You could always talk your way right into my heart.
You always knew just what to say.
This high risk game of yours you'd always start,
And I was always willing to play.
You'd flash me that smile and I'd start to forget
that it's a game I cannot win.
Before I know it I'm placing my bet,
Setting myself up again.
I know what they think, I know what they're saying
"You can't blame the girl for trying",
They're giving their odds, and bet that I'm praying
Not to be left again, crying.
And each time I'd lose your evil game,
left standing in sad surprise
All of my wishes were always the same,
And all met the same demise.
Now you stand at my door, with words tried and true,
tempting me with passionate kisses.
and I realize I was finally happy without you,
And decide that I'll save my wishes.
A contest entry
- Dalaney no. 10 'Goodbye' by Sue Cardwell.
1750 points, ended September 21, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What'cha think?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Great stuff!!!
Profound & honest building up to the final stanza of rising above the game....
Great narrative, rhythm & flow with interesting rhyme scheme that enthralled throughout...
Well penned, well versed, well done!!!
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Congrats on the trophy. This is a really good poem. I like it. I really like the last stanza. Sometimes it takes a while to realize that we don't need that 'someone' around to be happy, and in fact we are happier without them.
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Thanks Nem!!
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I like the last stanza the best. Not that one can't identify with the entire poem, but because the last two lines especially are of hope...of loving yourself enough to say, "No, I deserve more than what you're willing to give" and actually meaning it, and being okay with that.
It's rough out there, but you gotta keep hoping and have faith...in all.
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Congratulations on the bronze in our contest. A very good entry well deserving of the trophy.
All the best in the future and do please join us in any future contest we may hold for rhyme and flow.
Sue and Jeff
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Thank you so much for the bronze in your contest. There were so many good poems. I am honored.
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This is in a very nice ballad meter (alternating three and four beat lines), a good story well told and well rhymed. saying/praying trying/crying in one stanza sound a little awkwardly close to my ear but a very well done job overall.
Keep working on getting the meter smooth and keep on writing!!!
A very good entry, and although this ends this series we both hope you continue to rhyme and flow.
Jeff and Sue
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Thank you very much! I appreciate your feedback, and the contest, and will continue to work on getting better!
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Good contest entry Loopy. Good luck!
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Thanks!!
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