I used to always write about anything outside of the norm,
strove for the strange, enlightened deranged intellect outside the world of structured society,
the ever enforced, repeated rhetoric of political normalcy.
Even still, 26 years after creating a pseudonym and penning a verse,
I'm jotting down my little pieces of insanity as they present themselves to me.
My constitution has changed now,
and I can barely digest daily life.
I work 8:30 to 5:00 almost every weekday,
to keep my family prosperous,
or at least in the game,
I put on the corn flower blue shirt with much disgust,
my punk rock self screaming out to me,
"Hey dude, what the fuck?"
But I do it all the same.
But I'm asking myself if this is really the way.
Do I keep suffocating myself,
and drinking to let it flow through me?
Shouldn't I do something?
All of this harnessed creativity....
reveals the cowardice in me,
as surely as it reveals the soul beneath the every day struggle of practicality.
And yeah...I'm not interested in dying,
but yeah...I just want to let go of everything.
What keeps me teathered?
My lovely wife who sometimes hates me.
My beautiful daughter,
who's a hassle,
and has brought more chaos into our lives than can ever be replaced.
I imagined myself shaping metal and wood,
blowing glass,
making a life outside the norm.
But yeah...back to me being a coward.
I'm afraid that if I take that plunge there simply won't be anything.
Just the alcoholism, unaffordable cigarettes...
and me bereft and forlorn,
all depressed and alone.
Old bones suffering.
Talking to fellow addicts and losers about what I used to have and who I used to be.
About the beauty of the wife and daughter I haven't seen for a year now...
My desires engulf me, my talent has washed away...
just a zombie slave to the man...
sucking off...
and appreciative of every morsel.
Still barely scratching at the walls which I have fought so long to escape.
I should listen to fate, but as always I am so uncertain,
what it's screaming to me,
even now.
No questions.
Comments
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Wonderful poem ...
about the very harsh price one has to pay by not rocking the boat.
Now Poet. There are many wondrous ways to do what you want to do. Here you write this poem completely in your own voice. When you look at life, it is through your own eyes ... And yes. Be good to yourself and try to see the world through the eyes of your wife, your daughter, your boss, or your fan Myra.
Maybe you should write my mind ... what about starting at having computer problems all of the time, and being told you are the stupid one, and in the end being the ONLY one who can fix it, because all forgot the password to the modem but not you? Is that a technical problem or a recollecting problem? Hmmmm?
Ha.
Yes.
Try to think like I do.
I really try to think like you ...
Myra
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The computer is working fine. The user is working fine. But the interactions between the two simply don't go over well. My wife has this same issue. I've given her computers that have served me infallibly over a couple of years, and have got some of the parts back, still working as well for me.
She's not trying to do anything exotic or strange with the computer, and she's actually pretty computer savvy...but she just runs into inexplicable difficulties. She's cycled through a number of motherboards, power suplies, CPU's, memory modules, and hard drives...but she still has difficulties with her home computer.
I think she blamed me for awhile, since I'm this computer guru who promised to fix all of her computer woes. (I was certain I could.)
But even today, a hard drive fails on her PC, I hook it up to mine, and it works without fail.
I can not explain why.
She runs MS-Office, and checks her email.
Still, you will always get that it's your fault...because all computers work as they should. (Stupid techies.)
Sometimes we don't know why computers don't work as they're designed. It's no where near as simple as your stereo system or your TV. The common strategy is to blame the user. It's actually most often not off base. But many techs resort to it too often. Me I'm a network engineer. So I have to actually figure out what the user is doing wrong if anything, and correct the behavior on a more massive scale. Or alternatively...figure out what feature or incompatibility is the problem. It's difficult to imagine how complicated and time consuming this is to do sometimes.
The simplicity of the problem is quite often not on par with the complicated solution. And even more often...vice-versa.
A user has a computer. They can download things which cause compatibility issues. (e.g. goodle toolbar with IE7.) Ususally the computer is working as it is designed to do, but the user doesn't understand the subtle aspects of that functionality. All they know is the computer is supposed to be there to serve them, and they're spending an awful lot of time serving the computer.
This is the result of giving everyone computers. It's like giving someone a 40 band equalizer when they only need a volume control to do their job. But extrapolated to the value of n.
Unfortunately for someone who knows what they're about and can help them out, (like myself) it can cost 120.00-150.00 an hour.
Feel free to ask me about computer problems. You have my hotmail address and I will answer your questions for free, and likely make some aspect of you life better.
I think I get your take on life as well. If I had less anger, and a more balanced viewpoint, I would probably agree more often. I'm happy to carry around my anger until I get it resolved though. Better it happens sooner than later. But I'm aware it's not something I can simply let go of. -
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You know, I agree with all you say ... almost all ...
but let me tell you this: I fixed a major problem by simple typed in the correct password ... and suddenly all connections worked wonderfully! Case sensitivity is my forte. I do it all the time in social work.
Now to get the gremlin who changes the passwords ... THAT is another story ...
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The answer is always simple once you know it. The difficulty is in divining the problem, and coming to that answer.
Well usually. I'm coming to the uncanny notion though that my wife in jinxed...or perhaps somehow unusually electromagnetic.
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