How can you say your good by's, while so many tears are streaming from my own two eyes? I scream for some kind of answer, searching above in those cold blue skies. So many years walking through this life, asking forgiveness seeking an understanding through so many lies. I need to move on, but I step slowly. It seems I really don't know, could you possibly show me? I know that you know, we both think from the heart. I believe, that this should be the best place for us to start...
So much love starting to show, to me your love shall always flow. My friend my beautiful lover, When I look into your eyes I see no other. I speak these words, ever so true. I think about the years to come, to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you be with me when the weather becomes cold? Oh how I wish you were here, in my arms for me to hold. Such a Britte smile, and a beautiful mind, walk with me and together we just might find. To forget the past, and leave all those bad memories behind...
For my love, ever so true. I can not speak the words, in how I truly feel for you.When I see your smile, as bright as a new days sun. My love for you has thus only begun. I have been waiting for a very long time, you are my reason, your heart, my rhyme. I can only smile, for you are willing to walk with me that one extra mile. What will happen for our tomorrow, let us be together to live free, forgetting all our sorrow. I watched the sun set, the clouds turned red this evening. With my heart telling me, in you I'm truly believing...
I shall cry those happy tears, as long as your willing to walk with me, through out our futher years. I have walked on this earth ever so blind. I feel so lucky, you opened my eyes, and here you I find. To my love, my love so true, in my heart a special place belongs to you. In your love I shall hide. Will you be willing to stand by my side?
A contest entry
- JUST WRITE ME A POEM by Swan song.
2400 points, ended September 20, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Of Certain Types by Blooming Poet.
500 points, ended September 27, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I hope I can make the cut, with this one. Thanks.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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yes quite beautiful - very touching
the style is good a rhyme with length and details that bring it more alive
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this is so beautiful. this is like a combination of prose and rhyme and even stream of consciousness. i love this style its like a poetic story full of deep emotions. its nice to see a guy who can express himself and be deep like this. this is your style so stick with it i try all kinds of poet styles for fun but this is like natural to you so i hope you write more like this.
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I wish you guys all the best:-) Love is ever so rare now-a-days.
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a well thought out love poem... i like the description of your true feelings... it explains the poem and makes the poetry all that much better
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such a beautiful love poem. i wish you the best of luck in this contest... you well and truly deserve it with this piece. heartbreaking and yet stunning,
hugs,
georgie,
ps. shes a lucky girl -
This is an enduring write.However I agree that you should seperate your sentences so that it is more structured.The words are beautiful,my only question is why would you hide in her love if you have opened yourself to her completely - nothing should harm you with her by yourside?
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This is a wonderful write. Only it needs to be broken up more like in poetry from. As it is written now it reminds me more of a story than a poem. But perhaps that is what you were going for. If so then that is fine. I think you wrote very well. I loved the imagery and the creativity of the write here. Good job again
. Rewarded 6
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Ah..I like the intensity and the depth of the subject with its tone and wonderful presentation...well done my friend..
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So sweet ...
I have been waiting for a very long time, you are my reason, your heart, my rhyme. I can only smile, for you are willing to walk with me that one extra mile...
bet she will stand by your side
. Rewarded 4
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ahh I like this piece so much it has feeling jumping out from every line it is such a beautiful peice! great write.
. Rewarded 4
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To forget the past, and leave all those bad memories behind..
if only we could actually do the last line ...excellent write and emotion felt...I hope you can mend through it if its non-ficition ...so sad the end of love and that is what you captured here...Peace Katie
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You have a good piece here and with a little editing it would look much better.
I would suggest you set this out in rhyming stanzas, which will make it easier to read and follow.
Your beginning
How can you say your good by's, while so many tears are streaming from my own two eyes? I scream for some kind of answer, searching above in those cold blue skies. So many years walking through this life, asking forgiveness seeking an understanding through so many lies. I need to move on, but I step slowly. It seems I really don't know, could you possibly show me? I know that you know, we both think from the heart. I believe, that this should be the best place for us to start...
could look like this and read better
How can you say your good by's,
while so many tears are streaming from my own two eyes?
I scream for some kind of answer, searching above in those cold blue skies.
So many years walking through this life,
asking forgiveness seeking an understanding through so many lies.
I need to move on, but I step slowly.
It seems I really don't know, could you possibly show me?
I know that you know, we both think from the heart,
I believe that this should be the best place for us to start...
Just a suggestion It's a good piece and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Gaylene
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Very good prose
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It's pretty good prose (not poetry!).
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You spelt bye wrong in the first sentence u forgot the e. I like the concept here but it doesn't flow to me "but I step slowly". I love it. I wish I could have a guy tell me that. Its such a great write. Bravo
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Wow, there's such wonderful emotion in this piece. I can really feel the love and tenderness of thought that flows from your words. There's a lovely rhythm here, so read aloud adds a brilliant impact. Reading these lines is like being given a glimpse into your soul, and what a beautiful soul it is! Thank you for sharing this,
Luck. -
i like this alot, its sooo filled with love and passion. its like i can see how u feel, like im seeing how u feel through ur eyes. well written
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