The days are shorter and my hair is thin
I ache all over chasing each fancied whim
I lust for all the women I cannot reach
I'm treading water, the deeper my sins
I once asked a preacher what is god
He never answered I think he forgot
I hear pages turning in his holy book
I think he was too afraid to even look
I was born this way to write or be damned
I never had a choice it's just who I am
Some angel must have said from the great beyond
This boy is doomed to fail and carry on
So my future's clear I have no chance
Except to follow the steps of this dance
I'm still standing as you can see
It's a single purpose just meant for me
Now you may say I am bitter for missing out
All the bells and whistles I have no doubt
And my day of judgement will surely come
Just the same as for you and everyone
Don't write me off yet I may be back
Moving on down the line and railway track
My days of wonder have not quite gone
I still have some fight left to come undone
Yeah! the days are shorter and my hair is thin
I ache all over chasing each fancied whim
I lust for all the women I cannot reach
I'm treading water, the deeper my sins
Author notes
option# 2
A contest entry
- Best Poems Ever by Scion.
900 points, ended October 27, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
In the
Comments
-
This is so sing-songy I want a tune. Very lyrical indeed.
A very interesting take on the prompt. I conclude that you may sin, sin, sin. The religious and personal aspects of this aside, I think the poem waivers a little on set Theme. you're a masterful storyteller and I think if you set your ideas out with a bit more clarity, you would win me over completely. Again, with your other poem, you're words are lucid and vivid and very relatable, but also with your other poem, structure and punctuation problems are a step backwards for me. On a hopeful note, you did answer the question. Thank you for entering. Cheers.
Score:
R-9
T-8.4
Th-8.5
S-8.4
U-8.9
G-8.3
Ttl-51.5
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