I walked in one night,
And there stood my wife.
She looked at me stern,
While holding a knife!
"You have a nice drink?"
My wife scowled at me.
"I didn't", I said.
She added: "Let's see!
You've beer in your ear!
You've wine on your spine!
You've gin on your chin!"
"But honey, I'm fine!"
"YOU'VE WINE ON YOUR SPINE!
You've some on your tum!
You've scotch on your crotch!
You've rum on your bum!"
"I've rum on my bum?"
"Champagne on your brain!
You've dregs on your legs!"
"Good God, you're insane!"
"To empty the bin,
That's why I went out!
And when I returned,
You started to shout!
I must say, in truth,
I find it quite odd!
Just put the knife down,
And look at YOUR bod!
You've schnapps on your baps!
You've drips on your nips!
You've sangria here!
You've drips on your hips!
You've ale on your nail!
A bit on your clit!
A shot on your bot!
And bits on your tits!"
"How did you do that?"
She stammered to say.
To her, I replied:
"With alcohol play!"
"Of course, I recall!"
She slurred with much grace,
"We had so much fun!
So why the long face?"
I looked with a cringe,
And sipped on my beer,
Then turned to my wife,
And said simply: "dear...
An Aftershock cock,
Is ok, my lass...
But why did you put...
The GLASS UP MY ASS!"
© David J Martin (2008)
Gold trophy winner
Adding your comment:
and i mean that in the best possible way 
....omg....this is sooo funny 
I love the rhyme and I am not a big fan of rhyme but the humour was hilarious, hard not to be swept into this and come out with a straight face. Well done fine poet.
for such a funny poem.I enjoyed it!i had a great laugh today.
