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Rainbows in the Brick (Complete!)

Sunlight sparkles in raindrops
falling daintily from above.
Wall in the meadow is brown,
just up to the natural waist.
Rising right below yellowed grain.

Rising and falling within wind-
grains sway as a pale ocean.
Brown-brick wall sparkling;
dusted in sand reflecting light.

Hand in hand we dash through
endless seas of feathery fluff.
Arriving finally to that place.
Our special place for unity.
Brown-brick wall out in nowhere.

Slanted rainfall bouncing
off our waist-high wall.
Splashing up, around, and over
grainy glass inset within brown.

Perched precariously above
that yellowed, grain-filled sea.
Our lips brush gently.
Slow at first then with passion.

Abstract emotions embodied
deep within physical notions.

One soul, one mind, one heartbeat:
there is this syncing sensation.
We've never been so together,
as rainbows emerge from our brick.

Glassy particles glaring mildly;
creating the colors of all.
Random kaleidoscope patterns
dance about our palest ocean.
Our special place marked forever,
by rainbows in the brick.

Author notes

23. Rainbows In The Brick <- That was my prompt.

I went to town with this one. I don't know where I came up with this idea, but I really like it. I hope you do too. I'm trying to step away from my usual "blah" mood poetry. I want to write things reflecting how I've been feeling. Not how I used to feel.

I hope I'm pulling that off well.

Feedback is always appreciated greatly.

A contest entry

Comment honestly please. But don't be rude. CONSTRUCTIVE CRISTISM is welcome. But don't bash me; I work hard.

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • In all of your pieces, your images are very striking. Whenever I read a poem of yours I keep thinking to myself 'this is good but...' I feel the flow. You avoid over-capitalization and general sloppiness. This has all that strength and potential and goes even further I think. It has depth to it. A glimmering of metaphor. I think that you are a very talented writer and feel that if you continue on this vein and take your writing deeper, you are going to get MUCH better. *ends ramble* Anyways. I enjoyed this even more than some of your other stuff, though, generally speaking, all of your works are good. Keep it up!


  • Lowercase Prelude gold member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    I liked how detailed you penned your imagery, specifically at the beginning

    Overall, this was a good poem.
    Best of luck in the contest