we are big boats
thundering west
thirsty for sunrise
to see what we've become
up above, she said,
I thought,
what a strange
creature
each talking gesture
steals my self, strips
away my desire for identity
I want, I want more of myself
When I have enough I'll
destructively share, let you
into my identity & confuse
myself with yourself again
breaking & joining - the paths of
all twos, fours, this family van
of blooming and loss
Did you follow it?
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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dunno
i dunno what to make of it, i think im missing somethign key but the mor ei look th emore I feel like im missing it. Id like to know what its about though. you kevin or anyone that knows plz msg -
i like how you just capitalized the one word, "When". it makes me think that the first part ended and it began a whole new era of...something. i don't know. interesting though.
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100th Hood-wink
As a member of The Poetic Bandits who are "hood-winking" you this week, I'd first of all like to say thank you for all the time and work you are putting into AllPoetry!
Great to see that on top all the work you do you still have time to be creative!
You have some really interesting imagery in this, and it gives the reader the chance to ponder on this poem - on its meaning... I like that.
Thanks for sharing!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Thanks!
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100th Hoodwink
I liked the opoem with its imagery but I got lost in the translation. I got the part about the boats then it went downhill from there.
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Hmm, it uses metaphors of being underwater to descirbe how you can lose who you are in a philosophical conversation, as it ends up challenging all that you believe in, and changes you...
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HOODWINK
Great write and imagery.
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HOODWINKED!
A really cool poem, and many thanks to you oh Kahuna for creating such a grand site for us all to be inspired in our writing!
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100th HOOD WINK
This is your special day. Enjoy your day in the spotlight. We have HOODWINKED for 100 days,so this is very special. Thanks for all your efforts on this site and for continuing to write poetry as well.
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how fun to be included, thank you!
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(Hoodwinked!)
The fourth stanza seems to stand out!
When I have enough I'll
destructively share, let you
into my identity & confuse
myself with yourself again.
That thought is clear and insightful and speak volumes of understanding!
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Intriguing and captivating piece of poetry!
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Hood Wink!
I rather liked the second last stanza; the unique flow and imagery captured my imagination from beginning to end.
Nice to read the poetry of our founder here at AP
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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You Have Arrived
You are in California
All the way west
And you see what you've become
A smashing success
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I love the depth, the flow, the power. Its relateable with me
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Very nice. Forgive me if I don't explain exactly what I like about it, merely rest assured that I do. Quite a bit. I like it. Bully for you for writing it.
Anyway, a tentative and cringing observation: you capitalized one word. If you are going to capitalize--all stated generally and exceptions quite common--please, please do it consistently? I don't mind complete lack of it, I'm all for ultra-grammatical, but it's nice if it's either there, not there, or understandably there. Sorry.
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love the flow if it, and the trance state i fell into while reading. wonderful job
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I like this. I love boats and I thought you used it well as a metaphor. "Family van" at the end was a nice counterpoint. I'm not sure what "all twos, fours" means but it is interesting.
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I liked the first stanza after that it became a little ambiguous for my eye. An enjoyable read however and well penned. Happy trails
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Ah, not quite but a delightful read. I absolutely love the first verse. This poem reminds me of a dream i had recently, especially the first eight lines. My interpretation of this is seeing two people hoplessly going their own ways, yet trying to follow the same path. One sure, the other not. I like this poem and how it allows one to see what they want. Don't really know your meaning, but it is an excellent read and i can't see anything that needs changing or correcting.
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Wow, what a great poem.
I loved reading it.
It feels like im there.
Its such a descriptive poem...
Keep up the good work -
Great job Kevin!
Feels like I am on a trip as I read this. Nice descriptive work Kevin. Thanks for presenting this poem for us to enjoy!
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Yes, I love the first stanza the best. It gives a succint mission of what we are as a society and points to our self-awareness. It could also mean something provincial such as actually moving westward to the sands.
Observations:
The second stanza is alright except that since it is a little dialogue, it needs to be roped in by either quotation marks or italics ( the latter, were it mine).
Third stanza is good, but the use of the 'self' whether possessive in the first instance or as
pronoun in the second time, gets a diluted rap.
I would use it one of two times and say it differently
some other way. eg;, as for me, I want more (did you intend to illustrate the pathos of 'want' by using it twice?)
I like the last one. It sums the collectiveness of 'us'.
Interesting.
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Lovely trip out west...!
Trip out west and trip out in mind and spirt in and out of unison depending on mind state with each oassing moment and perhaps dropping kids off at school on the way! Sounds like a 'Magickal Mystery Tour' ... Beatles .. eat your heart out on this one!
Lovely flow, meter and rhyme, and the essence is thought provoking amidst cleverly and strategically places poetic graphics woven well into the sculpting and with lots of thought and study of the journey you so elquently pen here.
Love it, bravo Kevin write on! Well done! Poet Laureate for sure and in print too I hope!
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions for the trip out west...and more!
Kaz.
Kazytc XX
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Decomposition ...
is a good thing in poetry. For the evasive mists carry the myth.
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i like this one i thought it reminded me of love when two lovers come and they have a fight the break and then when they get over it they confuse them self in love again.. i think its funny how it works some times
great write
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Yes, I did follow this piece.
However, there is just one line that really bugs me and takes away some of the meaning of the poem.
In line 11 the repeat of "I want" seems overdone. I believe that it should only be one "I want". People can see that and start thinking of other things. I know that you're trying to keep the flow going and make a strong statement but just having one "I want" will do.
If you want to show more character to it you could always use the Italics or underline or even use bold.
The very last thing is that some people might think that you're trying to write in dirty pretty with replacing the word and with this "&".
What really jumped out at me the most with this poem is at the very beginning. The boat helped place a clear picture in my mind and then let my thoughts wonder off to the end of the piece.
Without loss we sometimes wouldn't take the time to see the bigger picture.
Kari
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Hallo Kevin ...
you should categorize your poems ...
and list them. Do you know the options? 
AND: you should rate comments. Well, you made the rules. 
Now: this poem to me reflected on mirroring the self in the alter ego; like a display of ebb and flow, breaking and joining is a way to progress in endless cycles.
Seasonal, the soul blooms its possible losses.
Blessings, Poet.
Myra
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Great
The stars have gone out
It's just we don't know it yet
They have become you!
Wesley Storer
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Feels like a struggle with codependence to me, but perhaps I am projecting.
I like the finding self and then losing it again willingly, though, I think that is what it has to be
construct and deconstruct
and that ties in really nicely with your first stanza.
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An intelligent well versed pondering of the ties that bind.
You maybe too young to of heard or remember George Harrison's song ,"She Said". But this piece reminded me of it's message somewhat. I'm positive on your eluding to the self must survive in society. Wouldn't this world be a dull place if we all of the same mindless inclinations,were to follow willingly.A distinctive idea and shows powerful intellect. Shared connecting is a wonderful thing and a must for us too. But who wants associations/relationships with sheep. Except other sheep. Excuse me,I digress. Sorry Kevin if I've somehow mistook the intended message evolving in the depths of this.Just my interpratations.
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always so good to see you have new poetry up. don't know if i follow it, but maybe i'm really not the right person to ask. loved every word tho. do take care
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large feet stepping towards the warmer lands of hope and inspiration,, sounds like you been poking around in my head,, I think I understood it, but we're not sure.
Always good to see something worth pondering over Kevin. seems to me like your getting the site just the way you want it, and can now see a way of spending more time with us all, sharing those inner thoughts.. well done.
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