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Familiar Fit

 

 

I slipped back into you

like a favorite pair

 

Comfortable

familiar

and worn

 

Slid into a threadbare

back pocket a picture

of my foray with designer

 

It never quite fit

 

And you forgave me

the fleeting indulgence

                             

But the weariness

around your eyes

told me you felt

second best

 

I had cheapened you

 

Even though I tried to

reassure that

Diesel and Dolce

were just expensive

imitations

 

you can flirt with

for a while

 

till all the falsities

begin to fray

 

I'd much rather

love in my relaxed

Levi's

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: "Jeans"

(tried to make this a metaphor for relationship too)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 68 of 68

  • rbruce gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done on the prompt and an excellent presentation. I agree with oldBear34 that you left him second best. Great write and enjoyable read.


  • OldBear34
    October 5
    Edit | Reply

    Not Expected

    Somehow I thought you'd rectify having made him feel second class. You never did, alas.

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply
      I know. But I guess I wanted to keep it real.. when something like that has been done.. it takes time to rebuild that doesn't it? I know.. for I've been the one to be made second class over and over again.

      I did state I'd rather "love in my relaxed levis though" Had the poem been longer, time had passed, perhaps he would have realised he was really in first place all along

      Thanks for the comment!
  • Topnotchsy
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. Love the imagery and dual meaning. Congrats on the solver trophy. I can see why this poem has received so many comments, it's really great!!


  • Ravensdark
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    Really quite an interesting appraoch here jacks. I think its unique and very well conveyed. Great use of the prompt for an intriguing metaphor. Well done and congrats on the silver.


  • Fritz O skennick silver member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply

    Tried and surpassed impressively...

    Awesome!!!
    Your use of analogy & metaphor is outstanding...
    Flowed effortlessly & enthralled throughout...
    You've created a clever concept & made it so much more...
    Well done!!!


  • csmmoms2
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    Eyes as soft as an easy chair. I have a jacket it's very comfortable and frayed. We've seen ups and downs and then more downs. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it.


  • Weltt
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    I thought your metaphor here was really quite good and the background worked so well with this. overall the feel here is genuine and earthy, if that makes sense. I loved the way this washed across me. Fabulous!!


  • Valley Girl Greeters member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    I love this hun! Your first stanza "I slipped back into you like a favorite pair Comfortable familiar and worn" Stood out for me, I could actually relate to it very well. The border and the Poem is fantastic! I love how you related different pairs of jeans to a relationship. This is brilliant! Congrats on the Silver! This is definetly Gold worthy in my books!


  • poppa silver member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    "I slipped back into you
    like a favorite pair

    Comfortable
    familiar
    and worn"

    wow... not sure if thats a good thing or a sad thing there... relationship wise is it a good thing to be completely comfortable ??

    like this lots...



  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    Tried to make this metaphorical, there is no question you did that so very well. I doubt you have the ability to cheapen anyone. Your poetry seems very down on yourself. If you need to talk, ya a stranger I know but hey. Even if tinged with self doubt, it is always a pleasure to read your words kiwigirljacks. Best to you and congratulations on your shiny silver.


  • crimsondew silver member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    may you always have your favourite pair of jeans with you

    Beautoful write dear..COngrats on well desrved silver


  • notorious
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    *dances in imaginary Diesel jeans*

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    I love that you didn't say 'like a favorite pair of shoes (or pants as it were)' It wasn't necessary, and this allowed MUCH more depth.

    'slid into threadbare' PERFECT!

    'back pocket a picture
    of my foray with designer'

    Cool

    'It never quite fit'

    CoolER!

    ...

    I can't quote anything else out of that. From 'second best' to 'Levi's' it just read perfectly. I Think this is one of your best, personally. Though you are always good.


  • HeavensDaughter
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you wrote about two things at once. I think you did a great job with it.

    I really like the comfy feelings this evoked when I read it.


  • notorious
    August 25
    Edit | Reply

    Damn,

    that is a farking GORGEOUS background.

  • Amera gold member
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! You took the prompt and really ran with it! I smiled as I was reading this. You described Jeans perfectly without ever saying the word "Jeans". Perfect!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • stavykm gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    Just Brilliant

    This is just brilliant. You captured my attention with every word here. Then at the end their was the contest.
    Me to sis,
    I'd much rather
    love in my relaxed
    Levi's
    Best of luck in the contest, just an excellent poem penned once again. Pure Fun, love that part of poetry.
    Much Love
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


  • Rovingone gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    Only you can make a poem about jeans sound so provocative and sexy. You do have a nack.

