendent.

Ignoring rule 1. Deal with that - this is free verse!

Paying special attention to rule 7.

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • parenchma
    September 3
    Edit | Reply
    I wish I had an afternoon and beverage
    to discuss this
    till sunset

  • Amera gold member
    August 14
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations Sis.

  • Blue Rew gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    Bravo for bringing this creative blend of
    fable and perseption to the table! I had no idea
    rule one was ignored until your notes...so more
    applause for not conforming your work. There is
    a distinct rhythm found here. The use of the
    word bank is hard to decipher admidst all of the
    other glorious vocab. I say fable because there
    is a focused message here and it is when I can
    strongly agree with. So much can be ignored in
    the name of righteousness. You explore this well
    and succinct in this focused verse. Blue

  • Pure Thought silver member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply

    I love it

    When I read a poem, then find out it's word bank bound.
    Yes, you succeeded handily in this one.

    Three applause beings, doing their best to stand.
    Buddy


  • IronMaiden1236
    August 10
    Edit | Reply

    *&$#@

    How can I tell you how beautiful your poetry is if you use all the good words in it??? LOL

  • Bad Bill
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    At first, I was thrown slightly by line length, but upon re-reading, I got into the pattern and I really enjoyed your use of the word bank ( and your use of language in general).

    Well done,
    Bill


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      It's the second piece of free verse I have written recently using longer lines. I figure that if it is "free", who says the lines have to be short?

  • Amera gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    "Not Bad" ... This is a wonderful read as you have taken a tale from scripture, melded it with a narration and bent it to your will. I found the poem captivating. You did succeed as the word bank is not noticed at all.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • cricketjeff gold member
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    great stuff, I love the viewpoint.


  • Melodies silver member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply

    Ah, a word bank poem!

    I had no idea you wrote this from a word bank, for it comes with your elegant stamp.


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      I think that means I succeeded! The secret, I feel, is to write a poem into which the words from the bank seem to fit naturally.

  • Peteskid gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful use of creative expression here, and beneath the words such powerful ideas of fairness and respect for creatures with a dignity of life and a knowing existence, so welldone...oh yes..wordbank too...PK


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      You have no idea how much I hate working from a word bank, 'Skid. Unless I can find some original way to use it... So many word bank poems seem to shoehorn the words in. Anyhow - thanks for your assessment - you appreciated exactly what I was trying to say.
1 - 18 of 18