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Bind

 

“The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach”  - unknown

 

 

Seeking the arms of surrender
steady hand and shaken soul
she; the beautiful pretender
finds a world she can control

Fighting the fear of forever
finding something worth the fall
wishing the want of whatever
(wishing for nothing at all)

Playing in prisons of pleasure
locked inside cycles of lies
these are the chains that protect her
binding her to her disguise

Unburying unbearable treasure
ex’s can not be uncrossed
properly applying the pressure
painfully; the real pain is lost

 

Author notes

PROMPT: “The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach” - unknown

....yeah, I know....I sorta took it in a different direction, lol. : )




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 41 of 41

  • Ellis gold member
    November 29
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    Excellent rhyme. This is a real good poem.


  • Short but cute
    November 14

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I love the last line painfully; the real pain is lost. I don't know why I just love it.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 18
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo.
    Loved this piece
    Best wishes in the contest


    Passions


  • Alyzeh silver member
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    An excellent write. Bravo!

  • Francis Vincent
    October 3
    Edit | Reply

    good job

    a strenuos read
    but
    worht it


  • John Dillinger
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Shuberth
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    think you did a great job with this... i liked this...

    i think you meant "she's" instead of she;
    anyway i understand
    i love the sequence... and i enjoyed reading!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    October 3

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent write here

    Indeed if you feel you have fallen to the depths of no return one must know and if only they would imagine how high they could reach above it for it is true the depths of dasrkness from which you decend and still live is the exact measure of the height to which you can inspire to reach . Believe it and make it so for it takes strength to reach both . And in knowing this know you do have the strength to rise above it

    . Rewarded 8


  • Preacher
    October 3

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful Write.

    Fighting the fear of forever. Wow how true in relationships do we fear commitment. Some fight it off until the end and miss out on beautiful people. great job. That guy Wilfred looks like he's a terrorist. lol.


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    October 3

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I was sucked in by this piece and honestly I felt every word as if were written for me...I am a bit lost in my own kind of darkness, but I find I can still find pleasure amidst the pain of what I go through each day...Lovely write...thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest. -mandie-


  • MangoMadness
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    well done indeed. you have written this beautifully and it is a pleasure to read. bravo!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 3
    Edit | Reply

    Good luck, well written

    I think this well received. I like the entire write, no disection needed.


  • dance for me
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to waste your points by not saying anything about your piece, but I also don't want you to take what I say the wrong way. I am not a fan of rhyme for the most part. So know that I read it and am not qualified to judge it.
  • Striders Bar - silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Ah, 'tis a fine write, indeed. Imagery, rythem and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us.

  • passionate demise
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing.

    Great poem!!


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    you are so cool i haven't been by in way too long, and my loss, believe me. you really do rhyme so damn well, and you never lose the message you want to convey
    by doing so. A really great entry for this contest, Jamie love, lane

    . Rewarded 4


  • poppa silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    funny how others can create that darkness for us aye ... love that quote, and your poem wow.. flow , rhythm and rhyme done with your inevitable ease... loving the alliteration...good luck in the contest


  • BorntothePurple
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    This has a nice flow to it, and yes, the alliteration is well done for the most part, but I think there are a few places where you sacfrice clarity for using words that start with the same letter. Although it may be that I'm just slow tonight, I do not know what "wishing the want of whatever" means. I mean, it sounds nice, but what does it mean?

    Also, I don't like the repetition of painfully/pain in the end.

    Other than that though, I think this is overall a nice write, and you definitely do have talent. Just don't overdo it on the alliteration and let it cloud the meaning of the poem.

    • jamiedoring gold member
      October 2
      Edit | Reply

      well since you brought it up.....

      Yeah, I went back and forth on that line because I hate to use a word that looks like it doesnt bare a meaning for the sake of a rhyme (rhymers have it hard enough without THAT constant accusation, lol) .....but THIS here was an experiment (with alliteration, lol) and to tell you the truth is more of a set of lyrics than anything else....and the words meaning I hoped to clarrify by the line immediatly following... "wishing for nothing at all" ....

      the word in the sentance "wishing the want of whatever" that counts is WANT not so much whatever...

      wishing the WANT for ANYTHING....wishing for just the need to want anything other than the escape.

      whatever, lol....

