I was young, innocent and naive
When I met up with him that day
I trusted too much
And for that, I'd later pay
I thought we loved each other
But I was only fourteen
It's obvious to me now
That that 'love' wasn't real
I should've known that somebody
Who was that much older than me
Never could be believed
Or taken seriously
We went back to his house
Just to spend time together
Little did I know
That time would stay with me forever
Everything was okay,
I thought we were having a good time
But not good enough for him
He had to take something that was mine
Out of nowhere he jumped up
And tried dragging me to the bed
But when I began fighting him
He started hitting me instead
There was no way out
I couldn't escape,
I had no option
But to give in to this rape
I wish I could say
That while he was committing this crime
That I didn't feel a thing,
Was out of body the whole time
But that's not the case
I felt the pain of every thrust
I felt his breath, heard his words...
Why did I have to be the object of his lust?
I have no idea
How long it went on
But I do know one thing,
I should never have gone
In shock and confused
I decided never to tell
So I went home and kept quiet
About my private hell
The next weekend,
I don't know why
Perhaps I was in denial
But I went back to that guy
This time it was different,
He treated me the right way
And when he began taking me to the bedroom
I didn't try to get away
Maybe it's because I was scared
And knew if I refused
That there would be a repeat of last week
And I would get abused
Or maybe it's because what he said is true
It may be right to agree:
'You're nothing but a little whore,
You're lucky to fuck me'
After that time
I didn't hear from him again
But because of what he did
I'm petrified of men
I thought that it was over
As I spent time crying in my room
But little did I know
A new life was forming in my womb
When I found out
I didn't know what to do
I'm so sorry Baby
But I couldn't keep you
I still had no intention
Of telling what that bastard did
How could I tell
That I was having his kid?
If I said I was pregnant
And shared how it was conceived
There would've been too many questions
Or I wouldn't have been believed
At least that's what I thought
In my young and stupid head
So I booked the appointment
And because of me, now my child is dead
I loved you Baby
And I'll never forget
You were mine, never his
And I'll always regret
I hope you can forgive me,
Because I never will,
What sort of person
Chooses to kill?
...Finally,
In so much pain
I decided to tell
Why I wasn't the same
So many people
Were there for me
But I still couldn't tell
About the pregnancy
Eventually there was a test
That I was made to do
But what was the point?
Because I already knew
The results would be negative
The baby wasn't there
It hurt too much
I couldn't let myself care
So I turned to razorblades
To relieve the pain
Maybe cutting would help
But scars remain
Nothing erases
What he did to me,
Not bleeding, not screaming,
Not weed, cocaine or ecstasy
Right now I have no idea what to do
Don't know where to turn
I'm so sick of feeling completely alone
Can't handle any more of this hurt
I wish somebody
Could take it all away
Erase the past,
Change it so I didn't go that day
I feel so much hate and anger
Towards him and towards me
What made him think he had the right
To take away my virginity?
I have so many questions,
I need to know 'Why?'
But I'll never find out
So instead I just cry
But I'm so sick of crying,
I want this to end
I can't go on anymore
I don't want to pretend
I know I need help
But I really don't know how,
What I've wrote here
I could never say aloud
I guess I deserve to hurt,
Karma must exist,
So for punishment for what I did
Again, I'll take the razor to my wrist
It doesn't help,
I really don't care
I'm so fucked up
This really isn't fair
Right now I'm a mess
I can't cope on my own
I need someone else
To take control
To know when I'm hurting
And read my mind
To hug it all better
Or just to be kind
Because I can't pretend
I'm ok anymore
So I'm asking for help,
Just so you're sure
I'm haunted by memories,
I cannot rest
Without help I'll have to end it soon,
I think it's for the best
Author notes
Option Four: Make Me Cry.
That's right, I want you to make me cry. Simple as that. Or is it?
Well, may not make you cry but it makes me cry anyways lol
I didn't intend for this to be so long but once I started typing I couldn't stop. I don't know about the quality of the poem but typing this has really helped me get feelings out that I've been holding in for a while and that's what this was all about.
Please, if you're going to comment this just to tell me what a horrible person I am for what I did, I already know that and nobody hates me more than myself for it... so I really don't need your insults.
Thanks for reading
x x x
A contest entry
- Silent All These Years (for rape and sexual assault survivors) by SerenityNChains.
1750 points, ended November 9, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - And Then There Were None... by Memoirs of a Girl.
600 points, ends December 13, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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So sad. You need a hug, I say if you find that bastard, you should kill him. <3
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Ha, I totally agree =]
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Wow... Your poem was quite possibly one of the best poems on this subject that i have ever read.You kept me interested throughout your whole poem and the way you captured your emotions made me almost feel your pain
thanks for sharing!!1 -
Wow.
That was great, I was nearly in tears, it was so honest so raw, so powerful.
Feelings can't be kept in side forever and it takes amazing talent to take them and put them into something so beautiful!
Great write!
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this touched my heart on a huge scale,
please believe me that nobody hates you, you did the right thing, hard to come to terms with i know.
sometimes abortion is the only option, dont listen to what other people say.
I no that first hand.
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the raw emotion throughout this piece is so evident and heart wrenching, you are not a horrible person for what you did, you did what you felt you had to in that situation, many people do the same, if you were a horrible person, you wouldn't feel so bad about it, but the pain will ease. it will never go away but you will find a way to cope. cutting doesn't help but you will only be able to stop when you are ready. if ever you need to talk to someone who understand, feel free to im me. great write n i'm sorry for your pain
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you are not a horrible person.....what that guy did to you is not right.....my friend was raped and she ended up killing herself because of it.....im asking u not to do anything like that.....yoyu may think its better but its not her family is in so much pain and i lost my bff i wish that she would have got help.......the poem was amazing
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wow
that was a really good poem, but i dont think u should blame yourself for what happen to you. it was not your fault at all. it was that bastard that did it to you. you shouldnt blame yourself for what you did after what happen. you were young and scared and didnt know what to do at that time. you felt that was the right decision for you then. i'm not trying to push any buttons on you hear. i'm sorry if i have. I dont know exactly what your going through, and no one probably will. but when i was 16 i was raped by 4 guys when i was passed out drunk. but i just wanted to say you know it wasnt your fault what he did to you, and i hope you start to believe that yourself. if you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me on here.
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