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bathing with strangers

 

 

Old bodies

soak old bones

 

as lovers bubble by

knee joints hooked

to knee joints

stars reflect

their faces

 

a teenager

ogles my cleavage


I close my eyes and rise

from the springs

like steam

into the mountain’s

silhouette

 

remembering before

I came here

 

I called myself

like a missing pet

each door

creaked my name

into the nonchalance

of night 

 

but no one answered

 

amid strangers

I now surface


nurtured and home

floated into the sanctity

of my own womb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 47 of 47

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    November 24
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    ~


  • Just Mercedes
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I love the image of 'my own womb' and the thought that it is only yourself who can heal yourself. The realisation of the relatedness of strangers, but also the primal indentifcation with the earth - lots in this, very nice.


  • Rowan gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful poem to read first thing this morning, a coming-into oneself. My first read of your work, but not my last. I really, really enjoyed the layers within this poem.


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    as lovers bubble by
    knee joints hooked
    to knee joints
    stars reflect
    their faces

    that alone stands out
    I love the intimacy it brings with the stars

    This is subtle, sensual and very descriptive.


  • Grunts Girl
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love how your found your way home
    i wanted to ask-- is the first line font bigger than the rest of the poem for a reason or is it just my computer?

    and i giggle because part of me went to the movie Cocoon- i think i spellllllled that right... i dunno i am really tired at the moment...but did you ever see it?


  • markgrif gold member
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of alone in a crowded room.

    Nice.


  • Harrisham Minhas
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is a splendid poem, Tara.
    The portrayal of a person's feelings with and without strangers has been smoothly done with metaphors and imagery.
    Well-expressed.

    Harrisham Minhas


  • tomisb
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    I feel you move with pagan weight and the age of Ceres counting once more her populace. Belief is a filter and children are often full of clarity born of ignorance and told by parents to disregard the experience. I love the image of rising like steam. It gives the whole piece this etheral vibrance that is not a dream as much as a shift away from the mundane and pulls me into the land where magic is not fx. I was enchanted

    Love,
    Tom B.

  • Nangaleema
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    i think the idea that you are among strangers is significant here. something about being among strangers can encourage one to be more sompletely oneself - perhaps it is the lack of expectations and preconcieved notions of others. sometimes i love being alone in a crowd, the freedom of anonymity can be so liberating. that's what this poem reminds me of.

    "I close my eyes and rise
    from the springs
    like steam
    into the mountain’s
    silhouette" - aaahhh transcendent. a lovely read. - Mary Jo



  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    I don't see the 'strangers' as having any credit for your 'surfacing'. To me they are merely part of the setting in which there is a realisation that you are who you are, in a state of more self containment and acceptance than the previous, in which there was more a feeling of being lost or missing something. Now is a sense of 'here am I', 'this is who I am' perhaps 'you' who might, will meet me or not... but meanwhile those around you haven't a clue who you are and perhaps don't even care.

    'a teenager ogles my cleavage' - leaves and points to the sense of something far more than this, which needs to be shared rather than left wasted.

    If and when I feel alone, it usually feels more emphasised in the company of strangers... and I would rather be by myself.
    I find this poem very descriptive, reading very easily and it leaves me mainly with a feeling of sadness... which is maybe just me projecting my own present emotions about it.

    All reads very faultless to me.

    Sol



  • And Hyetal gold member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Three days is too long for me to be gone from AP. I can't believe I've missed these beautiful words.

    'a teenager
    ogles my cleavage'



    The last line = beauuutiful.

    ~Cassie


  • BehindTheShadow gold member
    September 25
    Edit | Reply
    Stunning! Just when I thought you could get no better, you go and peak again. I love this!


  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    'knee joints hooked
    to knee joints,'

    That is suck a cool image. Makes me think of that song...

    Stanza four = perfection along with stanza six

    A killer end. This, to me, is wonderful.

  • Yellowdogpoetry gold member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    I've no suggestions for this piece. I am allowing this one to wash over me as needed. This is a spiritual journey, intimate and profound. Love how this travels to the inner most part of you, that place that is revered and meant for life. Masterful, so potent. Geo


  • Zayra Yves gold member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is a just a little bit confusing for me but I have had a long day! It reads with a dream quality to it and I think it is the last stanza that throws me into that level of consciousness. I wasn't expecting the twist of bathing in one's own womb and I had to work my linear brain out of its box to get it! Great work, as always!


  • MariGoes silver member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    My favourite parts are the last two stanzas. Lots of visual and feelings there. You can write about anything, yes you can


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply

    I love what you did with the closed eyes stanza, MUCH clearer now.

  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    September 24
    Edit | Reply
    you've created a beautiful space for yourself
    despite teenagers ogling at breasts
    lovers distracting sanctity with their splashes

    you have created a small piece of utopia with words

    I should try to do the same.


  • Jim Berkheiser
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    I have a problem with the first six or seven lines. Based on your title, I am guessing the lovers and the 'old bodies' are different people but that is not clear.

    Other than that, I love the poem. You create a lovely, ethereal mood and explore a human need of introspection, even when one is not alone.

    • tara wilson gold member
      September 24
      Edit | Reply
      hi Jim - I rearranged some of those lines...hopefully that makes them more separate now! thanks for your comment

  • LiMarie silver member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous this, wonderful imagery, so enveloping ..and so positive in the end, the stanza with "calling myself like a missing pet" is incredibly beautiful..Lovely lovely write


  • kaibab silver member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful...thanks for thinking of me in the old bodies soak old bones part...and the teenage boy part as well...that could have been me...
    but it is such an inner journey to call yourself home...and see at the doorway, someone that you might admire


  • Balldinger silver member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    just boggles the softening of one mind under dome lights featured in periodicals left on display. nice tarmac run, mixed with an ounce of skin-so-soft while the avon lady erringly rings someone else's door bell...


