i.
ice cubes
remain star-scattered
like a wink of chaos
preserved
they taste cold
between teeth and conscience
brushed like a mare for show
- but this is fashion
not a farm
black and white
commemorates vapid things
in shallow pools
too sultry not to swim in
ii.
as if
immortality could linger
for more than just
one pack of sugar -
she likes her coffee
unsweetened
stillborn poses
slice limes
of light -
beauty wakes the dead
a legend remains
in the haunt of
mirrored voices
all wanting the same thing:
what they already have
just more
iii.
those vines ensnare poison
sharp against easily-tickled grass
every expression is another lie
exaggerated for effect
youth is religion
- inconceivable
a second time
Author notes
Option #2: Credit unknown, but it's pretty damn obvious it's Adriana Limaaa! <3
Option #5:
"There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective"
-I Will Possess Your Heart, Death Cab for Cutie
god, I adore Death Cab for Cutie.
Option #8: Garden
In a list
A contest entry
- AP 1 Year Anniversary Contest.... by kiwigirljacks.
3000 points, ended October 9, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Pink lemonade, por favor?
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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this was an excellent poem
your emotions were well penned and imagery was great
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very well done . . liked "like a wink of chaos preserved" and "brushed like a mare for show" . . congrats on the gold !!
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Gracias
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Damn! This is awesome! I mean awesome! I love the verse
stillborn poses
slice limes
of light -
beauty wakes the dead
Wow, you've made me speechless
This rocks hun big time, think you've nailed this contest well and truly! Gotta go in my hall 
Good luck 
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Another poem in your hall of fame?!
I'm honored!
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Your just to damn good! Congrats on the gold!
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A very excellent take on the prompts...
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Thanks
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Damn!!! What a brill write!
"shallow pools
too sultry not to swim in" <=== so true! Fashion and it's falsities have such an allure.
"what they already have
just more" <=== how poignant is that!!!! Wow.. this so describes most people and their lust for always more than what they have.. it seems never enough!
So many things are "exaggerated for effect" ... and youth is indeed a religion to some.. or the constant pursuit of what will make them seem more youthful.
You combined those 3 prompts brilliantly!!
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Every time you do comments like this,
I get excited like an inflated ballon.
Thanks
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"Star-scattered." I like that. "every expression is another lie exaggerated for effect" I sense alliteration. Hope you win! Great poem!
*HS*
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That wasn't intentional alliteration.
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"a wink of chaos"
I love that...you have come such a long way in your writing, I love the title of this, too...and the message, I know I would never want to be young again...although, i enjoyed it, I think it's a waste of life in the now
well done
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I love the way you read--you like the things nobody else commented on specifically. Gracias
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this was a great write indeed, I see you took it outside the box which is always good. A nice poem,even though I don't seem to find it related with the picture lol anyways I enjoyed it.
Best of luck!
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I combined 3 prompts, but the main inspiration was the picture, which is obviously a fashion picture, and this poem partly satirizes youth and beauty, which are 2 components in fashion.
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Really good!
I like this poem! It is really good! You should check out my poems too! -
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Que?
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Really good!
I like this poem! It is really good! You should check out my poems too!
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bieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen fait, my friend.
Huge emphasis on the bien
as I've told you countlessly, this isn't my style of writing. I prefer to be more concrete with my writing, I suppose would be one way of saying it.
But I bow to you on this one *bow*
Good luck in the contest
(only two clappies b/c of points)
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LoL when did you say this wasn't your style of writing?
*is slightly confused*
Well anywho, I think everyone has their own poetry style.
Thanks for the comment/compliments & the Franglish...
Nice explanation on the two clappies...LMAO. -
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as for the Franglish ... I taught myself French with Celine Dion song lyrics and a free podcast . . . so I get some slack
and I think I bring it up in -- oh, every single coomment I leave you --
and I am point broke -- I'm channeling everything I have into my big Columbine Tribute contest. -- except for a feature (My poem is featured for 2 clicks) and my small contest. -
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You like my poems, but not my style? LMAO.
I prefer Spanish...
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It's not that I don't like your style ... I'm just not good at writing in that style
I live in North Mexico (about 20 miles from LA) and I speak English, German, and French. I used to attend an all spanish church, though
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What style would that be--free verse?
Or did you mean in characteristics...?
I've read your free verse, and it's awesome.
No more of this self-deprecation crap.
Oh German...I only know how to say 'shit' in German...and 'gesundheit'. It's kind of sad.
Do you know how to say I dunno...'unicorn' in German?
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just in characteristics --- the stream of thought images, is how I would put it... I might be saying it wrong, though.
and I depreciate myself. That's who I am. I occasionally write a decent poem... occasionally.
Im deutsch, ein "unicorn" ist ein "Einhorn"
literally, a "one-horn"
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Oh right, stream of consciousness or something.
Einhorn...I like it.
