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After The Preacher Made A Pass

His mouth opens
closes

I am reminded of a fish

 

I take his words
that push away from teeth
and tongue

slow slimy syllables
that drop
like shit into my hands

I nod, yes, yes

you sonofabitch

 

his eyes bulge

in apology,

but he is a fish again

a gray fat carp
full of river sludge

there is nothing he says
that will ever

 

touch my soul. 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 36 of 36
  • Patpowersnoshoepoet gold member
    September 14
    Edit | Reply

    Great work!

    Touching work of poetry here Dalaney. I am becoming your newest fan! THANKS!!!!


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    "a gray fat carp
    full of river sludge

    there is nothing he says
    that will ever

    touch my soul."
    That part, along with the entire thing, was really amazing (including the title). it was a punch in the gut and I enjoyed every minute of it Your alliteration was subtle but noticeable enough to be liked and appreciated. Short but powerful. Thanks so much for entering
    Jeanette*~


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 2
      Edit | Reply
      I really do appreciate your comment, Jeanette Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem. Love, Lane

  • nevadapoet
    September 2
    Edit | Reply
    Poweerful write...great metaphor...a beautiful slap in his face.
    Nevadapoet


  • xMissHollie
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    The comparison of this man to the fish is wonderful...I love your language use.
    I wish I could write as well as you!

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 2
      Edit | Reply
      i'm going to check out your work....
      i believe we all have our own voices, our own styles of writing,
      but thank you so very much for complimenting mine. Love, Lane

  • Swan song gold member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    You add a whole new meaning to the word Fish Face lol
    This was awesome lol Loved it Reminds me of an assistant pastor that ran off with another man's wife one day when i was going to the local babtist church
    he sort of had that look when the precher called him
    in fron of the congregation and made him profess his little doings.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    This one touches to my heart like a knife, different circumstances but if I read correctly same outcome. The darkness truly lifts even with a tonne of apologies waying you down, they just aren't enough. Anyhow that's what I took from the poem lol. Best to you in the contest


  • sailor ptolema
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    I don't find this funny either. And, I must echo Mairi's words. I think she really makes a solid point about some of these other ...extraneous..comments. This is a really horrifying moment for a child that you share with us. Your description of the preacher as a carp is perfect, I think. They're ugly, bottom-feeders-just like that man's actions-and I love that you bring the readers into your thoughts as a child, when this happened.

    Just plain brilliant. .

    Meg~

    .


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply

    Fine poem

    American poet Kay Ryan told me she thought of her emotions as cookie dough. Hard to work with when hot. Need to chill 'em first.
    This poem reminds me.
    Cool craftsmanship here.
    Your use of the fish to depict him and describe an experience so intense you depersonalized it, dehumanized it is masterful.
    Did I mention that I like this poem a lot?


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much, Tom, for reading and yes, understanding. Love, Lane

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    k-c I was going to criticise something about this poem, but instead I went back and read it again. It is, as they all say, extraordinarily written, and I love it.

    But.... I am going to go minority report on the people below, who can't seem to get their heads out of the idea (or the idea out of their heads) that this is somehow a GENERAL moral poem. It isn't. It expresses a reaction to a particular situation, and it does so like a javelin striking home.

    The guy is just a guy who made a fucking stupid move. Maybe it was the only one. Maybe he was a creep who made hundreds. In a way, it doesn't matter. What matters is you, and what you are expressing, and the way you are expressing it, and NOT everyone else's moral outrage at the incident. Poetry is NOT group therapy, and you are NOT seeking validation.

    You are getting bunnies.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    It's all been said in previous comments, but I'll add that reading this bought back memories I'd rather forget.

    Love
    Sue


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply
      ....everyone has a story, don't they? Thank you for coming by, my friend. Love, Lane

  • Allan Emery silver member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is sickeningly sad. I, for one, do not see anything funny at all in this. It is distressingly sad when the people who we look to for guidance lead us down the path to ruin. Even I would never do that and I am PerVirutous. Have three attack bunnies who specialize in castrating clergymen.


