If you will listen I want to talk about my past,
About the joy and despair that didn't last.
I'd like to tell you about all the love I have known,
And how out of it hatred has so often grown.
My frequent failures I need to explain,
Maybe it will lighten my load, ease my pain.
Sanity has never seemed so very distant,
As it does right now, in this confused instant.
Sitting here remembering those days gone by,
I'm starting to feel I desperately need a shot of rye.
In my head so many memories begin to blend,
An insane, fucked-up mixture of emotions they send.
All of the childhood joys surface and then sink,
Next, it is of my first marriage that I think.
Followed by the crazy mix of whiskey and pills,
And the attempts to escape reality with sexual thrills.
So many tears these eyes have bitterly shed,
The intense joy I knew on the day I wed.
With everything existing equally inside my brain,
Is there even a remote possibility that I am still sane?
Can I truly distinguish between reality and fantasy?
Or am I trapped in a world only I can see?
I could tell you of memories I have so vivid and clear,
Intimately describing each passing year.
If I showed you my heart and the depths of my soul,
Would you see what I see or just a black fucking hole?
I know I'm geting off track, sorry to mislead,
But my memories have raised questions and answers I need.
They are answers I know only I can give,
But first I need to learn a new way to live.
All I really know is everything will change,
Has anyone ever been this conflicted and strange?
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