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Meh... I think you know what I'm trying to say... I'm pretty stupid, though.
and I think Einhorn is a little plain... I think a "scarier" german word like Silbergehörntesmythischespferd (literally silver-horned mythical horse) would be more fun
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This poem was friggin awesome! High fiiiive! [hey you like Death Cab? meh too high five again ] you're a great writer, i really dig ur style. keep it up!
. Rewarded 4
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Who doesn't like Death Cab?
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I am so very glad to have clicked on this. The visions brought up when reading bore much fruit. You my dear have what we of a certain age would call "an old soul"
excellent write
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, thanks. How'd you find this??
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It was in the featured section when I brought up the page. I was interested in the title and the author name.
Peace -
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Oh wow, I just checked for myself...! Thanks
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This is incredible. Amazing use of language.
Today's Poem: 10/03/2008
Best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
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Thanks.
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Just had to go for the triple play eh?
Nicely done.
Why does this sound like a dedication to Sailor?
Just me and my black coffee?
Eyes of red and rye?
Who knows?
Nice flow and focus though.
Bravo.
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LoL at "triple play"
Your wordplay is fucking phantastic.
Damn!
I do need to write her a belated birthday poem.
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holy shit cakes. this is fan-bloody-tastic
yea.. that's a lot of foul, unpleasant language lol. but, this poem is just so darn good.
me encantarlo!
roo
,.
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J'adore ta soeur.!
Oh hell, I can't speak French to save my life... How about...you are magnifique for such a delightfully vulgar comment? god knows, I have used the F-word to describe your poems at least a gajillion times.
Gracias..
'encantario'<--isn't it 'encanta'?
I'm so confused.
Is that DP you?
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Wow
I love the flow-pictures fashing. Can you hear the ice-cubes tinkling?
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If you can...well, I'm happy.
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Excellent
A rather unique write, indeed. You expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
Wowza!! How old are you??? This is a very mature and beautiful poem! Full of choice similes and metaphors. An absolutely wonderful read! Good luck in the contest! This is a winner!!!!!
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It says on my page that I'm 15. LoL...that's how old I am.
Thanks
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Marty slipped me this link (might as well give him credit because otherwise I likely wouldn't have seen it) - but I would have sorely missed out.
just... WOW.
I'm honestly not sure quite what to say (I'm fairly speechless), but I love this so much. The pack of sugar stanza I particularly enjoyed. Though honestly, I enjoyed it all so much that it's unfair to the other stanzas to just point that one out, haha.
Truly brilliant.
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He plugged a poem of mine? LoL, wow. Thanks for reading
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Okay so... May I have permission to feature this on my page?
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Why would you perform that travesty?
Of course you can.
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"every expression is another lie
exaggerated for effect"
- amazing phrase. If you don't mind, could I save it in my quote collection. [if yes, what is your name? Nota bunch of initials I hope]
I can't say I can nitpick here - this is a totally excellent piece as marty said when he pointed me here - well done!
♥x.
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I kind of got paranoid about perverts Google-ing for my name recently...
LoL, you can just put the quote under my username or just as Jessica.
Thanks. -
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lol!
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Wow this is WICKED!! You did an amazing job!! I absolutely love this write!! You gave beautiful lovely descriptions and details!!! This is incredible!! You did a most fantastic job!! I love it!!
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AMAZING first stanza.
'commemorates vapid things
in shallow pools
too sultry not to swim in'
*jealous*
...
I just stopped picking out best parts. WICKED good!
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Phantastically flattering comment. Thanks
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beauty wakes the dead
and freezes the living
ice cubes
photographs
fashion not farm
yet the youth
although religion and
inconceivable a second time
is regarded as manure
and crowds of zombies
make the lines of time
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
you are regarded as "the shit"
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ha ha
I'm not that young
but I might stink -
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Shower, naughty!
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You so ROCK!!! Attempting you now....
"wink of chaos" > Love this saying!! Biggest tragedies only take moments
"black and white
commemorates vapid things
in shallow pools
too sultry not to swim in"......Ya what a righteous society we live in, we like to point the finger but secretly we know we are jumping in when we think no one is looking!!!
"what they already have
just more" ......Love this line!! Again totally society! We live in a materialistic time.
"every expression is another lie
exaggerated for effect" > Made me think of all those EMO kids
"youth is religion
- inconceivable
a second time" >>> Your most powerful piece here in my opinion!! It makes the reader question their own life decisions. Would we go back and change anything if we knew than what we knew now?
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Thanks...
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Hey,
Ain't you to young to view photo's like this one?
Joe -
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Uhm, I'm 15? It's not porn.
And it's not like I wrote erotica.
Gross.
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Sorry.
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No need to apologize? I was just sayin'.
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Oh My
"vapid things
in shallow pools
too sultry not to swim in"
I am going to go hop into a pool, now.
Excellent entry.
Joe
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Thanks.
i was thinking about what the hell to write for a few days and today I just thought, "Meh, I'll finish the entry today", so I did.
I dare you to write me an uber long comment next time.
Maybe?
LoL
Thanks
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