Call me Couch Potato. I am bald and have eyes that sprout and spots that blot, a leathery tan hide and am rotund like the famous Idaho with starchy insides.
Some time ago I sprouted and the spud in me found myself part of the furniture. I like it here, we conform to each other like a peanut to it's shell.
I have little to no money, but what do I need other than a tv remote and a big gulp diet Coke from Cum & Go? refills free if you buy a dozen donuts!! Looking out over the great outdoors I sometimes think I should take in the sun, but I know potatoes spoil in the sun, that's why we grow underground.
I am a cannibal, I luv potatoes! potatoes that are baked, mashed, steamed, ect.. hash browns are heavenly! but fries are my favorite fancy… heck I'll eat myself raw. Ok that didn't come out right, but you get the gist, potatoes are my staple.
I don't have any friends because couch potatoes don't socialize or mingle, we could never congregate in any one room, all our couches would never fit, so we sit alone and drove for treasures in the cushions!! I once found the arm off my Barbie that I had lost off her when I was 8, Barbie is long gone but I still have the arm! I whittled down the fingers and now use it as a tooth pick it works well when a french fry gets lodged in a molar, it sure has come in HANDY.
Circumambulating my surroundings on any dreary afternoon gives me some twice-baked potato'etic musings, like the time I wrote an acrostic called. Ode to a Fry It goes like this.
Pleased when we meet
On the table of life
Together we're better
Avalanched with ketchup
That makes the salt stick
Oh… fry, how I long to
Eat you!
Well it's time for me to go, the timer on my oven just went off and my twice baked loaded potato with bacon bits baked in is done and is ready and waiting for its sour cream/cheddar cheese topping, YUM!
If you care to know what groups I'm in here they are…
People who luv potatoes, Friends of Fries, The Baked Potato koffee klatch, Mashed Potato Musings, Hash Brown Haikus, Spud Inspired Sonnets and Tuber Triolets.
*Last seen right now
*Member since 1 day ago
*I'm a Piece of Lint poet for -0- comments.
*My mood is, tuberous just like the spud that inspires me
*I am a girl of undetermined age (United States) When I'm not writing, I'm the most boring person on the planet, no really I've won medals for couch sitting, I have the sores to prove it!
*I support the site as a Tin Foil member.
Author notes
acutually I just use the potatoes to hold the salt, I'm really a salt'aholic
A contest entry
- MORE Fake Author Page Profiles and Silly Spoofing done in FUN... not poems by Melodies.
700 points, ended September 11, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Oh, I am almost to cry...
Your amazing talent has traveled on the airways and the vast Online highway and smacked me on the cheek with potato bliss and a delightful kiss!
Your humor is endless and wonderful and I love every line of this wonderful write. 
Your talent is displayed here in the best way... FUN! 
Thank you for coming to my wild party. 
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Of all the cyber poetry sites in all of the world destiny has feted us to meet here couch potato dear, I was moved to microwave a jacket spud after reading of your inspiration and after all that exertion I am replete though covered in perspiration!!!
My favourite part was the Tuber Triolet, my muse is sprouting as I type and maybe I could go with the starchy flow but with one hand I am typing and in the other I'm smoking a pipe!
All deliciously fine fun and you sent me a smile with this one
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I think we are related. I've always felt a certain "bond" between us 
Seperated by sea are you and me
Lots in common...plain to see
You're a spud and so am I
Let us share a crisp french fry
Nice one you silly woman Best of luck in this contest
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Hey Julie, I'll bring the oil! ok that didn't sound right did it? but right now
I'm more of a bedpotato.. we don't have a couch right now because or remodling.. so I spud in bed all day... ok that didn't sound right either.
doc.
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Potato!
His stair a call....you're nuts m'am, or should I say that you have gone completely bananas--no! you've gone completely potatoes...bravo... bravo... potato
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