I fell in love with a man
who played chess
with the neighbor's cat
a man with one good suit
and a pair of shoes -
black Keds with red shoestrings
double-knotted.
He impaled my heart
with love notes thumb-tac'd
to the headboard while I slept -
notes that read:
"I just kissed your big toe!"
and
"You have 146 eyelashes."
When rain washed the sun away
he emulated a tragic Poe,
claimed his soul
was broken to the bone
as he wrote by the window
he said words were black birds
that scratched the face
of a milk white moon -
I wonder now,
seven Septembers since then,
what ever happened to the poetry
he wrote for me
I have only one and it begins:
"I fell in love with a woman
who cheats at chess..."
Author notes
Prompt: The Sun
In a list
- Other Poets-Imagery Defined • next in list
- Sips of Inspiration • next in list
- Pink • next in list
- Something I like • next in list
A contest entry
- -Bohemian Rhapsody- by sailor ptolema.
1100 points, ended October 9, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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I cheat too.
Shh.
Lane. You are so gifted, I just don't know how I won't be able to go and read all your word now. Trust me, all of it.
I knew this guy. His name was Wayne, and for about five minutes there was this deep and abiding, childlike love.
He didn't write poetry, but music.
I wished I'd saved a few. Septembers have never been the same since he left my life. Thanks for bringing his memory and that moon-sick love back for a few minutes,
Oh yeah, and since it's not ALL about me, congratulations on your shiny, how could this not win?
Beautiful Lane, just like you.
love,
jin
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Congrats!!!
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This is just wonderfully fantastic... and it made me giggle quite a bit, in a somewhat melancholy way. (huh. I haven't used that word, melancholy, since high school....)
I'm glad to have been bested by such a fantastic poem.
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I should have had money on this one!
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oh this is a jewel for the bookmarked page.
Damn Lane, I love this story...
you are such a story teller...I wish I had your talent.
♥Becky♥
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oh now, this is the kind of love i can believe in. a quirky love - that's what it makes me think of. and yet, in all it's sweetness, there is still some underlying sadness.
i love plain loved, loved it.
thanks so much for entering.
pt
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Bohemian indeed! This is especially alluring as this
subject has been a recent conversation with my very
young daughter. Very lovely in all the imagery, in all the feeling that so few words expose. Blue
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You consistently amaze me
I read your poem to my local "Trapped Truth Society" Poets group about waiting for the repairman and sweating out August...
It has been 60 every morn this week and I am happy -
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:)
Ooooh, how I envy your cool mornings! Thank you so much for reading my poem to your group...I am very flattered. Sorry it has taken so long to respond, but it has been a hectic few days. See you soon. Lane
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so good it has to be read twice. every time
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To me this is a good write that you conveyed here Delaney! It had me thinking for a moment! This is one ofyour best! THANKS!!
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an awesome write...I'm still thinking...what does it mean "I fell in love with a woman who cheats at chess"? I guess thats what poetry is about huh? This will be the question of the day...I will return later to see if I can answer my own question.
Nevadapoet
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Just another masterpiece in the bow of a genius, to know such feelings would be divine. You amaze, as always words fail me. Best to you in the contest
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And it is said that "cheaters never profit", NOT TRUE! LOL The imagery written here is stunning. I love the reference to Poe, and the "blackbirds". A wonderfully lyrical work of poetry. The best to you in the contest.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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The love notes in this poem stole me away! The ending was both sad and humorous! Loved it! Pam
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tragic poe. the black birds of september are rising now, but i'm certain they will not be able to blot your sun. i may be the only comentator to go here, but i want to know how the poem ends. or does it? good work as always. -s
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I like how this poem goes around in full circle, and the descriptions are great. It has a playful feel that makes this a very fun and interesting read. Beautiful!
-Garrett
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The third to last stanza's imagery...that last section...spiced honey on my tongue
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Beautiful. Very well done.
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This is beautiful. I have nothing more to say.
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Joe -
Pawn takes knight...undone by a peasant girl nipper
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What else do you cheat at? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Isn't it wonderful to be able to wake up in the morning, look out the window and say, "I don't have a clue!" I feel sorry for the people who know everything and, therefore, how everything is supposed to be. What do they have to look forward to? I know so little that every day I get to learn something new. I shall not blink should we play chess.
You are truly blessed to have such memories. I feel truly blessed that you share them.
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I have a new favorite poem; guess who wrote it.
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And the walrus and the pussy cat walked down by the sea...
'Til sound corrupts your soul and colors dance like rain across your skin may this man hold you in dreams. " It is better to cheat at chess than solitare, no matter how many scandles are created."
Love, Tom B.
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Where in god's little green acre do you come up with this stuff!?!?! Your mind and heart fascinates me Lanie . . . you done got poetry springing up like the flowers of Eden through your toes . . .
Marc
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Lovely
Very soft and appealing. Quite a nice story.
And thankyou also for your kind comments on "greyhound".
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Such love as that can never die, such poetry will live as long.
Beauty in form and beauty in thought. I hope, no, I know, Sam knew how lucky he was. How cruel is the world to break such a bond. You honour him in your writing and you paint for we who remain a picture of a man who won the heart of a mermaid.
You never hide his or your failings, never duck the issues just lay lost love on the line. Open honest and caring.
Sam, you were the luckiest man alive in love, I weep that she lost you, and I am delighted that she never will lose all of you, you are a thousand perfect poems in her heart.
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Oh, that is a wicked contest you've entered...
I still need to huck up something for Meg.
Those first 3 stanzas are the most impeccable bits of poetry I've ever read relating to someone you love.