  • tara wilson gold member
    August 26
    Edit | Reply


  • malmadre gold member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Preachers are some of the worst messed up people in the world, I prefer to stay away from any and all of them. I can just see the man you describe, I had a family member make a move at me when I was fourteen..a young girl never forgets those kinds of slimeballs. They should all be castrated.


  • IronMaiden1236
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    (bows) Perfection

    slow slimy syllables..Jesus!!!
    a gray fat carp...genius....I am running out of wor....ds!!!


  • Joan-of-Arc
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    . I agree with cricketjeff. This is just an astoundingly well written observation.

    -joan.

    .


  • paulcreates silver member
    August 26
    Edit | Reply
    Aw...that's too bad.

  • breedluv silver member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    OMG Laney. There really are creeps in this world, and unfortunately, the profession tends to attract creeps. What a scathing poem.....I'm very proud of you!


  • arafura
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    "a gray fat carp
    full of river sludge"

    A great description of that sort of pompous hypocrite. He would have met far more than his match.


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for reading and for the comment - Love, Lane

  • notorious gold member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply

    Oh my holy Satan,

    that is so BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Your title cracks me up...
    Well, the whole thing does.

    "His mouth opens
    closes

    I am reminded of a fish"
    Yuck. I LOVE your comparisons...your choice of words...you never patronize me. & plus, by using "basic" language...well, you make it a lot deeper than it would be if you used fancy words.
    Me loves.

    "I take his words
    that push away from teeth
    and tongue"
    I like 'take' for words... Like you're grabbing his tonsils out.

    "slow slimy syllables
    that drop
    like shit into my hands"
    OH MY GOD, LOVE your simile! The word 'shit' is brilliant. Why the hell is it vulgar, if it's only referring to poo-poo ka-ka? Honestly.
    "slow slimy syllables" is the most fun piece of alliteration I have seen for a while.

    "I nod, yes, yes
    you sonofabitch"
    Bastard! LMAO
    I love how 'sonofabitch' isn't separated at all. Like you're saying it all in one breath.

    "his eyes bulge
    in apology,
    but he is a fish again
    a gray fat carp
    full of river sludge
    there is nothing he says
    that will ever

    touch my soul."
    Can I say...that fish analogy is ROCKING MY FACE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the scathing tone, the "bulge/in apology"..."river sludge" is a nice way of saying "You're full of shit" & that ending is so kick-ass.

    I will be bookmarking this every time I feel Satanic...LoL

    This was SUCH fun to read. I loved it.

    Jessica


  • PoesyPeruser
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    aaaahhh...

    So very descriptive, "like shit into my hands" says it all!

    Poesy


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Poesy ... I appreciate your coming by and reading. Love, Lane

  • Tennessee-Joe
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    27 Stars and an AMEN

    Just fricken awesome.
    Joe

  • luvdrkchocolate
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That's a really strong and provacative title you have. I could already tell that it wasn't going to go well even before I'd read the actual poem. It's terrible that people actually think it's ok to abuse their special position. It makes me really mad.


  • Grunts Girl
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    this was raw and real...
    i find it interesting we go to weird places in times of remembering horrible moments...
    i remember backpacking in baja mexico and was picked up by some folks in a camper.
    we were driving along--- a motorcycle came flying by and wiped out infront of us.... he was marshmallows inside his suit and his he was a mess.
    we loaded him into the camper using the table as a backboard and i was alone in the back (it was one of those tow types) i remember his seizures and blood and feeling bones loose inside his suit and i began to sing childrens songs...
    i remember making his body look like different things that weren't so bad so i could stomach it all

    it is how we survive
    i think sometimes it is instinct to just create like that for the sake of ones mind
    i find and found it facinating everytime i think about where i went and what i did-

    i see that survial in this write as well


  • markgrif gold member
    August 26
    Edit | Reply
    Funny description. Me likey much.


  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    August 26
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    damn ... you have even made me speechless, to you, need i say more???


  • cricketjeff gold member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply


    You are easily the most acute observer of people I have ever met.
    slow slimy syllables
    what a delicious sound
    and so perfectly descriptive.

  • mcfreeman
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    LOL....

1 - 36 of 36