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Proof

Hours

were spent
like ten dollar bills;

he wanted to save me


digging deep
into barnacled bone,
honing his skills

just let it go

he would say,
prying my fingers
away from

the frayed edges
of a worn
heart

while I watched
tides tumble
and roll

day after day
night after night

as light slipped
its hand into
dark -

if I let go,

how will I know
I was ever

 

here?

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • afroqban
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    I think may very well be my favorite by you so far. a short piece, with so much amazing things packed in it. omg i had a great time reading this over and over just enjoying the sound of every word. wonderful job


  • Rowan gold member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    I can't believe I missed this one. Odd that I would read it after re-reading my insanity one that you read. lol. This is phenomenal, hon.
    I felt every word, especially that last line.


  • nevadapoet
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    Nice...clever.
    Shelly


  • Sesheta
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    I can't even contemplate what sort of inspiration would utilize "barnacled bone" so naturally...and I don't want to, because to define a thing such as this is to never know it. I love the questions you often ask at the end, those statements that cut bone-deep and really drive the rest of the poem home. Ahhh! Glorious!!!


  • DolceVito gold member
    October 8
    Edit | Reply

    Bellissima!

    Brava. You've done it again. Rose e applausi,
    Vito


  • AsIThink gold member
    October 7

    Edit | Reply

    "Poof!"...

    Loved the entire piece; but my favorite?
    "...if I let go,

    how will I know
    I was ever



    here?" ---------------------> How incredibly reflective is that thought; that question? Hmmm...you sure know a lot about provocation. I'm meandering around my mind; trying to find the words to describe the effect your skill had on me. These two words will just have to do for now: Thank you.


    AsIThink...


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Reaching deeply here for questions and ideas about ourselves, such wonderful thoughtfulness here... a short poem that will cause long pauses...wonderful...PK


  • JazzALTernative silver member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a reminder of what was felt as important when we were sane. The poem ends in a question. Proof follows in the action.


  • arafura
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    I was just thinking... you are such a clever writer! You amaze me.


  • Tennessee-Joe
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    Harvey,
    Have I ever told you haow much I enjoy reading your words? Yes? Well here it is again.
    Joe


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      Joe

      and you better keep on telling me love, lane

  • Ylova silver member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible. Amazing words and imagery. Very well written from start to finish! Great work Lane


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    I love this...and have thought that exact same question before, you have put these feeling into words & imagery, and into this poem so well...lovely & heart fraying indeed...

  • Topnotchsy
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning from beginning to end. I could practically quote the entire poem if wanted to point out my favorite part, though if I had to pick one, I think the opening:

    Hours
    were spent
    like ten dollar bills;
    he wanted to save me

    Was probably it. Another amazing write!!


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      Top...

      you never fail to make me feel great with your comments thank you so much. love, lane

  • balenciaga silver member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    oh how i can see the crashing of waves..
    this is so sad .. beautiful as usual.


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      Meg...

      thank you for taking time out of your school schedule to read my poetry. now get back to studying! lol love, lane

  • notorious
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Awestruck...as always. You consistently amaze me with your writing--you should be published, genuflected to, and given free cupcakes.

    "like ten dollar bills"
    Love this simile--it's so easy to spend ten dollars and be like, "What the hell happened?" But in all seriousness, WHAT an amazing simile...it's real and an awesome comparison, exemplifying just what a simile really should be. I will be thinking carefully the next time I ever use 'like' in a poem.

    "he wanted to save me"
    LOVETH this line...it seems to imply that you couldn't have been saved, but the intention was there, and that's so sad.

    "barnacled bone"
    Beautiful phrase. Holy...you are one of the few people who can make me spring out that stupid word.

    "as light slipped
    its hand into
    dark -"
    The juxtaposition of light/dark...so well-done, and the personification...even better.
    god, this is so freaking good!!!

    All the italicized lines were well-chosen.

    You are freaking incredible woman.

    Bookmarking.

    Jessica


  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    Lady Lane,

    WE know! Just ask us.

