Every little part of me
Seems to fall apart,
I just wish that you could see
That we are far from the start,
Inside my heart breaks
As when I look at you
I feel like there are snakes
Trying to escape through my blood
As it drips from the core
And I fall to the floor
I scream in pain,
But then i regain…
I look to the side and just smile
Finally I’ve fallen apart
That was 1 long mile
Now I can let go?
Author notes
this is how i felt in the inside i find it deep and its one of the first poems i had ever writen for a literature
on of the first poems that i wrote what do you think?
Comments
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is an interesting piece of poetry.
I feel that the rhyme is a little forced, to say that you feel as though snakes are trying to escape through your blood, it doesn't seem like a realistic image.
I think you'd benefit well from free verse. It allows you to write without rhyme.
In the second last line use the word "one" rather than the number.
I think the way you showed the blood dripping from your core was well done.
Welcome to Allpoetry and I hope that you enjoy your stay
Should you have any questions, please feel free to ask me
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