I guess this appears to be where I've ended up,
What a mess I've made...
The military wanted me, now my livings in a cup,
God, please make me fade...
They don't like me anymore, my sacrifice is null,
Dad, can you hear me yet...?
Now my hair's limp and my dead eyes are so dull,
Mom, is this the end I get...?
I've done my deeds, my service to my proud nation,
Somebody, please help me out...?
They didn't like it, and it's cold in the bus station,
anybody, don't you have doubts...?
Now my 22's my best friend, it's about time I did it,
Is this really my only way out now...?
One bang and I'm gone, I'll see you suckers in a bit.
Author notes
I'm not too sure what this is, if I'm honest. I'm DispondantTramp and the song is Paint it black by the rolling stones. ^^
A contest entry
- Lyrics Inspired by XXVampireeyesXX.
600 points, ended October 24, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hmmm?
Comments
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I'm not sure where you plan to head this poem toward but I see you werew original and indeed I enjoyed it.
The final line was funny and yet devilish looking
nicely done! -
* put your option in your author notes with you Ap name please.
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I think it's a good poem. It touches an issue that many people just ignore. I think so more people understand what you are trying to say, maybe write some details about what he had to go through and why he is suicidal. I think it just might help the reader understand and feel what he is feeling. Overall, it's a good poem.
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