    Even though I tried to

    reassure that

    Diesel and Dolce

    were just expensive

    imitations



    you can flirt with

    for a while



    till all the falsities

    begin to fray



    I'd much rather

    love in my relaxed

    Levi's


    That was the perfect descriptive line. I loved this poem.


  • Mystal LaRose
    August 24
    Edit | Reply
    forgot u clappys yay mommy


  • Mystal LaRose
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    this is good mommy keep it up and keep writing talk to u soon... i hope s and 's you little girl

  • Carolina Moon silver member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    You, my friend, can write about anything and make it beautiful. See! ^^^^ up there! You did it again
    Gorgeous write Sis!


  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    yeah

    Comfort, fits so much better doesn't it?
    A great write my friend, and good luck going after another shiny!


  • Allan Emery silver member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    I often think your poetry is just recipes for creamed jeans, is that what this is about? Did I say that outloud? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am what I am. Have some bunnies.


  • runewalker gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    Blue Jean Blues:

    Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top)

    I saw my old blue jeans
    I could tell they were mine
    from the oil and gasoline


  • luna-midnight gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good.
    terrific take on the prompt and good luck
    Stephanie ♥


  • Riamh
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    Terrific! *points to all the other comments* yes, what they said.
    I loved it. Well done.

    Slayer


  • arafura
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    "But the weariness
    around your eyes
    told me you felt
    second best"

    The story of my life... Loved it!


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful metaphor you have created here! It works wonderfully! I agree! Take that outta your AN girl!
    Awesome write.
    All the best with this
    gaylene


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    *yay* it's up! I adore this!...tho still hard to believe your talking about a pair of jeans You've done a wicked job hun as ever! Now lets see if we can sort your BG out once and for all Good luck in the contest


  • Quiet places gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    I like it little Kiwi girl!! You done good my dear. So romantic. Don


  • PrInCeSsOfRoCk
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    i liked it think you got the metaphor right coz didnt know you were actually talking bout jeans till you used the labels.

    good job as per usual and booooo for not being able to put a background up! *protests* haha


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    August 24
    Edit | Reply

    Oooops!:


  • notorious
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    I like this :D

    I think the metaphor for a relationship works here.
    In fact, you might want to remove that from your AN to leave people wondering. Or not.

    "I slipped back into you
    like a favorite pair"
    No! Don't take him back! LoL.
    I think everyone has a favorite pair of jeans that they hate putting in the laundry. I think everybody has a pair of jeans they also hate. I know I do...

    "Comfortable
    familiar
    and worn"
    This isn't how I like to BUY my clothes, but a lot of my clothes are like this.

    "Slid into a threadbare
    back pocket a picture
    of my foray with designer"
    I think 'threadbare' was a good word choice--something so old its flaws are beginning to show...like the cracks of a relationship. 'foray' is another cool one. What's wrong with designer?

    "It never quite fit"
    What a shame, it was bloody expensive! LMAO

    "And you forgave me
    the fleeting indulgence"
    LOVE the word 'indulgence'. I rarely get to use it properly.

    "But the weariness
    around your eyes
    told me you felt
    second best"
    I love the "second best" thing. It relates to jeans, relationships...a lot of shit. Well done.

    "I had cheapened you"
    That would be a burn.

    "Even though I tried to
    reassure that
    Diesel and Dolce
    were just expensive
    imitations"
    I would KILL for some Diesel jeans...hehe, "Diesel & Dolce" rolls off one's tongue VERY nicely...love!!!

    "you can flirt with
    for a while

    till all the falsities
    begin to fray"
    How sad.
    Yes...very poignant. All good things fade. All expensive things become worthless. Oh, this is profound and deep. I like the word 'falsities'.

    "I'd much rather
    love in my relaxed
    Levi's"
    Would you really?
    Levi's (the ones sold in the actual Levi's store, not Zellers) are actually not that bad. They're classic.

    Coolio!!!
    Telleth me when you get the background a-posty-ed up.

    ,
    Jessica


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hey I like the way you did this SIL, great job with the prompt! Feeling better after your sleeps?

  • notorious
    August 24
    Edit | Reply
    I think you meant 'jeans'
1 - 68 of 68