Author Page Profile Spoof !

Welcome one and all dearest Poets. Please allow me to introduce myself, my rhyme and my reason. My ap name is Miss
Ing the beat of the street at my sweet feet, yes it's a long name! This is my alter ego, I am also at ap under my real name but due to only having free versed the universe before as the former me let me explain what occured when I experienced the following epiphany:


I went shopping for shoes ( ooh my other passion in life! ) and experienced " a call of nature" and had no choice but to avail myself of the public toilets. It was in the cubicle, having assumed " the stance" ( similar to a down-hill skier ) and having hung my handbag around my neck so that neither body part nor personal belongings had contact with the public convenience that I noticed what was written in a rather gaudy red lipstick on the door:


THE WORDS THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE WERE:


" Jack and Jill went up the hill
and both did what they did'nae oughta,
Jill forgot her Dutch Cap and the Pill
and got pregnant with a Son and a Daughter,
So, if you too don't want unexpected twins
take the Pill or simply don't do those things!"




I KNEW IMMEDIATELY THAT MY MISSION IN LIFE
MUST, MUST, BE TO SPREAD THE WORDS OF SUCH POETRY!


So, on Mondays I walk up and down outside the Family Planning Clinic ( situated between The Church of the Holy Moly Marc Bolan Believers and The Latter Day Ardvaark Adventurers and open all day except for lunch )  with a megaphone and I recite:

" Don't be like Jill!
Remember to take the Pill!"


I think the attuned ear will note the couplet presentation and its inherent message of intimacy and closeness with the parallel message and I know deep down inside that there is POWER IN PREVENTATIVE POETRY!


On Wednesdays  I stand stoicly outside the local Courthouse
with a placard that proclaims :

" THE WORLD NEEDS LESS CRIME AND MORE RHYME! "

Some of the suggestions leveled at me by those awaiting sentencing are not at all poetic and often physically impossible even if one is limber from playing Twister regularly!


But it is my civil duty to deliver a short, sharp, incentive to be creative rather than commit criminality
and there is POWER IN DELIVERING RHYME WITH REASON!


On Fridays I visit the Nursing Home for Catatonic Catholics, God Bless them, I know miracles may happen as I myself have witnessed one when upon listening to me recite a religious plea, with piety, I saw a facial muscle twitch, please don't dismiss this simply as you were not a witness, here is my rhyme :


" God will surely forgive you for your Sin
And though you can't move a muscle or even grin
Feel the real deal of lyrical poetry,
'Tis not wrong to write in song
So repent, repent and let rhyme in! "




On Sundays when the Grandchildren visit, after afternoon tea I love to share a lullaby which never fails to elicit emotion from them, I am able to see just how moved they are
as they are often speechless and so lost in deep reflection which is wonderful for their tender ages of two and three!
Here is my lullaby:


" Children have no fears, my dears, my dears,
For now you are young and wrinkle-free,
And no, no orange-peel cellulite to see,
But in time you'll decay and need glasses
And oh, blow your noses and don't cry, don't cry,
Face life's lessons head on,
Before you too wither and waste on the vine
You can find comfort with poetry it's divine! "


On every third Saturday in the Month I get dressed up in my brightest and best, slip on my stilleto's and totter down to The Tilbury Working Men's Club ( 85% are actually unemployed but it's kept hush-hush lest Ernie who runs the Committee should find out, he runs a " tight ship" on account of being so close to the docks no doubt.) I digress and back to my train of thought...


After the general frivolities of the evening, the local band trying to play whilst having peanuts and pork scratchings thrown at them, Layby-Lil doing her turn on the stage with a macabre version of a striptease which is not a pretty sight as she is 73, God Bless her, and the throwing around of arms and legs in a parody of a dance that went out of fashion before it came in, then I notice those who have had too much too drink and are wearing that rather lop sided leer and I feel rhyme with reason calling my spirit and physically propelling me towards the stage, my hand has a life of its own as I grab the microphone and from the deepest well of me I declare :

" It may make you feel manly to drink
All that thirst quenching beer
But it's stored inside the liver I hear,
If you could drink only half as much
You would probably live twice as long,
Join in with me and my polite poetic plea,
Put down your pint's and pick up a pen
It's time to drink lemon and lime gentlemen! "


NB I then endure being thrown off stage and out of the club  with a two week ban but I know and they know that like that film star " I'll be back!"  ( As soon as the ban is lifted)


I suffer for my adoration of artistry and feel there is
POWER IN CLIMBING FROM THE PAGE TO THE STAGE!



My muse is a girl who likes to twirl, twirl and twirl,
without a baton or a tom-tom she finds the beat of the street and walks it with a pen in her hand and ooh super shoes on her feet!


I cannot leave the page without mentioning my indigo-inked inspiration, my virtual reality lover " OnlyAGrooveShortOfTheLouvre"  a poet whose rhyme is both sublime and divine, we touch each others souls spiritually and he calls me his Poetic Princess ( which makes me sigh and feel heavenly... ) 



I am a poetic amoeba for 11,111 comments all saying " you have my poetic attention and affection"


I joined ap around tea time after watching Desperate Housewives.


My Motto is " Believe in the Power of Poetry and Pick up a Pen again and again! "



My hobbies are, unfortunately, on hold, for poetry has taken over my life but life is as beautiful as a Sonnet if you really, truly, want it...


Finally, a plea for a cause close to my heart shaped heart,
if you believe Frogs don't deserve to croak-it then please place  a  picture of  any frog  with a HAPPY expression on its face on your page