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city song

street smart birds
roost on ledges

above tourists
who gawk skyward
at engineered obstacles

and cosmopolitan commuters
who dance in traffic
to  strains of sirens and horns

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • AJ Morelli gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    Jan, this is wonderful...

    thank you so much


    al


  • Cat gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    i love the city here
    the sounds and sights.. definitely a vision of al's world
    wonderful

    m


  • Crowheart
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    ya sparked me girlie

    street birds squawk
    them tourists gawk
    as i-tuned commuters stare

    y'know that~

    thousand yard stare
    into cellphone glare
    blasphemous vacant communiques

    the pomp of the electric age
    squirrelsome life in a cage
    and a scribe who just cant


    look away


    • jantastic gold member
      September 30
      Edit | Reply
      one of the best comments I've had in a while...

      thanks

  • Zayra Yves gold member
    September 24
    Edit | Reply
    Very cool Jan


  • sheltered
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    This poem makes me want to put in earplugs
    like my work does
    but I also need my blinders.
    I live downtown but thankfully it is a small city
    and I'm in a good neighborhood.


  • Luna Tique Fringe gold member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    I can just see him looking down on the street, indigenous to the city, at ease and at home, and being humored and maybe a bit annoyed by all the camera-toting fish out of water. love the music of the last stanza. this really captures my imagination.


  • Cvillelisa
    September 19

    Edit | Reply


    "gawk skyward" is so fun and good even just to look at. What I also like best is that the poem can have a life of its own outside the contest prompt.

    A most lovely gift for sure though. (and perhaps spurned a series, I see).

    off to read 2





  • Jersene gold member
    September 18
    Edit | Reply
    you have penned the city brilliantly.


  • Rowan gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    perfect jan. I love those last two lines, it is a strange dance, isn't it?


  • rockmama5
    September 17

    Edit | Reply

    Nice!

    You said so much with so little.  Wonderful imagery, yet simple, concise, and to the point.

    Great piece, made me feel like I was there!


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    love the metaphor



    ydk


  • evil tempest
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    BRILLIANT!!! thisissoal-ish! wow you people are making it TOUGH for mary...

1 - 16 of 16