Awake, 'tis I and heart's damn pride,
where stealth fingers seek flame~
rising heat in supple slip-slide
while core cries out 'for shame'
{regret will rest upon this bed};
but desire waits 'til doubt is bled,
Regret will rest
Regret will rest
and I burn before sunlight's thread.
Upon these sheets where fires collide,
throw wide hot shades of blame...
Awake, 'tis I and heart's damn pride
{both gentle and untame}~
we search wide-eyed for wiles of red
hoping whispered words aren't misread.
We search wide-eyed
We search wide-eyed
and turn into dark folds of dread.
Awake, 'tis I and heart's damn pride
without Night to reclaim
in stark domain where we reside,
{skin chilled within day's frame}.
There's no mercy for false hope bred
when passing wind and cold hearth wed~
There's no mercy
There's no mercy
as blood bids farewell to warmth fled.
Author notes
Prompt: any subject in Trijan Refrain
Image Credit: "Farewell" by Harry Dona
A contest entry
- Form of Refrain by GreenHrtPaleMoon.
1175 points, ended October 9, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Exciting!
There is a frantic urgency early on that is beautifully juxtaposed with the magnificent chill of the ending. Also there is something classic in the style. I love it!
Patricia
-
YAY
So pleased to see gold on this amazing piece. I had not doubt it was a winner from the get go. Excellent my friend. Heartfelt congratulations. I am just thrilled for you. YAY YAY YAY
~Pamela 
-
mhm! (meant as speechless approval)
-
This is so well thought out
it has this vibrant pace that influences the tempo
the deeper I delved into the piece
the faster I read
whispered words are Not enough to satisfy the soul
there must be a spiritual bonding
to truly unveil oneself
completely to another
what a powerful message
I love it!
thankyou for sharing your talent
hugs Moony
-
Wow! That was really a great read. I enjoyed the tempo you created and the overall feeling you evoked -- the two worked together so well. There's a depth to this that goes beyond the senses; it left me wanting more (which is rare these days). Nicely done. I look forward to reading more of your work.
-
The ache and pain drain from the reader a sense of lifes rewards. This cries out to the little boy in me who wants to be the hero in the dreams. This is full of passion's fruitless head that aches with need no other can ever meet.
Dramatic, sensual, vibrant and intense. Articulate in creating images that resonate at a visceral level. This is simply stunning. I could write a paper on all I find within here. Strip it down a level at a time. From response, to the psycho-drama, to the spiritual need -- you weave a deep a please work of art. I am in awe.
Love, Tom B.
-
-
In simple truth, this is about the hero who never arrives.
And the release of that which can never honestly satisfy.
The form lent itself to dramatic presence and I hope I've
used that to my advantage. Spirituality is always entwined
with true sensuality of soul and it is on this level, we
unconsciously respond. It doesn't take much to get reactions
through physical means, but true connections delve much deeper.
Thank-you for finding my feeling articulate and stunning...
It fills me to know I can ellicit this type of response. Blue
-
-
The hero arrives for some and disappoints, for others -- the hero is all the hero is supposed to be and they are disappointed in their own reflection. This is such a rich subject.
Spirituality and sensuality are deeply intertwined. I have come to know that all touch is sacred and that when we forget that we fail to see the lie we live and all the harm we create.
True connections are reflected even in silence. We still need help to share, or ways to learn to be real with another. If we start with an understanding that wer are mutable clay with a capacity to learn, deepen our sense of honor and allow ourselves time to repair the damage done by our errors in learning, much is to be gained.
Thanks for the poem. It strikes deep.
-
-
-
This causes me to cry from the inside out. A very well written Trijan Refrain and the subject matter is mature and filled with realism.
I sat silent after reading this piece, absorbing. And then went back to read again. Your last three lines simply pulled my energy to the floor.
Very well done. ~Pamela
-
-
Your response is one that rewards me fully...
I always appreciate your efforts at critics and
here, you honor me with sharing an emotional response
as well. Thank-you for always seeing the heart of my words.
Blue
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
