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Down Old Mill road

Suspended between heaven and earth, in a small po-dunk town, one flashing signal

and Ed the postman. Dirt donuts were a pass time we loved. Old Mill road was another. We crept along, headlights out, to dip into October with unsteady youth. Smoked our first joint together under a homeless man’s bridge, inhaling seasons of life. We lost our virginity in calm but small voices, looking for a balance point in fragrant winter breezes and blue steel mornings. Junctions lay behind vanilla dreams and we knew it was just a matter of time before we broke free and moved a million miles from nowhere. A secret passage just east of dancing tail lights where people pay a penny for your thoughts and nod robotically behind lifeless eyes, as if they walked a mile in your shoes down Old Mill road.

 

 

 

 

10/3/08

In the weeeeeee hours of morning

Author notes

Prompt: tail lights down Old Mill road

I know this is Prose but I hope it is ok. My first attempt actually at prose . If the punctuation isn't right, please let me know because like I said this is my first attempt at prosey poetry and I don't usually use punctuation at all ...I suck!!!...lol

Lane's grab bag

Frisky prompts turn me on...lol Down boy, down. And get off of my leg!

A contest entry

I think I have fallen and can't get up...help me please.

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Too poetic to be prose. Not prosaic enough to be prose. Prose is a paragraph from the manual for a blender. This is good. Congratulations on the little brown jug.


  • notorious gold member
    October 12
    Edit | Reply
    First? Hardly!!


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    THUD!! Your FIRST prose?? Becky, this is fabulous!
    I am such a fan of prose writing, and now that I know
    you have a talent for it, well, I'm just going to have to throw a prose contest to get your feet a bit more
    wet

    Every line in this piece is worth quoting (i.e., "we lost our virginity in calm but small voices...) pure magic this one is. Thank you so much for taking a
    rather vague prompt and making it a place to remember.

    Love, Lane

    • zochit2me gold member
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      lol
      This came about because of your 10 line limit...you know I always have alot to say...

      That's how I


  • stompsalot
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    oh, i have been down this road and i swore i would never speak of it... haha.. but it was a stretch worth stretching for! simple times with so much to learn from.
    excellent, amazing poem, thought provoking, and very intense!
    blessings *stomps


  • luvfamilyluv
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    i could care less about structure so this wont be of help in that way. i do care about reading emotion... i can feel the daydreams of a life time ago, my own youth, that crisp freedom of a daybreak sneak and a million firsts. i enjoyed it. thanks for bringing home forgotten memories. sandy


  • Grunts Girl
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot.. reminds me of growing up in the mountains of New Hampshire
    I think you did prose beautifully


  • Jersene gold member
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    I like the voice in this..it suits prose...brings me back to some of the old places I use to go.


    • zochit2me gold member
      October 3
      Edit | Reply


      thank you so much for reading and commenting. Glad I could take you back

      ♥Becky♥
  • Yvette Champ gold member
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    If this is your first attempt at prose then you are a natural, you nailed it. Some poets dismiss prose as being nothing more than a list of words like an essay, you bought home the bacon, sliced, diced and served poetry in prose. Loved it. Tiny suggestion, maybe no where/ nowhere? Especially liked the passage of dancing tail lights.


    Well done!


    Yvette



  • tara wilson gold member
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow - I love it. No crit from me, I wouldn't change a thing... I actually think prose suits your voice & style of writing very, very much, Becky

    I love 'po-dunk', and 'inhaling seasons of life'...I love the first setting, and the ending takes me to a different mood, sort of wistful and maybe not where these people really wanted to end up? not sure, my take, anyways...lol....this is

    very well done - excellent work


    • zochit2me gold member
      October 3
      Edit | Reply


      thank you for taking the time Tara...
      Mucho appreciated
1 - 13 of 13