If you entreat me with your loveliest lie,
left there by the tide, a little tepid pool,
then I may tie tender soul to swells that die.
If you entreat me with your loveliest lie,
I might fail to listen to gull's sorrowed cry,
ne'er silencing wicked shoals of ridicule;
If you entreat me with your loveliest lie
left there by the tide, a little tepid pool.
Left there by the tide, a little tepid pool
You can no longer quiet me with redness;
and the sunset kisses have turned twilight cool,
left there by the tide, a little tepid pool.
While your shallow breath of invent fades in pule,
I shall retrieve the bliss of blues fathomless;
left there by the tide, a little tepid pool.
You can no longer quiet me with redness.
You can no longer quiet me with redness
and find me at dawn in a desolate place.
Hear my sigh as sweet zephyr of consciousness!
You can no longer quiet me with redness,
for I rise from waning depths as pythoness,
shed of your limbo and lips full of disgrace.
You can no longer quiet me with redness
and find me at dawn in a desolate place.
Author notes
Edna St Vincent Millay is the old poet in collaboration.
Born in Rockland, Maine, {1892-1950}
The first two lines of each Triolet is a cento from her works.
Please find the links below, they are as follows:
"And find me at dawn in a desolate place" from DEPARTURE
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=173985
"Left there by the tide, a little tepid pool" from EBB
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=173986
"If you entreat me with your loveliest lie" from FOUR SONNETS
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=173988
"You can no longer quiet me with redness" from SPRING
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=173994
*pythoness: a witch with powers of divination
**pule: To whine; whimper
Image Credit: "Dusk" by Dora Maucher
In a list
A contest entry
- Collab with a Great Poet … part two by Peteskid.
1600 points, ended October 19, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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great job of infusion. the works are great and the presentation is great as well. thank ou for entering
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I am utterly thrilled to see your intertwining triolet honored with a beautiful trophy. Worthy of this and so very much more. Congratulations my friend. Excellent work. ~Pamela
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on the bronze!
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Thanks! It really was a pleasure to write for this one and to read so
many other excellent collabs. I hope PK will continue with this for
a bit. It's one of those themes that seems to elevate poets. Blue
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You are quite the poetic talent! Nice form from start to finish Blue Rew! Keep up with what you're doing!!!
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This came out so well and it's the first time I have really paid attention to this intertwining form, which I enjoy here very much. You can't go wrong with Millay, a perenial favorite of mine, too. Lovely work here.
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I just had to come and look! ingenious..I had no idea how the intertwining of two pieces would come together and it is flawless. It is a fine example of your talent. The manner in which the lines are separated serve to break the chosen lines. It comes together as sweetly as finding the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Your skill at handling chosen phrases and adding your own touch is a treat. Kudos to you!
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Mal, your applause makes me smile wide, thank-you.
I love the intertwining triolet and am glad to see
it so well-received. I would recommend it to anyone
who has tortured themselves with a villanelle, it
really does give more pleasure. I wanted to do Edna
and was excited to stumble on lines that just seemed
to reach out to me. This series has truly brought
back the excitement of exploring forms for me. Blue
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This is the first time I see this variation of Triolet, here it looks very nice.
I really like how you worked out the cento lines to blend so well with your lines. You also 'broke' the stanzas in a very good way, giving the pauses a well done effect.
I specially liked the last stanza, very strong in imagery and feeling. Well done!
Mari
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A delightful interlocking Triolet and one of my favorite forms of Triolet. So well done dear poet. I am speechless. There is an emerging of self strength and personal power in this piece that makes me feel strong, and ready, and able as I read. Wonderful! Absoltuely Excellent! Bravo! ~Pamela
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I checked the Centos on OLD Poetry, the voice of Edna St Vincent Millay is blended so well, seamlessly, in a wistful quiet quality to her words, found and reflected in style and ideas in the collaboration here. The three parts are interlocked to give each a connection to the previous section and joined in the ideas and imagery as well, themes of color, textures and the consistent watery wistfulness here; this is overall a very cohesive, well structured work; the thoughtful depth and ideas all seem to mesh, so very well done. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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I have never read an interlocking triolet before and it is gorgeous. I loved the lines you chose for your cento and your rich vocabulary adds to the beauty and mystery of this piece. I love twentieth century American women poets and you have shown that two people reading the same poet can find different inspirations. One of the greatest joys of PK's collaboration contests is the chance to read such eloquent lines. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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Liz, did you like the way I split the lines on this or
should I have left it in its original format? I value
your opinion. Intertwining triolet is the only way I
really write this form. I can't seem to fit my imagery
within eight lines where five are refrains. I appreciate
the nod to my vocabulary, it is something I strive for
and love adding to. Blessings, Blue -
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I think the layout is fine if you change your capitalization. For instance, line 1 ends in a comma yet line 2 is capitalized. Lines 10 and 15 shouldn't be capitalized either. Otherwise I wouldn't change a thing.
Liz
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Fabulous title. Your choices for the collaboration lines were outstanding. Great imagery and alliteration throughout. Loved "I may tie tender soul to swells that die." Outstanding "silencing wicked shoals of ridicule." Beautiful "sunset kisses have turned twilight cool." Excellent "shed of your limbo and lips full of disgrace. The cadence of this was beautiful, like the waves rolling up and hissing return from the shore, with occasional crashing on the rocks.
Outstanding write. 
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