upon fierce waves of want
truth cracks to the shore
somehow in empty oceans
you find sharks to ignore
despite all the wreckage
I never intended to be
the woman to drown you
in her accidental sea
I bottled my goodbye
and set sail to your coast
you pretended I was real
but I was only a ghost
the arms that you long for
barely keep me afloat
and this river you’ve cried
a mere lump in my throat
when I was in need
you reached out your hand
you built me a castle -
buried treasure in sand
but the maiden of mercy
turned into fable of fate
(unintentional lessons)
learned far too late
with heart in your hand
and your feet in the sand
with no place to hide
here comes my tide…
(forgive me)
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This poem has a great moral
Stay away from bodies of water
Yes, I get it overall
Stay away from just bodies - is what you outta
Tiki Cat, Professor of Poetry
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I really love the wording and depth to this! I especially like,
'when I was in need
you reached out your hand
you built me a castle -
buried treasure in sand'
Beautiful!
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wow
I really like the way you write you have a way of describing things in your poems that flows well but tells a story as well. Good job please keep writing
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Oh, so romantical, indeed! quite nimbly and deftly done poem here, with crisp lines throughout... bravo... bravo... bravo..
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"when I was in need
you reached out your hand
you built me a castle -
buried treasure in sand"
This bit was so wistful... a lovely piece of work, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
. Rewarded 4
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I really loved this. It's both sad and sincere. I know it's so cliche to say "wonderful imagery" so I usually try to pick out other strengths in the poem, but it was the imagery that did it for me here. There were a couple of forced rhymes "you pretended I was real
but I was only a ghost" that could be easily remedied..try " yet i was but a ghost" or "just" instead of "only" and it would take out that extra syllable. Anyway, I enjoyed this read very much!
. Rewarded 8
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Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it isn't what we think it is or it's made out to be. Sometimes there's much hurt.
No sense in beating ourselves up about it, everyone's trying to find their way of being true to themselves. Forgiveness is a great thing and sometimes the hardest is forgiving yourself... and we need to find this quicker the better, to move on.
All here expressed very well and beautifully, just as you do.
Sol
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Overwhelmingly beautiful imagery, symbolism...I will read your work again...Bookmarked!
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this is a gorgeous, dark chocolate piece. i love it! it's filled with so much emotion and pain, it totally wins you over. wonderful job!
. Rewarded 4
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I absolutely love the symbolism of the tide "water" so in predictable. Much like life, love and relationships, the list goes on and on an on. You did such a great job with this... I realize I miss reading your work. anyways this is a fantastic write!! Keep em coming girl!
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a certain courage to be true to one's self, realize a course or a path that continues; touching people and places along the way...to a destination of which we can never be certain, even when we find it...excellent...PK
. Rewarded 4
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This is really beautiful The rhythm and rhyming are really great, and the poem is beautiful. Really great imagery on this piece.
. Rewarded 4
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my first impression was like waves, kind of calming, and somehow strong and scary.
i like it alot though ha -
I cried (didn't expect to)
All my life the "buried treasure in the sand" has been just beyond my fingertips.
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AMAZINGLY brilliant
this is such a beautiful poem
so real....
great job....
have a great day :]
. Rewarded 4
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Superb
A very fine, romantic, methinks, write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
. Rewarded 4
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I hope...
the pirate forgives. (buried treasure) After a poem written like this.
I know I would.
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Regret for the inevitable pounding that you must deliver. What a thoughtful piece!
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Wow, I really liked this. The imagery was great and I really loved the ending.
You've done a great job with this!
Take care
. Rewarded 4
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This is so excellent!! I can tell that you truly wrote this from your heart!! This is so beautiful!! You gave great details and description!! I LOVE IT!!
. Rewarded 4
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