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Reanimated Corpse (P.O.W)

A razor sharp blade,
refined by fire,
cuts my flesh ~

separating skin
from muscle,

dividing spirit from soul...

Opened veins
bleeding sickness
from my dead heart ~
purifying

a darkened soul,
readying it

for salvation.

Skilled hands

removing 

thick cataracts
with precision,
opening blinded eyes.

Layers

of lifeless skin
stripped
from death's carcass,
setting my spirit free ~
I'm a living zombie
no more...

 

Author notes

*POW Contest*
Theme: being freed of the flesh, spiritually.

Hebrews 8:12~
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (New International Version)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • littlefishone
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    The imagry for this piece is sensational. tHIS WAS A VERY MOVING PIECEIT REALLY DESERVED THE TROPHY GODBLESS LITTLEFISHONE

  • Robin Greene
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    The imagery was powerful which made the visulisation as horrific I feel you intended it to be. You deserved the awards that you recieved for this piece of work.

    . Rewarded 4


  • midnight vampiress
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    such an amazing poem. it blew me away. so dark, but amazingly beautiful. good job.


  • Tyl3r
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    This is the first poem I have read that cannot be classified into a style or group. Very original.


  • Hyperactivity
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    That is really cool that you got something so dark out of Hebrews. Everytime i read that verse i tried thinking of a song but i couldn't and here you make it look easy. That is a talent. and this poem deserves to be in the featured poems!!

    . Rewarded 4


  • teenagedisaster14
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the gold.... I really enjoyed this. It is interesting how you inturpreted being bond to the flesh as being a zoombie.

    . Rewarded 4


  • xPink-Lotusx
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This surely deserved gold. Well done. I loved the dark yet vivid imagery in this piece. Very good free write. I loved the use of words in this piece very much. Your work is usually something I look forward to reading when I get a chance. Well done!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Touched by this write......as Renee said....you have taken this scripture and made me hear it through your own voice.....lovely Tim,

     

    God bless you,

    Bear ~


  • Undying-Heartbeat
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the Gold!! Such awesome and true poem. Every one and every Believer should read this. Amazing!!

    Be Blessed,
    Alesha

    . Rewarded 4

  • Striders Bar - silver member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wow, quite a poignant write, indeed. As usual you've expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Woodchuck4400 silver member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry. When I clicked, I did not recognize the title to the poem. It is very well done. I enjoyed it even more the second time around.

    Mike

  • poetryality silver member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on winning the Gold here poet. There is great power in these finely crafted sentiments. I totally understand P.O.W. (although I know what Bear uses the acronym for). Indeed you must be a warrior for Christ because you've made witness of the intensity of the "sword". Being held captive by the knowledge of Our Lord; you give reference to this bible verse with great wisdom.

    Excellent!


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

    . Rewarded 8

  • celadia
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, congrats on gold! and in Arkbear's contest, too. that's really something, a scary, dark read you have here, scary because I've felt like this.

  • Lost Vampyre Angel gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Tim, First of all your title on a personal preference to darker like poetry would draw me in a lot. It gives away a bit but leaves us to find out the rest of the puzzle. But as Trista said for most people who would not enjoy a good macabre read than this would not really be the best poem in the world for them. but alas as I said for me the title seriously draws me in.

    The flow in this is a little bit disrupted, I can't quite find out where but it seems very..off flow in places not all of them but just some, overall this poem is very very enjoyable. It is rather deep. although I have read poems like this, you definitely took an original approach and outcome to this.

    I do think changing some words to add more..effectiveness would be good for example instead of using the word "darkened" >> "blackened" it adds more effective and emotion to the poem stanza.

    "Skilled hands

    removing

    thick cataracts
    with precision,
    opening blinded eyes."

    I must say congrats to this stanza because it really is free verse beauty to see that. Such eerie lines and lovely vocabulary used in this. I can see/feel/sense the imagery pouncing out at me.

    This poem sure made me think and left me really thinking deep and hard about the poem. I liked this poem very very much, It was very neat and all in all very well crafted.

    No editing once a judge has touched your work until trophies have been given.~

    Vampy xxxx

  • trista gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Tim,

    I must say, your title creates some very interesting pictures in my mind! I'm wondering if it isn't just a little too macabre for some people though? I'd say you'll draw more readers in, than you will turn away, yet I know for myself I'd have to be in a certain Stephen King/Dean Koontz kind of mood to click on it.