      ....and the painfully/pain thing in the end was just the nail to drive in the real meaning of the poem if it was missed by the reader.

      Thank you for your honest comment!

      Jamie
  • dillpickle62
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    Holy Cow!

    I see!
  • dillpickle62
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    Jamie

    Wonderful poem. Your style's are amazingly grand. I feel bad for your ex's not being able to be uncrossed. Your a cutie.
    But who the heck is... Oh ... never mind you fixed him. Haha....

    . Rewarded 4


  • jamiedoring gold member
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    <

    MUCH better, thank you very much
  • pelo801
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this piece, kept my attention, some good lines in there, especially the wishing for the want of whatever, who can't relate to that

  • loveisfreedom
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I really liked this write good description with just enough hold back to not say to much good job keep it up

    . Rewarded 4


  • Chaos Star
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    <

    Sir, if you cannot even spell "improve" well, and you speak in all-caps, why are you blatantly insulting a wonderfully written piece?

  • jamiedoring gold member
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    <

    ME NOT KNOW WHAT LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK

  • loveisfreedom
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    < is this giy with alkida

    this giy is kind of a jerk i would be pissed if i looked like that too.

  • Chaos Star
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    It's absolutly stellar.

    Oh my god, this was wonderful. I loved it. The rhyme and the alliteration lived in a subtle, complementary harmony where neither overpowered the other and neither was forced. I'm going to nitpick because it's so damn good- I'd suggest changing the semicolon to a colon in line three. But that's all. It's frickin amazing. I love it. Best of luck in the contest; it deserves the gold.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    Playing in prisons of pleasure
    locked inside cycles of lies
    these are the chains that protect her
    binding her to her disguise

    eeeeeeeeeew. I just love that. But then again, I could've copied and pasted the whole poem, as it was phenomenal!!! It flowed like a iver from your pen. Just lovely! You are truly talented! Good luck in the contest.

  • BehindTheShadow gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    Your poems are always so perfectly presented, and I seem to think I can never give you any advice. This is another amazingly crafted piece from a master of words!


  • Lotus-Mama silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    oh my goodness...

    this is absolutely amazing! I cannot stop rereading it again and again!

    "she; the beautiful pretender
    finds a world she can control

    ...

    Fighting the fear of forever
    finding something worth the fall

    ...

    Playing in prisons of pleasure
    locked inside cycles of lies
    these are the chains that protect her
    binding her to her disguise

    ...

    Unburying unbearable treasure
    ex’s can not be uncrossed"

    i know thats almost the whole poem, lol! Amazing choices for words here! Moving! Touched me somewhere raw! Bravo, poet!!!

    . Rewarded 8


  • princess Jewelcat22
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is very powerful!!! I can feel the true pain and emotion behind this!!! You did a wonderful job expressing your feelings!! Excellent details and description!!! I love it!! You have a perfect flow!!

  • ScarletFox
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent.

    You did a fantastic jon with this piece. Keep up the Great Work.


  • KitLynn
    October 2
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    You did an amazing job. Very wonderful write!!

  • nicolesbaby
    October 2
    Edit | Reply
    i like it. you did very well

  • Rovingone gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    prisons of pleasure, that is something I can identify with. Too often reaching a point where I'll stay inside a confinement just to have the pleasure. This poem makes one aware of how we can be locked up in deep turmoils out of wanting. Very good.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Jm520
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know what direction the contest holder was headed but yours suited just fine! This is wonderfully done. I can feel the conflict within as I read. Very nice!

    . Rewarded 4


  • faderman1959
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing poem! I really mean that! It is subtle but strong, smooth and yet course. I hope you catch what I am trying to say here. Full of emotion,so deeply expressed. This has to be read a few times to truly appreciate it. Great write!

1 - 41 of 41