I drift through the week like I'm in a daze
All I think about is school work and my latest craze
On Friday the week finally ends
On Saturday I chill with my friends
Than comes Sunday with practice for the play
Monday comes and goes what a horrible day
Tuesday is a random day of the week
Wednesday is trampoline Im a jumping freak
Thursday is always going by fast
Than comes friday again another week past
My grip on time is starting to slip
I fight with my mom and than I trip
I lie on my bed and start to cry
because another week has gone by...
A contest entry
- QUOTE PROMPTS#1 PREWRITES ALLOWED by Amor caecus est.
300 points, ended October 30, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like my poem???
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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wow this is really good!
its...pretty much like mine in the sense that its all about you and your days (or weeks
) and it helps the reader connect with both you and your poetry
really short, simple, terrific stuff
great flow
really good imagery with the description of each day
good write
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please post the quote in authors notes
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Good rhymes, good rhythm of the poem. I liked it. Good job.
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It's really nice since you are just 12 yeas old .It had good rhyming and well -written.Keep it up
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Cool!!!
I love these kinds of poem...
I really thought that this is great...
Though I thought that you have some typographical errors....
Still all in all it is good.. If you correct it then I think that it would be an even better poem!! Really!! (.^_^.).\/
Keep writing...
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Thought this was pretty well written, though I don't see why it is there is so much sorrow in a week going by. Best of luck in the contest. I liked the rhyming and idea of the piece.
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Yes, I do. I think it is well written and appropriate for your age. I like the lines which have details about your life in them the best, especially Wednesday.
I would add the word "school" to this line:
"On Friday the school week finally ends"
"Thursday is always going by fast" the wording's a bit awkward.
instead, perhaps:
"On Thursday the hours fly so fast"
It's great that you like to write. Writing is an important skill, essential especially while you're in school. Many kids struggle with writer's block,
school assignments become a real chore.
My son loves math and numbers, but hates to write. It takes him many hours to write an essay. Ironically, his finished product is usually quite good with few errors, but he struggles so much it ties my stomach into knots.
Soon, this will not be your "best" poem! You will improve with each month you continue to write, read, and comment on other's work.
Enjoy Allpoetry!
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I like to focus on this:
"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
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Cute little ditty a nice overview of pre-teen life. The struggle gets harder as time passes. Happy trails
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I'm personally against simple rhyme for complex or serious poems, but that's just preference (as I bet you can see from the other comments written)
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and it never really gets any better
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Great Rhymes
I love the rhymes, a great feat I've never been able to manage. I also like the message too, it seems to easy to just go through the day and not care/notice what day it is anymore.
For constructive criticism, grammatically I found a few problems. You say "Than" twice in this poem - I believe you mean "Then". In the line about Wednesday, there should be an apostrophe in "I'm". In line 10, the F ind Friday should be capitalized. And a suggestion for line 6, how about you add a "-" in between goes and what to give it a bit of a break. Sorry for going all English Teacher on you - just something I notice having lived with one (an English teacher).
Really great rhymes in this poem - good work.
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OK, I'm gonna be honest with you, I noticed Spider-Man before I noticed the poem. The poem is great, it's just I'm a dork. It kinda reminds of Solomon Grundy. It's like life is just a mundane cycle of nothing. Good work!
Hmmm... you plan to revise it, eh? Constructively all I have to say is that the end is kind of a punch in the face. The entire rest of the poem seemed a little happy to me. It's mundane, but you mention you have friends to be with, and Wednesday seemed very gleeful in tone, so the end was kind of a shocker. Personally, I think it's fine as it is. I don't think this requires any revision, but you asked for Constructive Criticism.
Hehe I also don't get how Spider-Man relates to this XD
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This is amazing and you're what 12! I wish I was writing as good at this at twelve. It is actually as the previous commentor said perfect! You do not have to lengthen it or shorten it. It's great as is! I only identfied one little error "than" should be "then" but we all make mistakes. Wonderful write
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I think its perfect
It reminded me of my feelings when I was young for it seemed the days were never long enough to do all I wanted to do . This is very good . I have ten friendly poetry on my page I would love to know what you think if you would check it out I have funny and sad and spooky for halloween as well
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So easy to let life take hold of us, rather than us taking hold of life. The week passes much the same as the week before, and the week to come will be much the same...unless we PURPOSE to make it different. You have touched upon themes here that are common to us all...the passage of time, feelings of frustration, lack of determined focus and goals. I think many of your readers will identify with your subject and emotionshere.
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