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owls




 

 


i.

wet flour stuck to the insides of measuring cups.
her hair was three different colors and she had a smokers voice. raspy and low.

ashes from her ciggarette fell onto her wooden table, leaving a small smudge.

i never knew what her name was, but she baked. chocolate cakes with strawberry preserves was her specialty.

at least that's what i heard.

a small white phone was being held to her ear by her shoulder. she nodded every once and a while, acting like whoever she was talking to was right in front of her.

'don't worrry' she coughed, pouring a little to much sugar into her cake mix.

ii.

light spilled from a small lamp on your front porch, illuminating the snow on your lawn.

i started talking to snowmen and reindeer.

i told them how your eyes were such a wonderful shade of blue. like the flotsam and jetsam of the atlantic rested in them.
and i told them of lost ideas on milk cartons and soap box speeches of owls and string.

we drew angel wings on our fingers and lapsed into silence.

iii.

my mouth tasted like copper.

thanks for spitting in my face.

 

 

 




 

Author notes


we could spot the north star.

the air was sticky with the scent of summer and the grass was wet under our bare feet.
the lights were on inside your house, casting a warm glow over us.

a shiver was sent up my spine.

i couldn't wait for christmas.

-----
this isn't good.
this is the only thing i could come up with for your contest.

 

and in the first part,

the woman baking cakes,

is like another side of me.

the one who wants to smoke so she can ruin her lungs.

the one who cares for other people more than herself.


it's cliche,
but i was listening to this while writing it;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF84pIhP5UM

things haven't been going so good.

-----

can't wait for christmas morning actually.
that's when my relatives come. and i join my dad when he drives them home.

and that's when i'll start to think that last christmas eve,
i was telling you that you

saved my life.

---

paybacks a bitch.

A contest entry

we both planned to have french doors and a balcony

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • apples fell
    August 30

    Edit | Reply

    That ending actually left a bruise on me...One that will surface tomorrow, when I least expect it. I have always loved with your writing how you can take a series of moments and tie them together in a seamless fashion and at the same time, you are able to create internal metaphors almost with the most simplistic happenings. "i started talking to snowmen and reindeer." - For instance, this line right here would not work in most prose/poetry...But where you have chosen to apply it and how, makes that image feel so much more effective. I know things for you aren't good right now and I am deeply sorry to hear that, though sorry I know generally means nothing...I do hope you know that I am thinking of you and hope your chin lifts eventually. You've been down for awhile and I know this...Life is a disturbing place and sometimes it bites us in the ass way too often. I don't understand why you think this isn't good though...On the contrary, I thought it was filled with very real and very personal moments and I think that adds depth to the piece, as well as conviction. Also, a great beginning. You are such a strong write and are able to go places with the most common material. Not many people could make baking powerful and somehow sad. I thought this was a fantastic showing from you. No critiques. Seriously.

    Thanks so much for entering and good luck.

    ;


    • Space Invaders
      August 31

      Edit | Reply
      awe, thanks so much.

      i don't believe that my chin will be lifted any time soon. things have been going downhill way to fast.

      i'm glad to know that nothing is wrong with this. i started it the day i got your invite.

      i just finished it last night.

      i'm just happy to know that a couple people think about me.

      your comment brightened my day.
      c: thanks.

      • apples fell
        August 31
        Edit | Reply

        Well...I hope in time. Maybe not now, but I will hope for the best, regardless. No, there is seriously nothing wrong with this piece and I am honored that you would have been working on this since I sent the invite...I never thought someone would think that hard into entering my contest. That alone is a big plus in my eyes. I'm glad it made you happy...I might not be able to make you feel completely better, but a moments relief is one worth striving for.

        You're welcome.


  • seraphim shock silver member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    wow.


    this is good, and it's sad.

    so guess what?
    today was gonna be our one year anniversary.

    i'm a wreck.


  • scenario five
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    this was actually amazing, mono!
    and I'm super glad that you wrote the rest of the "owls on string part"

    that was actually my favorite part. It was amazing.
    it was wonderful. loved it.

    staygold.
    -jenn

1 - 6 of 6