all September days are sinful smiles
wry on the wily edge of summer
the irony of sunfall with rainshowers
and the pattern of tattered park-leaves
see the rainbowed flow of oil and water
incongruous against the greyed pavement
it is the blood of the dying cityscape
or wine poured into its bitter gashes
at such times you and I should go loping
deer-straight over star-pricked brambles
naked though the mists and nights
to crick our necks in aimless sky-gazing
or stand clasping hands by the overburdened
old-men-of-the-orchard deep in fruit
one short and shy and circumspect peek
at the ripening sharpness in your eyes
and I remember why I am a latter Eve
the salience that I fell because of you
is it all-in-all a false and feckless Eden
and fields ill-sundered from the thoroughfare
or are gust-scattered papers on the streets
no worse a thing than the flailed beech-blades
look starwards for the Alpha-Aurigids
keeping your fingers hot around my hand
for you are a charm on an autumn backdrop
against the wryness and the month's wiles
the fickle days' dying dog-hours
and the fleeting moments of ripeness
A contest entry
- I left my poem’s window open and all the adjectives escaped. by Thomas Scott.
3500 points, ended September 15, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Wonderful poetry as always. I am so pleased to see a shiny trophy on this gem. I am always so very taken with your verse and use is it always to try to lift myself to that higher level of verse. Impressive and superb! Congratulations on your trophy. ~Pamela
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Thanks, Pam.
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Maybe it's because I'm reading this from the wily edge of my own summer that I keep forgetting I'm supposed to be applying some left brain to the process. I love the sound of this. Reminds me of a mouthful of Dylan Thomas. Fine wordsmithing, fresh imagery, compelling opening lines, the piece has a lot going for it.
Thanks for entering it in the contest, Mairi Bheag. Much appreciated.
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I am glad you enjoyed it.
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This is a beautiful write - the autumn years view of love and life with that seam of biblical spirituality echoing through it. I particularly like
or stand clasping hands by the overburdened
old-men-of-the-orchard deep in fruit
I don't always comment on your poems, but I am always inspired.
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I am glad that you stopped by to comment. I must get around to reciprocating on everyone's comments soon.
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sometimes a great idea...sometimes a great sounding idea...once in a while both, such happy coincidence here, September when summer leaves us and another season when life blosssoms turns away from the Sun... i really like this one...'skid
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A beautiful escape into a poetic Eden, strange, I too see the beauty of oil on water, as lovely as the nacreous shells of sea creatures. This is really nice! and reminds me of Thomas' keen observance of life in general.
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Ohhhh, so THIS is what poetry looks like.
Well written, enjoyable to read.
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"Ohhhh, so THIS is what poetry looks like" - That is as big a compliment as I have ever received! Thank you.
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Ah, this is lush and lovely, as free-flowing as a clear stream.
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Thank you for that kind comment.
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Articulate and intelligent poetry--a definite pleasure to read.
Best of luck in the contest,
Bill
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Thanks, Bill.
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My word! That is one mighty poem you have there! Really terrific. I tip me hat to you!
Slán
Slayer
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Thank you for my first-ever "mighty".
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i tap my heart with my right hand and point to you with my left...no words. you are my shining star, and this is the most lovely poem...Love to you, Lane
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Honestly, I sit and look at it, and I wonder who I'm kidding.
You are too damn kind with your praise, kc. Please don't stop.
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I caught these three making a dash for freedom!
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Which one's "Big X"?
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I need a cold shower and a beer!!!
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I know what you mean! Beer's in the fridge, and the bathroom's that way!
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did you feel the urge to rhyme this while writing? some parts feel metered
truly great writing
Aj~
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Actually no. I just had a few phrases come to me, and an idea or two, and wrote it more-or-less as it came. I'm glad you liked it.
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This is glorious lush writing, enough to make any reader sigh, Great stuff
NB^3 -
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Thank you very much, Jeff.
Is that "Not Bad to the third power"? -
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it is indeed
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