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Shortchanged

 

 

I cut corners

around my soul

 

Searching to find

even a small part

of myself still alive

 

A shorter jaunt

than I imagined

 

For existence

traded with life

a long time ago

 

Trimmed miles

off that road many see

as a journey

 

Mine leads

nowhere fast

 

A blessing

when the end

destination is desolate

 

And I wonder if they

ever sit in their old age

 

think back to an

innocence

 

they unceremoniously

shortchanged

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Just random thoughts I had today... innocence ended around 4

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Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • sheltered
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    a real thinker here
    love the questioning ending


  • Weltt
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    If these are just random thoughts I can only imagine the emotionally turmoil upon directly tackling issues within your mind. Such depth of sorrow. Your pen always sways true to yourself. Really liked the ending here.


  • Valley Girl Greeters member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow hun! Definetly an emotional and personal piece. I am sure many people can agree that they have tried to cut corners and then looked back and wondered what happened and why they chose to lead a different path. Strong piece hun! Take care! ♥


  • poppa silver member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    know the feeling in this write well.... I too find it hard to stick to the old adage of no regrets...
    great write


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, this is such a sad piece that you have forsaken so much in your life that you now feel shortchanged. It's never too late to reclaim childhood, go out and swing on a swing, walk on the beach with the sun in your hair. We spend too much time stopping the child in us all. Wonderful poem. Best to you


  • crimsondew silver member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    Childhood innocence is precious..I can say I carried it around for a little longer than 4, still miss it!
    beautiful write dear!


  • HeavensDaughter
    August 25
    Edit | Reply
    Those are pretty heavy random thoughts. Wow! Well expressed, hon.


  • Amera gold member
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    As always, your work is absolutly brilliant. I just love the time I get when I spend it reading your work. You are a true inspiration.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • stavykm gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    Increadible Thoughts At That!!

    Your poem is just brilliant. Yes I believe we will and already do wonder about where we shortchanged ourselves with the little shortcuts in life that we make. I loved this poem and I wish you the best in the contest. This is about as real as it gets for all of us.
    Much Love
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


  • Dalaney gold member
    August 24
    Edit | Reply

  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    wow mia bella cugina - this was sorta powerful lol
    awesome write, just enough to make you go hmmmmmm - and ponder a few things, well done

    Tasha

  • SoulWhispher
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    This was such a well written poem, it was so full of emotion, you have really created a masterpiece here, Love JOhn


  • balenciaga silver member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    If i wasn't so tired, I'd leave you a longer comment. But this is quite frankly beautiful.

    Meg

    .


  • notorious
    August 22

    Edit | Reply

    Ooh

    When I saw you'd posted something new I was like:
    Now I'm cackling virtually because your muse is obviously back...unleashed, that's right bitch! *has a tendency to swear for no reason*

    I notice that you don't use commas or periods at all. I LOVE IT!!!

    "I cut corners
    around my soul"
    Awesome beginning. It's visual, a strong opening & well...it makes me think of somebody being shortchanged!! Which of course suits the piece.

    "Searching to find
    even a small part
    of myself still alive"
    Can you GET darker or more desolate?

    "A shorter jaunt
    than I imagined"
    This makes me think of a dead end. Or just depression. I love the way you used 'jaunt' & "than I imagined" makes me think of false hope you had before.

    "For existence
    traded with life
    a long time ago"
    Oh my GOD, that's so...'existence' is often say, a synonym for life...but with this juxtaposition...well, WOW. Fucking genius Jacks.

    "Trimmed miles
    off that road many see
    as a journey"
    The 'that' you use makes it point to one distinct thing you don't FULLY explain to everyone. Which of course is good...intrigue anyone?

    I like the use of 'trimmed'--it's a well-chosen adjective. It feels a bit like "cut corners".

    "Mine leads
    nowhere fast"
    You're making me sad! LoL
    I love the simplicity...expresses your point well & it doesn't have any of that cute, pretentious crap Lane didn't want. <--*abuses this emoticon*

    "A blessing
    when the end
    destination is desolate"
    Hey, what happened to not trying suicide again! LMAO, that was a long time ago, right?
    "destination is desolate"<--like me clicking on this poem & reading this desolate stuff!!!
    You depict your own emotions very well.
    Which Lane does too.

    "And I wonder if they
    ever sit in their old age

    think back to an
    innocence

    they unceremoniously
    shortchanged"
    Sounds like family crap that happened a long time ago...lost your innocence when you were 4?! I guess your childhood wasn't Crayola & spaghetti sauce...but it did get some good poetry. 'shortchanged' was a good way to end it. I don't normally like poems that use the title somewhere in the poem, but it's such a good word!! Why have I never used it?!!

    Me likes. Mucho.
    Good luck

    ,
    Jessica


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      August 22

      Edit | Reply
      hehe.. like the swearing for no reason!

      Thanks! No, I'm not feeling suicidal or anything.. just pensive random thoughts

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    Good stuff.
    Particularly like the balance of cut corners and short changed.
    Good luck in the contest.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow hunni, such a sad piece! I can really relate, the difference between life and existence really isn't clear until it happens. You have done an awesome job with this...put it in such a poetic form. I love 'cut corners around my soul' beautifully said. You have used the term shortchanged brilliantly. A superb write, all the best in your contest


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    stunning. im sure many can relate. you are an amazing poet. <3


  • Rovingone gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That was something I've often wondered myself, expressed in such clarity. You can certainly cut to the quick. Sometimes it seems like there isn't much to our existance, but you prove there much need for yours with this sort of philosophical statements. Superb!

  • chiefmac
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely work. To look at life and see where the ceremony ends and struggle begins, ending somewhere between innocence and an unfullfilled life of hopes.


  • Carolina Moon silver member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    You are such an amazing writer Sis! Best of luck my friend, on a most beautifully written thought!


  • markgrif gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    It's a gift to be able to transfer such thoughts to poetry in my opinion.

    Good work here.

    Much Love,
    Mark


  • runewalker gold member
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    the moon appear bright, until we see its other side


  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply

    powerful

    unflinching, you have deftly penned a 'gold standard' piece in my book!


  • arafura
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    First class. Very insightful.

  • strangerforeigner
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    Delicious. Sad, but written so sharply that the reader can't help but devour. Well done, poet.

  • The Unknown Poet1
    August 22
    Edit | Reply


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    We all think about where we are going and where we might end up SIL, this says you had those thoughts today and it's a human trait to think of them now and again, but hey girl you got lots of life in ya yet and you have to come visit me too!

1 - 32 of 32