"double knotted" could use an optional hyphen...maybe. I'm a hyphen whore.
Do you really have 146 eyelashes?!
I didn't know humans had that many...
Should I take that fourth stanza literally? It's so...awesome.
"he emulated a tragic Poe"
Apart from being a wicked reference...well, this is just an awesome comparison.
Plus...melodramatic much?
"he said words were black birds
that scratched the face
of a milk white moon -"
LOVE!
Absolutely gorgeous. I love the jux. (intentional or not, it's awesome) with 'black' & 'white'...personifying the moon--WOW, you made it new again.
My favorite part.
"seven Septembers"...looking at the comments below, this would translate to seven years...and it is September now. Also, it has that nice alliterative effect Mark was going on about.
And as for those last 2 lines...they are perfection & compliment that first stanza incredibly well.
Another piece of A++++++++ Lane.
Jessica
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Sam...
I understand.
It is beautiful. He was beautiful. You are beautiful.
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there is such a welcome when we can finally smile at part of our past and remember happiness, bittersweet, but that is the quality of memories, i think...wonderful poem...PK
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I'm amazed at how you can consistently write great pieces. If I can write something good a couple times a month I am doing okay, and you seem to put out one a day.
This piece is a beautifully written tribute to a specia person, and it hits on all the little things that makes love special. Counting eyelashes becomes a worthwhile and truly special endeavor when they belong to the person we love.
Really a beautiful piece, and I'm imagine he is looking down and listening to these beautiful words.
Best of luck in the contest, and more than that, thanks for sharing this and other pieces.
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My Lady
I love the transition in this, from other September songs of the past two years.
Yes, I remember.
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Buddy
don't make me cry...
Love to you, my sweet King, Lane
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No My Lady
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Love the characterization here, Lane. What an eccentric, sweet guy you have described. Curios what he might be thinking of her now, huh?
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this was Sam. He was my fiance and died seven years ago this month. he was a cool dude, a lovable partner, and a sweet sweet soul. I hope he is thinking of me, too. Love, Lane
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"When rain washed the sun away
he emulated a tragic Poe,
claimed his soul
was broken to the bone"
This gave me goosebumps, poet! Perhaps because I see a man with a similar soul when I look in the mirror. A wonderful and touching penning my friend!
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arafura
knowing this poem gave you goosebumps is better than anything a contest could ever give me. Thank you for your continued support and for your lovely comments. Love, Lane
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The imagery in this is so romantic and bittersweet. I just love the whole piece Lane. Good luck in the contest. You are an amazing poet my friend.
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Wild Applause Goes Here
Good luck in that contest, Lane.
You really nailed this one.
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Thank you, as always, Tom. If I nailed it, then great, but the comments I receive are so much more rewarding that a tiny trophy
Love, Lane
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AH, chess..
I so love it. sadly no one around me nowadays to play it with though. you absolutely killed me with these
lines:
"When rain washed the sun away
he emulated a tragic Poe,
claimed his soul
was broken to the bone"
I bow at your feet..
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Love, Lane
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Cheats at chess...is NOTHING sacred!
I'm sure those poems are still somewhere to be found and one say may inspire another poet.
Odd that chess seems to intrude on your life every now and then...;-)
love
D
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Sounds kind of stalkerish to me but in a good way lol and I can't play chess because I haven't got the patience to sit still long enough although seems women are often saying to a man 'it's your move'
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LMAO!!! You are so funny
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This pulls at the heart strings.
'he said words were black birds
that scratched the face
of a milk white moon'
perhaps he reads the words he once wrote about you, and wonders about you. Lovely penning
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i have often wondered what happens when we go to heaven...do we still wonder about those we left on earth or are we so far away in paradise that they are simply very vague memories. Who knows. I'm sure I'll have my answer one day, but if he is wondering about me, then it would make me happy. Love, Lane
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He sounds wonderful. A beautiful and wistful poem and another slice of Lane. Thank you.
Love
Sue
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Sue
yes, he was wonderful. Very much so. Thank you for reading and for the rose and applause love, lane
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seven Septembers = good alliteration.
Sounds like a fascinating man.
Enjoyed.
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Mark - he was fascinating. I loved him very much. He died seven years ago before we could get married, and sometimes I miss him to the point of writing poetry. Thank you for reading. Love, Lane
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Excellence...as always.....like sunsets on a cloudy
evening..
Double Jeopardy
"Who cheats at chess"
in reality;
"Who construes her own rules"
But then, what woman doesn't?
what woman in all of history hasn't??
Most cheat of heart in ways all too similar
allowing Men to chase them until they are caught
like minnows nibbling on their toes
So is life
and so shall it remain
as women rule
where it counts
For every human cheats
but usually mostly on themselves
and most of those; are men
Len
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I guess his poems are stored in a safe place... close to your heart.
Last night I used my words on somebody who was having a hard time and it felt good.
Thanks for another wonderful insight.
Love, Peter
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A truly beautiful reminiscence, with all the love and quirkiness that singles out your poetry. It is tender, loving, beautiful observed and completely you.
And I bet you do cheat at chess too!
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this is a beautiful & 'quirky' poem, I love it, I can totally picture this guy...and I love the playful touch in it, too, you have captured his personality even though, I have no idea who he is...lol - and the ending is great & unexpected...lol.
it's always a pleasure to read your poetry
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Tara
his name was Sam. he died seven years ago. He was quirky, funny, intelligent, sometimes moody, but I know he loved me and I loved him. Thank you for the wonderful comment, my friend. Love, Lane
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