  • philosphyofkate
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    the last time i was touched by a human being i was not related to was when i got pregnant. it's like floating in a bubble of nothing. of being something only in relation to everyone else, but nothing of yourself. i love this... floating poem.


  • Hulali
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    MMMmmmmm, this is so beautiful. I miss the hot springs I used to live so close to. here is the most critical moment in the poem,
    "because I kept
    calling myself like a missing pet,"

    I love that, and the clarification that follows.

    the end could be played with a little, if you wanted.

    but never answered, (not sure about "never" - no one?

    so I finally decided to return

    (don't think you need "finally"

    and realize that even amid strangers
    I comfortably resurface

    (tense disagreement: realized?

    floating within the sanctity
    of my own womb. (gorgeous, darlin)




    • tara wilson gold member
      September 23
      Edit | Reply
      I have been going back and forth between decide/realize & decided/realized...present or past for those two words??, I can't pick which would sound better or seem right...lol

    • tara wilson gold member
      September 23
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Destiny - thank you so much for taking the time to make some suggestions & for a more in depth crit..., making some changes to the poem now based on what you said, much appreciated..


  • Kiran silver member
    September 23
    Edit | Reply
    So full of depth. This was wonderfully written.


  • CaliOkie silver member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    The warmth of this cradled me and I found myself drifting away on your words. And I particularly like the feeling of returning to a place that is the same, but somehow you have changed and view it in a new light.

    Excellent.

    Garrison


  • Peteskid gold member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    These are rich verses full of sensations and things seen with an impact on the viewer; the inner meaning of the wimmersions seems to be the key, to a message with wonderful depth and meaning...PK


  • Tennessee-Joe
    September 22

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    Tara,
    I think you are returning to March,seeing what has been-looking for what can be. You have found it,even if you don't realize it.(now you are really confused)I think we all regress to a place, a time , or a person that we knew, looking for that something.

    I hope I find it, myself.
    Joe


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    I think you have something here, Tara. Loved how this one started from "far out" and then moved closer "to home"...almost a spiritual homecoming about this poem. I too think you don't need the first line/question and perhaps a line break change here and there, but I liked this!!

    ~ Nicolette


    • tara wilson gold member
      September 23
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, Nic I had changed the question already after Mary's comment, but since you mentioned it as well, I'll take that first line right out..LOL. thank you...and I will keep playing with the line breaks, als

  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    I have read a lot of your work,
    and have come to be such a fan of yours.
    Usally you writing reflexs on others,
    and there is always something that has
    such a powerful message within it. You write of how others has touch your soul, in one way or another. That is how I came to completely respect you. You made me feel what you were feeling at the time. Not many can do that. This piece is more about you, which is really great in-it-self. I can usally read people very well, but there is something that seems to be pretty
    magical about you. Like there is something within
    you that leaves people who knows you, wanting more.
    You probably don't understand what I am trying to
    say, but believe me, it is all good. Anyway I love your poem and I think you are one of the most talented poets on this site. Continue to do what you do best, writing, and touching peoples hearts.
    You don't need any suggestions at all.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply

    Tara

    wonderful journey of questioning. Oarticularly in the final realization you are it. There is no need for any others to validate your self.
    My only quirk is lovers twice in the first verse, but that takes nothing away from the brilliant thought process here.

    Buddy


  • arafura
    September 22
    Edit | Reply
    I'm like Lane. I have no suggestions, just admiration.


  • faderman1959
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    This one really got me thinking! I love to ponder your poems as they are always so insightful. To me you are seeking to find peace with yourself. A comfort if you will. I find I myself have done this as I have gotten older and have discovered that its the journey that matters, not where your going. See I told you, you got me thinking with this! I really enjoyed this!


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    Tara, I liked this and understood. You were calling to yourself. Something I used to do until I gave up and just left the doggie dish on the porch in resignation. lol (Read: I too am past due for a real vacation.) I think it's wonderful that you did something for yourself, by yourself. It reinforces your sense of self and even helps if/when you want to be self-less to others. I say good for you and yes, I think you got your message across fine.

    your friend,
    Paul


  • Dalaney gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    Tara...I have no suggestions, never do when I read your work. You just have this way of pulling us in so intimately, and showing the beauty of who you are without all the fanfare. Flawed, human, an extraordinary woman. One of your best of all...Love, Lane


  • Heath. gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Tara, great finishing stanza - tells a story and then becomes very intimate - returning to yourself - seeking some kind of refuge I guess.

  • LimelightLiason
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    hmmmmmmmm. i must say that i havent been reading a whole lot of stuff on the site lately, and i am vey happy that i found this one. the title really intrigues me. from the title i thiught it might have been a more erotic type piece, but you used it in a totally different way. it seems to me that there is a message of self confidence embedded in this write, as per the title. great write.
    Rob


  • Cat gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    i think you are on the right track- i can see where you are going with this for sure

    i would probably eliminate the opening question... if this were mine.

    i love
    old bodies soak old bones...

    can't wait to see what becomes of this

    m


  • delightfulmess gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    Holy smokes!
    This is very profound! I love this.


    The way I interrpreted this was going back to a place of enlightenment after loosing yourself, maybe a place that was special with your past love, or at the begining when things seemed so good before spiriling.

    Then upon returning you are finding yourself. or at least recentering who you are and accepting that even lonly things will be ok.


    This is great

    Love,
    Delila

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