    'the frayed edges
    of a worn
    heart'

    embraced and mended by poetic souls around the world.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    one more in your quiver of perfection




    You already have a legacy-
    of beauty ~ to leave ~
    for one and all….
    - and you know what that is-

    Also the memory of many
    in your life-
    then- and now-
    to leave such legacy for-
    -so that they too may have

    their deserved legacies

    ~ as well ~

    For in your quiver of talent
    -Laney-
    rests the arrows
    of such deeds

    -Such commands-

    Which will
    inevitably hit
    their intention.

    For now- the autumn moon-
    bespeaks that fateful date-

    Time to draw back
    your bow

    and feel that
    twang-

    (yeah-it is)

    Len


  • Daizee
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    'prying my fingers away from the frayed edges of a worn heart..' Awww Lane.. how well I know this feeling. Scared to death to let your grip go on a tattered heart. so well spoken

    With love and admiration,
    Stacy


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      stacy...

      i am very happy you liked this poem, and so
      flattered by your words. thank you. love, lane

  • marc creamore
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Oh such a voice, such an almost perfect way of phrasing poetic images that translate the sensitivity of the heart and mind inside the reader's eyes . . . This is Lanie, the poet whose words are written on the surface of moon that I gaze at nightly and always come away from gifted . . .

    love you girl,
    Marc


  • markgrif gold member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    Nice flow to this.

    You have a way of saying stuff... Thanks for sharing.


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      mark...

      i have a lot of stuff that needs to be said your reading makes it worth writing. love, lane

  • Jersene gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    I love 'barnacled bone'

    I think we all have those fears. You write from the heart. I have great respect for that, and you


    • Dalaney gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply

      jersene....

      thank you. you know how much i appreciate it each time i see you've read something of mine. Love, lane
  • Arzab
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Great write, Lane. I especially liked the ending. Very powerful. It made me think of how hard it can be to let go of love sometimes and to move on. Thanks for sharing your talent and keep that pen flowing.


  • tomisb
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    When we stand before the waves, surrender appears to be a form of drowning. We are not sinuous fishes flashing in the light of coral dreams. We demand the greatest levels of resistance when the fear runs high. Of course we never know where we are until we are here.
    Somethings never change.
    Love,
    Tom B.


  • Amera gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    I can't help but to feel deep emotion when I read poems that you write like this. You are so gifted and creative. Now the other way this poem can be interpreted is that it only cost ten bucks to have you for hours. I don't think that's what you meant.

    Love,
    Your PIA Sister


  • Allan Emery silver member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    A truly wonderful poem.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    I don't even have the words to describe how deeply this struck me! Except.. there are tears...

    Outstanding dear Lane!
    Bookmarked

    ♥


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh!

    I know your poetry so well, but sometimes it is like rediscovery. Like Miles Davis, like Titian's Venus. I get to the end and realise I have been holding my breath (thank God you write short poems!).

    I have been told to "get an obsession" if I want to be published. Obsession is a (positive) quality in your poems; it is clear, but at the same time it's in the next room. It is on the cusp of clarity that the first shot of alcohol brings, it teeters on the brink of loss or of mellowness, it is momentary like something you remember seeing in your flashlight a few seconds earlier, something almost subliminal. Your poetry (THIS poem) speaks to me on a different level, touches me on a place where I am raw; it goes somewhere where our intelligence is apologetic and our instinct is to fall and to enjoy the fall (pendant qu'on ne le comprend pas); it is beat brought home.

  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    As always from you, this reads so beautifully and the 'subject' so clear.

    I guess it depends whether we want to stay with 'here', or are ready to move on to a new 'here'. It sounds like there is or was a good friend to help but this doesn't stop us from having to journey through and process ourselves, as only we can do.
    For me, I would say that there is only one 'here', which is 'now' and that it will be as we allow it to be, regarding these matters of the heart... both open and also protected, I believe is best.

    Sol


  • paulcreates silver member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply







    Paul


  • breedluv silver member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    You may not have meant to speak to my heart.....but you did.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Letting go

    is over-rated.

    Your poetry

    isn't



    as light slipped its hand into dark

    beautiful

    The whole poem is haunting.

    but one thing I do know, you have made enough of a mark to know you were here.


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    My greatest fear too dear friend, to fade away and not be remembered...but sometimes you have to take the risk that someone is there to catch you. C


  • Swangrnv gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    WOW, the simplicity in which you write is stunningly complicated.. you leave my mouth agape and I'm truly in awe of your gift!

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