Somethings different
It's as if now, that I've accepted it
it doesn't hurt so much,
and now that we're talking
and I know that you love me,
I can laugh again
But I'm still alone
and I still miss you
but I don't yearn as often
and I'm used to not hearing from you
for weeks at a time
I've always heard that things change
and that it's a part of life
My life has spun in so many different directions
that I can't tell where I'm facing anymore
only that I'm not a clone,
not a mannequin,
just a survivor
And I struggle internally
Somedays, I feel as if I'll make it,
others, I feel as if I'll fail
Sometimes, I make up my mind to
push people away
Other times, I feel like its for the best
and I want them close to me
because I'm afraid of losing that affection
I'm one of those secrets you let out
and stowe away in a box
YOu take the key and you make me swallow it
or you throw it away where no one can see
But still, I am afraid in the very least
and everything I've done in the past few months,
I've done alone
I'm learning to cut him out more
Not the love of my life,
my sorrowful affection
But my best friend,
the one whose always sheltered me
the one whose always loved me
and defended me
He tells me he'll always do so
but I know things change
And I'll have to thank him for our
beginnings and our end when the time comes
Years will drag on and we won't talk
and I'll miss him
I think then, I can be alone
and just let myself wither away
if I'm not with my dearest by then
even still, I'll be partly empty
from the fact that the space he occupied
will be vacated
Things make sense
things don't matter
people do, and they leave
people grow, and change
they move on and leave you behind
I'm okay
for the most part
I am balanced
even though,
I'm uncertain of what is to be
I know what I want to wish for
I've wished on it every night
I've prayed for it everytime I cry
and it isn't death
It's just a life
the life I want to live
the one that takes time.
Eventually I'll make it,
I just have to.
Author notes
Giving in to what has got me
Feeling claustrophobic, scarred
Severed me from all emotion
Life is just too fucking hard
Snap! Your face was all it took
Cuz this need ain't doin' me no good
Fall on my face, but can't you see?
This fucking life is killing me!
Tearing me / Inside
Too far gone, I'm catatonic
Leaving you to criticize
Empty shell and running naked
All alone... lobotomized
Back and forth between my hang-ups
It isn't easy to be hated
Where do ya go? Whaddya do?
Simpleton, impromptu, crazy eight
I never cared, not once
Gotta get away!
Tearing me / Inside
I wasn't promised a thing
You keep mocking me
But you will never again
Before you know - after you're gone
Gone
I love him. But it just isn't enough
In a list
Comments
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Wow, the emotion really jumps out of the screen when reading this: and claws at your shivering heart when reading every syllable.Well done and good luck!
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TY :]
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Aw sweetie, this is sad and I can feel the pain. I can relate to a lot of things you've written in here and a lot of the ways you describe yourself.
Things will be okies someday and hopefully we'll both get the life we wish for.
I can see yours coming true and I know you'll make it.
I love you sweetie.
♥
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and i can see YOURS coming true as well.
yeah,one day WE will both make it and everything will be okay :]
things just take time.
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