I was at the end of my line
top of the hill ready to go
you grabbed me by the hand
and held me close
told me that i was needed
told me that i was wanted
told me not to listen
that i mattered
you had done it before
you know were i came from
yet you still had a happy face with a golden out look
although you can be cruel
i understand why
and i know that you never mean it
you are most important in my life
i hope you know
that i will never leave you alone
A contest entry
- Character Profile [1] by his chardonnay.
525 points, ended September 2, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like the bluntness. This was really well done. Some things blunt don't work- I think this does.
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thank u !
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This is a bit too blunt for my taste. The bright side is that this is full of emotion. You can feel the bitterness in some spots and then the love. What could make this more powerful is more imagery.
"you still had a happy face with a golden out look"
The golden out look part was a good idea imagery-wise.
That was my favorite part.
I also liked the first two lines- with the hill.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
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i would have 2 agree with it being 2 blunt i see what you mean and thank you 4 commenting
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