    I've seen writes on similar themes, but yours definitely has a unique approach. From a technical standpoint there are only a couple of things that concern me...one being the use of so many words ending with "ing", the second being the use of pronouns in the write. Some of the "ing" words can't be pared down to their simpler form, but several could be. "ing" can weaken a verb, plus...if you get too many in a write...the words can all start to sound similar. The simpler form also sounds more immediate, which can make a reader feel they are closer to the action. Changing even a few of them would, IMO, give your poem a "cleaner" feel.

    As for the pronouns...I felt they put too much emphasis on "you". I didn't believe this offered as much impact as it could have, and felt it might make more of an impression if the only reference to "you" was in that second (OR third) to last line. As always, this is only how I would tweak this, but a couple of examples:

    " A razor-sharp blade,
    refined by fire,
    cuts flesh ~
    separates skin
    from muscle,
    divides spirit
    from soul..."

    And...
    "Layers
    of lifeless skin,
    stripped
    from death's carcass,
    set my spirit free ~
    a living zombie
    no more..."

    Again...just MO of things...as you can see, none of my co-judges had an issue with it. It might be something to at least consider playing with...and if you still like the original version better you won't have lost more than a few minutes of your time.

    I appreciated the AN and seeing how you took a Bible verse and interpreted it poetically, also enjoyed the central metaphor of your write. However, even without the notes I feel this stands alone quite well, which I think is important. There is no "preachy" religious tone to the write, and that makes it one more people will be willing to explore and find a personal meaning within.

    Thanks so much for a wonderful entry... I think you've set the bar high for the other 9 entrants to follow. My scores will be posted in the final notes...



    Good luck and best wishes,
    ~J.
    Remember: No editing once a judge has touched your work, until after trophies have been awarded.

  • NeonRose silver member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Welcome to the POW for 9/12/08.

    I found this to be an excellent interpretation of your theme/topic, based on the bible verse quoted.

    While religion and/or religious topics are not always
    universally popular, this write stands on its own, and without the AN notes, would probably not even be viewed as a religious piece.

    Great choice of title, I thought. This would draw curious readers in.

    Poetry that lends itself well to various interpretations is always a good thing, as the success or failure of a write depends on how it is received by those reading it.

    From a personal standpoint, I found this interesting and thought provoking. My only stumble came at the last two lines, where the zombie aspect sort of threw me. One person's opinion, and not a major fault,..not really a fault at all.

    IMO, this is a good, strong entry, and should do well in the scoring.

    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.

  • aboomer silver member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hi - nice to see your talents here again.

    I like your title - I think, especially at this time of the year, that readers would click on it.

    Your theme is not one I've seen - and it was very uniquely done. I like the depth to this - with great images you describe a physical technique, but underneath you have something that could be an entirely different thing - so would give readers something to think about.

    Your wording is good, great images, nice flow, neat presentation.......a good entry.

    Best wishes in the contest. My scores will appear in my final notes.

    **Remember, no editing once a judge has commented on your work.


  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hi and welcome to the POW first off I must
    say that I have not seen many writes like this
    but I do not going to search for them either
    so this is unique to me I do belive that life
    is left in layers when we die I am not sure if it
    happens this way this sounds gory to me I think
    that death which is rather tragic is not to leave a
    pure and innocent sould tortured.This piece did
    leave me with alot to think about. My scores will appear at the end of the contest with my final notes be well

  • islekine
    September 14

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and Welcome!!!

    I absolutely love this…truer words
    were never penned…I like the emotion,
    and feeling you have brought forth.
    Although not unique in theme…very
    uniquely penned. The flow is well
    done and I like the title. All in all,
    I would say a real contender this week…
    Thanks for entering! Best wishes in the
    contest…
    Write on…


    REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has
    commented on your work. My scores will
    appear in the final notes.
  • Livingemptyspaces
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    I definitely got a different view from this all together.
    Part of me was screaming Occult and those that go through pain just to be justified.

    But that's probably because that's what I'm studying right now.

    I don't like the first ... though the last really works.

    Beautiful poem and great luck in the PO contest.

  • cutiepie gold member
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    I found a great strength behind this macabre facade..often we think in terms of death as being "The End" whereas, it can also be seen as the beginning of a new beginning. Good luck in the contest


  • Woodchuck4400 silver member
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job. I don't think I have ever read a poem on cataract removal before. It stands alone or can be read as a great metaphor.

    Mike


  • Calling Lost Angels
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    nice.
1 - 23 of 23