happy?

Why cant i be happy?
I hear you guys laugh,
I see you guys smile,
But i cant myself.
I have the bestest friend ever,
Yet still no happiness.
I have a gawjus boyfriend,
I still feel no joy,
Is there something wrong with me?
Do i just not care enough?
I might aswell die,
I've hurt to many people.
Talked about them when i shouldnt, i regret it, but hey i've lost a friend or two.
But the thing is i know they talk about me too.
I cant stand being around them so long,
I dont know why, but i know its wrong.
I let to many people down,
so now is the end of my frown.
All im saying is goodbye,
forget telling lies,
im going now
Just let me be
i want to be dead!
Just dont come find me,
as i might be covered in red...